Did things ever work out for you, sushi?>>10353
Everyone deserves love. Especially self-love. A lot of people here are struggling too, so you're not alone. I sincerely hope that you are able to find love, whatever that looks like for you. Keep your chin up, roll. >>5384
My only loving relationship was with my literal yandere high school gf. We had a messy breakup and it left me with a very skewed understanding of love. Those negative experiences irreparably influence my attempts at relationships to this day.
In college I met a really wholesome girl who I call Sunflower Girl, that helped me recover from yandere gf. She had a boyfriend though, and eventually moved overseas, so I could only ever really love her as a friend. Once, however, she came back to the US and I spent the last $25 in my bank account to buy flowers and train tickets to go surprise her at the airport. I'll never forget the hug she gave me when she recognized me waiting for her at the terminal. That was a very happy moment between the two of us, and I think the closest thing I'll ever experience to pure love.
These days, my understanding of love is almost entirely philosophical and idealized musings taken from fictional depictions. Honestly, I don't think I could trust another person enough to experience love in a proper relationship right now.