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Years of isolation and being alone have made me a very insular, closed-minded person. I have reched the point where I deleted online friends after I discovered that they harbored views or acted in ways I considered bad or not ideal.

It's like some affirmation action towards self-purification, 'splendid Isolation', Japanese Sakoku or a middle kingdom mentality. I know that this means I'll have no friends whatsoever but I can't consciously make myself more open and accepting because of the following logic:
>these people do bad things
>you are a good person
>Why are you associating with bad people?
>Remove them!

Smokes weed? Is gay? Watches shows on Netflix instead of torrenting shows? Fringe political views? Enjoys Rick and Morty? Cut all ties and forget about them. Even if they exhibit only one of those traits. I kid you not. I've reached this stagnant and ossified personal belief system that's so rigid I can't socialize anymore. An admixture of fear of the unknown and fear of being influenced or manipulated has made me unable to socialize, especially online, which is ironic since I consider people on small imageboards to be the most interesting people I could meet.
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I can relate to him. I've been trying to fight it, but you can only grin and bare it as the world tells you to fuck off so many times before you snap and tell it to fuck off right back. Only for people to judge you once you do.


Why is gay on the list of undesirables?


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There is something about OP's disposition that feels a little off…and I don't think we sushirolls should be hostile towards OP either…

The logic is right in that one should not associate with "bad" people. It is better to be alone than be with those who do evil. To be with those who do wrong, the likely chances of you also being tied to wrongdoings increases rather diminishes. This is prudent, and honestly, a wise rule to live by.

>I've reached this stagnant and ossified personal belief system that's so rigid I can't socialize anymore.

This statement feels like a confession that is trying to figure out whether this a positive or negative situation in life. I'd say OP doesn't want this circumstance wholeheartedly. Why? The fact that OP posted on a niche imageboard, and admitted to being able to see online randoms as interesting people…shows that OP hopes for open and honest engagements in life, online, offline. Anywhere, as long as it is genuine.

If you want fear and hostility, you've definitely found it existing within yourself and in others. If you want to receive openness, then I'd say try to embody the trait more, so that you yourself receives its effects first, then you can begin opening to others and them, in turn, open towards you.



Why wouldn't you think of other people like different versions of yourself? You could probably be any of those fools on accident given the same starting conditions.


I like that. We are nature, nurture, and will, nothing more, nothing less.

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You don't talk to people much and, when you talk to them, they don't find you interesting.
You finally accept that you don't have anything interesting to say and decide to keep to yourself.
Suddenly, everyone wants to talk to you and everyone finds you interesting.

I'm not going to fall into that trap again.
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Not everybody has that small group, especially as you get older and you grow apart. Even if you do happen to have that small group, not every part of you is accepted. The best you can do is poke and prod to see how much of the real you that other people can accept. When you overstep that boundary too much or move it too quickly, people recoil.

It is too tiresome to keep up with these boundaries, so letting loose and being yourself is very tempting. When that happens, people lose interest and start ignoring you. You mirror the behavior and start ignoring them. They wonder where you've gone, so they reach out. Then you repeat the cycle, a little bit more delayed each time until it all fizzles out.

The only way I see out of this is to simply accept yourself and treat friends as a nice-to-have.


What made them interested in you all of a sudden? I always thought the idea of a 'cool quiet guy' was a myth.


Keeping to yourself forces you to build character, because you'd get bored to death otherwise.
Not having anyone to entertain you, you'll need to entertain yourself and in that process you become entertaining, if not to others then at least to yourself.

The cool quiet guy probably doesn't stare at walls when he's at home.


I've been told that I'm mysterious. I'm a good conversationalist when I do end up talking to people, though. Very confident, always have something quick and funny to say. I'm guessing OP just hasn't found something he can bring to the table like that yet.


That's a good summary. I've been that quick, confident, funny guy before. It's tiresome though.

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Starting college in one week. Any advice? I'm aware I could find tons of it on any website, but I want to know what this userbase in particular would say
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Don't waste your time. Actually learn what you are studying, don't just pass the exams. Well as long as it is meaningful enough. But even if it isn't, find your own books and sources to read and educate yourself. In philosophy, history, economics. The basics a very important part people miss. Learn about the world and learn to think and to be able to speak. Wasting time at school is almost a given for everyone, but in university you should really try to find in yourself the will to actually education yourself. Not for some job, but for your own betterment and fulfilment as a person. Though the confidence you are likely to find by actually knowing about the world and being able to converse with words that have weight, is something that will help you in any job or endeavour in life.


>Actually learn what you are studying, don't just pass the exams.
I'd say this is only good advice for core curriculum classes, not gen eds.

