/lounge/ - sushi social

> Have you ever known a person like this?
I don't know.
> Someone who's just nice and not in a fake way but just a generally nice and good hearted person?
A plenty of people whom I regularly talk to IRL are generally nice, I think; they are not in a situation that brings out hostility and anger. Besides, I don't think that the niceness of a person who realizes the benefits of being nice is necessarily fake.
> Someone you don't want to spoil by exposing them to dumb soykafine on the internet?
No.
> Ever notice how a person like this seems to be doing effortlessly?
No. The only person whom I know who, despite all, seemingly has it easy would probably not fall under your definition of "pure". He is a fan of dark, sadistic humor, in fact. So much so that our chatter seems like a boke-tsukkomi kind of comedy sometimes.

I'd rather not be "pure". I wish not to be a simpleton. I wish to be strong and cunning enough to protect myself and people I care about. To be able to withstand all what life may throw at me and continue the line of my family.

> What are some techniques?
Accumulate wealth. It's much easier to be nice and good when you have it good.

There there, sushi. Some people are just kind of sheltered, or have a good nature due to their upbringing. But I do think there are things you can do to feel more positive. Trying to have good habits helps, and just generally trying to see other people as humans who are trying their best.
Nice people may be seen sometimes as less intelligent, since there is a certain form of smart that necessitates being shrewd and calculating. I imagine you would like to stay in the realm of being positive without seeming ignorant. Nice people also have a certain degree of patience. They take their time when speaking and listen carefully. I work in healthcare and there is pressure on me to be "nice" and based on experience it seems like if you listen and keep responses fairly positive that expresses "niceness". The type of content you consume also makes a difference. I try to avoid listening to music or watching anime that makes me feel like shit. I know that self reporting "nice" behavior doesn't count, so I'm definitely not claiming to have anything figured out. But I do have similar goals to you. I do want to be nice and compassionate.

>>19546
>Accumulate wealth
For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?

You gotta get over this whole "better person" bullshit. It's a lie that has been fed to you by charlatans of all types. There's no such thing as a pure person. Everyone has a side that another would consider dark. The genuine nicest person I know who has never had a problem with me or anyone else I've ever known, had a dark side (I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing here, but I know it). Your ideal seems to come from personal anxieties. Things you are self-conscious and sensitive about, so you envy others for. If only I was like them.

But that's where the idea of being a bad person comes in. There's no such thing as a bad person. There's no such thing as a good person. There are just people. No one is a better or worse person, so you cannot become a better person. You can only do better things. So try to break out of this mindset of "becoming a better person" and just try to reform your behavioural patterns.

The things you do aren't good or bad, but they do have effects on your life. Exercise, for example, isn't "good", but it is "healthy". So when you plan what you want to do with your day, don't think about whether you are going to do good or bad, think whether you will do "healthy" or "conscious" or "compassionate" things. Things you would feel good about doing. The things you do affect the way you think, and the way you think affects the things you do. Positive feedback cycle!

>>19544
You can always rely on the Golden Rule: Do to others what you would have done to yourself.

>>19550
What is the difference between a person that does "better things" and a "good person"? Because you might be talking about the same thing and you just use a different term for it.

And in reverse, what is the difference between a person that does not do "better things", and a "bad person"? Because it becomes difficult to frame obvious examples of people generally considered as bad people as people that just opted to not do better things. e.g. Stalin, Hitler et al: not bad people, they just didn't do better things is all.

>>19552
The difference is entirely in mindset. A person who believes they are a bad person will have more trouble changing their habits and turn more towards vices. It's the paradoxical reason that alcohol, a depressant, is used by people with depression (I did this for a long time, and am still recovering). This mindset also effects former convicts, making them more likely to re-offend. Conversely, thinking of yourself as a good person may inhibit your ability to see your own negative habits or accept criticism. And the same goes for the way you see others.

If you see someone as a good person, you may be willing to overlook their dangerous or harmful habits, or find excuses for them. If you elevate a "good person" to a place of authority, they may be more empowered to do harm. If you see someone as a "bad person", you may be dismissive of their genuine attempts to change or be insensitive towards the struggles they face in life. Understanding that we are all people that are in a constant state of change and distinguishing who you are from what you do will make you more understanding, more compassionate, and more positive.

>>19544
They're not too common but you just have to have standards and boundaries to keep screwed up people from influencing you, and then surround yourself with people who aren't messed up.
I tried the "being a better person" thing for a new years once and it backfired on me (not really surprising because I knew I was somehow fucked up but not specifically what), and I think the only way I could've ever have not been fucked up in the first place is by not being around toxic cunts or people who get used by toxic cunts – people without boundaries or standards, but generally mean well (not that you can't be around them, but they won't help you identify your problems because they can't recognize them).
I never realized how selfish and immature I was until I got away from people who weren't selfish and immature, and then they'd call other people out for being like that and I'd be like "o shit I do that sometimes, I should stop" (maybe it's even a neurological thing because some people just won't have remorse or acknowledge stuff like that and will lie to themselves when the truth is better etc.).
Similarly, there's more to being a better swimmer than just exercise, you have to learn and compete with other swimmers and coaches (especially depending on your goals) and they'll teach you new techniques, what to eat, etc. but you can't hang around people who don't know how to swim or can't swim well if you want to swim better.

>>19548
if you dont like money you can donate it to charity or give it to me

>>19560
>(maybe it's even a neurological thing because some people just won't have remorse or acknowledge stuff like that and will lie to themselves when the truth is better etc.)
This is actually a massive thing in regards to refining your morals. You have to be honest with yourself, you have to know yourself. Doing this kind of thing is already a struggle, but not being honest with yourself will make it far harder if not completely undermine your efforts.
My own work toward trying to correct myself started exactly because I couldn't stop lying. I'd lie about both the smallest, most insignificant things as well as life defining events without remorse. Eventually the weight of my deceptions weighed on me more and more, both inside and without, until I couldn't take it anymore. I began going out of my way to correct any instance where I thought I was being deceptive or even giving bad information, determined to set the record right even when I was afraid. I believe building this habit helped me to gain a better picture of my own self and why I do things, which is vital when you're trying to change your behavior.

This may sound reductive, but I believe becoming a "better person" is a skill to be studied, practiced and refined, just like any other. I believe you don't just need a desire, but discipline determination and grit. It's a long term