If you're studying computer science, for example, it makes more sense to spend your time passing the gen eds and then networking with people and building up a software portfolio instead of memorizing trivia about English literature or history or whatever. There's no benefit to putting in more time into the filler classes, just as long as you get decent grades and get the credit hours.

I used to have a 4.0 GPA and no life. Now I have a 3.5ish GPA and lots of projects and more friends. A lot of the benefit of learning in college isn't just classes, but the stuff you learn and experience outside of class: jobs, internships, group projects (especially ones for fun or learning, not for class assignments), etc.

>Not for some job, but for your own betterment and fulfillment as a person.

I disagree. Study for the field you want to work in. If you don't, keep in mind you'll be competing for jobs with people who are spending way more time on work-related experience and skills instead of being "well-rounded" or whatever.


Well I don't have filler classes and learning about the life of some writer is stupid shit, but reading the classics is not a bad thing at all, for example. I did say learn from your classes, so I am certainly not contradicting myself and saying "don't do that, be well rounded instead". But being well-rounded, an actually functional adult and not just living on automatic, can be surprisingly useful, But well, maybe such things work only with some people.
That said you seem way too eager to work and have a career. If you can actually have a reliable career aside, for what reason are you going to do this? To have a house and a car on mortgage and also maintaining a wife? Is it worth it? I am not an American, but if you are living in California or something you are probably already fucked in having your own home, which is not that special anyway. Living on default for your company, that doesn't give a shit for you, and a woman, that can easily throw you away, is pointless to me. I prefer a less stressful life that can maintain my hobbies. I don't need anything else.
Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying to waste his time in university at all. In fact if he is not studying something he is going to actually work, it is useless in my view. But as people we often way too empty when we go out in the world and we just let things happen to us. Bettering one's understanding of the human condition through the lens of our ancestors is a very priceless thing we can afford as modern humans. It is something that can give you a way of thinking and acting that many will wonder how you have achieved, but also be in awe of you. Well, I am maybe overselling it, but I am trying to say it has its benefits even in the strictly pragmatic sense. He can slowly do such things in the free time. Of course as long as he finds something related that he can enjoy. Maybe reading about philosophers of the past. Ancient myths or classical books. Or just some country or period in history he has interest in. There is a lot to do to broaden your view in a meaningful way.


meet people, party in moderation, and plan for life post university.



At 18-20 years old, you should be able to manage gen eds and a good lifestyle as long as you don't have to work to fund your education.

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Is 30 years old too late to start trying to create a life with no work experience? I don't care about getting "rich" or anything like that. I'm also wanting to try to actually take time and maybe try to learn some skills. I realized I've wasted 12 years of my adulthood already and it's going to be very difficult to make up for it. But has anyone here attempted this? Were you successful? Do you have tips for a borderline hikki that has been NEET for his entire life? I know one of the first things I need to work on in terms of my skills, that's building my social skills to communicate with people face to face. What's the struggle though with most of this is, I absolutely despise the general public, and can't stand being around them at all. I've tried over the years to figure out some way to make money online. But I've pretty much hit a dead end almost every which way I try to take. I've thought about going back to my roots and creating art again. I was somewhat in a better place mentally during this time. I used to do some photography and sketches I would post on deviantart over the years. However, I've long since taken all of my content down from the internet by 2013. I also used do short films on YouTube. But I hate what YouTube has become and not sure if I even want to try that direction again. I stopped even trying once gaming channels started taking off. I even tried out creating music for flash animators for a while. This was something I was okay with but it wasn't making me any money and I wasn't exactly that great at it. Mostly just composed random ambient music as well as some synth loops. I feel like taking my entire life and just trying to start from scratch. Is this even possible?
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Pretty sures ya aint gonna pay more than what you mades or loose all your moneys.


just immediately convert to crypto-currency then the gobernment can't take shit away from you


Would a place like H&R Block still charge me that much even though I only made $2000 or should I just go with something online like Turbotax?

I've always wanted to get into cryptocurrency, it's always had high appeal to me. Being a broke NEET with an outdated PC. I can't mine or invest in at all. Plus I'm also confused about certain aspects of it as well as taxes. Maybe I should take a finance class or something.


I probably shouldn't be giving tax advice, but while I might be wrong here I think you don't get taxed if you don't make over a certain amount. And yeah, I think they have a base fee. Turbotax might be a better option, or if you can find one someone who does taxes for people out of their home or something. That requires a bit more trust but will usually be a lot cheaper. I got mine done last year from a former H&R Block employee I used to go with regularly. My return this year was almost $2000.


The best time too start something was years ago, the 2nd best time is right now. Literally RIGHT NOW!
D O I T A N O N !


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quizz time!
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I honestly think the worst one on here is stealing from your parents. My father was a garbage person but stealing from your parents is such a fucking punk thing to do. Besides he was unemployed my whole life and my mother was a school teacher so there wasn't anything to steal anyhow


How old must i be to still be considered a teenager?




Then i've done everything except running away and getting arrested.


Didn't do any of that….fortunately?

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Whoops, meant to type "you CAN also stream low quality audio and video".

There are little arrows around the corner of your screen that can be opened to reveal either an audio or video player, and content will be played in these windows if someone sitting the room is streaming. The music works by accessing your computer's sound source, but I have no idea how you broadcast video. There's a tutorial in the game that will show you how to do this stuff.

I watched a little 90's hentai with some /jp/ sushi rolls this afternoon.


Very cute, very interesting. I'll be checking it out.


I don't like this "friend" guy.


Freddo is okay. Not as cool as iccanobif, though.



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Exercising is so satisfying!

I do Molding Mobility everyday and Starting Stretching every other day and it feels like my body ascended to another level of functionality.

Visit phrakture.github.io if you interested.


I go to the gym with my friend to lift weights, and I also walk on nature trails. The local government here puts a lot of taxpayer money into trails and parks. It's really nice.


I need to have a bigger ass because I'm Hank Hill as af but there's really no way to do glute bridges as a man without looking like a perv. You literally set a barbell on your lap and hump it but it's like the best booty exercise out there :((((((

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i know this is just basic existentialism talk, but we're so small i have trouble comprehending it.

i'll live maybe 60 more years, and in the grand scheme of things that tiny sliver of time will only account for one hundred billionth of the 200,000 years we've been living, of the 4 billion years this tiny earth has been spinning, the trillion years this big universe has existed and will keep existing. giving a species the intelligence to realize this feels like one big cosmic joke the gods like to tell at the water cooler. we, as a species, happened by chance.

and yet i'm still here, creating things, laughing at things, trying new things, reading new books, meeting new people, freaked out at how real this all is. i'm hardly a step into life and in a couple decades, i'll be back to dust. that's beautiful, somehow.

i should really go to bed
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It's like a game to me. I've been dropped into a mode of existance with no explanation as to how or what or why, no help guide and no instructions, and I've got to figure out "the nature of reality" whatever the hell that means. A game so insanely impenetrable that almost noone even figures out what the objective is, and of the very few that do, almost all conclude that it's impossible and give up (either by trying to forget about it or killing themselves). I find that kind of seemingly impossible task fascinating. Everything in existance is both an ally and an opponent.


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This is hell, and we can't leave.


Holy shit sauce? That painting kicks ass.


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It's by Francis Bacon (the Irish artist), from his series of "screaming popes" studies on an older painting of Pope Innocent X.


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Awesome, danke sushi!

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Post your beliefs, outwards rather than personally.

> it is possible for people as a whole to be better than they are
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I forgot how cute the Unabomber was back in his day. I wish that colleges would introduce more of his writings to their curriculum. He's got a lot of insight and I bet it would really chafe his ass to hear about it happening.


The truth is in the bible. Specifically Genesis and Ecclesiastes. Man is fallen and sinful, and all our effort comes to is vanity and striving after the wind.


I can agree with the first one. But it's more culling out the negative rather than if it's "low effort" in my opinion. I've gotten in a much better mood now that I avoid all extreme porn, "vanilla" mainstream porn, and stopped being dependent on it. If I consume sexy stuffs now it's typically erotic audio. But it feels like the whole world sexually is getting more extreme, PornHub had so much "totally not incest because step sister incest" trending the last few visits and a lot of the erotic audio postings I've seen feature women pretending to be raped and none of this really interests me, it's all kinda gross.

I love video games but I haven't played in months now since my computer lags hard for no reason, I'm thinking it might be my SSD though, but I doubt it's making me happy since I want to finish Valkryia Chronicles so bad now and that annoys me.


I feel like the Unabomber's story is a sane guy living in an insane world and not being able to cope with it.

He noticed how fucked up everything is. He was really smart and well-educated, though he never really bragged about it in his writings.

I just wish he didn't kill those people, because that's why people don't take his ideas seriously. He even said the only reason why he killed people was to get national attention for his manifesto. But maybe if he found another way to get it published, then more people would listen.


Didn't he mostly go the way he did because the government tested out MK-ultra stuff on him as a university student?

Still, mad respect for uncle Kaz, even if I don't necessarily agree with his ultimate conclusions.

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Please tell me about your dad. My parents broke up when I was still in kindergarden, so I barely remember him. For the males: What kind of dad would you be or if so, what kind of dad are you?
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quick update
he just left my mother for his new gf and moved out.
he then apparently told her that I'm fucking weird and don't know what "real work" is as well. (even though I've been working fucking hard every single day and get more shit done than literally all of my colleagues)
it's funny because he asked me for money the other day because he already spent all of his for the month.
One day he'll see how hard I've been working in order to achieve the shit I want to achieve.
I'm gonna show this motherfucker.


I was four when my parents divorced.
My dad wanted nothing to do with me or my brother (8) at that point and started going out to bars and not coming home. He went about a year before learning that he was legally accountable for child support and my mom said he didn't need to pay it if he didn't want any custody. That made him want custody, so we started seeing him every Saturday.
He would pick us up at 10am, we'd drive to McDonalds and get a happy meal (well into our teens, it's just what he got us) and then we'd get back to our grandparents house, where he'd shut himself into his room and watch TV.
Me and my brother would sit in the living room and play my grandpa's PS1 until about 7pm, when he'd emerge from his room and drive us home. (we'd get taco bell on the way home)
But during those times, those meandering hours one day a week, sometimes my grandpa was home and he'd hang out with us and talk to us. He'd tell us about the games he was stuck on and we'd try to help him through them, or he'd show us stuff he was working on around the house. He ended up being more of a father figure.
When I was 18 I was legally able to stop going over on saturdays, so I did. He had a new girlfriend who had cute daughters, so I would sometimes go over, for their birthdays or to parks and what-not. About a year and a half later, my brother moved away. My dad called me to see if I wanted to hang out and I ignored it. I am now 26 and haven't spoken to him since. My grandpa died six months ago and I didn't go to his funeral because I didn't want to deal with that side of the family, but I cried in the field behind my house on the night of the wake in an attempt to show respect.
I don't know what a real father, a real man should be or should do. I just know that I'm far from that elusive image and constantly trying to be better than I am.


I think it's odd how people are seemingly unable to rationalize the mind of a psychopath. All men are capable of evil, we are all two faced. In order to live in modern society, you quickly learn how to slip into different sociological roles, the student, the sibling, the friend, the son, etc. It's not as though any of them aren't you, but none of them are fully you either. We all have a darker side that never sees the light of day, a dark side that has kept our race alive for thousands/millions of years by making it ruthless.

Granted, I'm not familiar with this particular person (BTK), but keep in mind that many psychopaths go into a panicked denial when they learn they are psychopathic, some never actually accepting the diagnoses. Also keep in mind that an estimated 10% of the population could be considered psychopathic, unable to feel empathy towards others.

Psychopaths create their feelings for others; that does not mean they are fake. There is simply a few layers of learned and self-taught mental work that they need to go through when processing things. Instead of seeing his daughter being bullied and feeling angry, the psychopath sees his daughter being bullied, processes the situation, subconsciously reminds himself that he needs to protect his daughter, that he will be seen as a bad parent by others if he doesn't, and then he feels angry and wholeheartedly thinks it's directly for his daughter's safety, when it's a far more involved train of thought.

tl;dr I don't think he shielded his family from himself, and he probably cared about them quite a bit. His mind simply fell into a dark place and his mind was far too suited to the darkness so he became addicted. He would never have committed those acts on his daughter or those he cared about. For a psychopath, it's nothing more than a form of fucked-up artistic expression.


My dad is a pushover. He changed his last name to my mom's last name. He let my mom abuse him. He split up, but never officially divorced (they did the "staying together for the kids" bullshit even though they don't even live together anymore, but they are still married). He let my mom spend his money, walk all over him, and never stood up for himself. He is also morally apathetic. He neglected me during my childhood, so I think I was raised more by the internet. I spent way too much time in front of a screen because I had no one to spend time with.

He encouraged me to get into drugs and alcohol at a young age. He is very smart and has a master's degree, but he has very serious mental and emotional problems. He has weird mannerisms and spending any amount of time around him will make you feel anxious, because of how anxious he is all the time. He drinks way too much. He ignores his problems instead of dealing with them. He pretends to be positive and happy when it's obviously that he is really neither. He is an atheist and a liberal. He also smokes weed, or at least he used to. He also gets me to fix all of his tech problems because he won't even take the first step and google something or even read an error message before closing it. He has occasionally told me about how he thinks about killing himself, but he sometimes brings it up in a manipulative way.

I'm very mad about how much of a pussy my dad is, and I think that's part of why I'm into far right ideology and Christianity. I want the nuclear family to be emphasized. I want traditional family values and strong moral convictions. I want God to be at the center of my life, instead of worshipping left-wing politics. None of this beta male bullshit.

I want to be the opposite of my dad.


I thoroughly enjoyed your post. Psychopathy is a horribly misunderstood topic and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who is putting in the work to understand it better. Thank you.

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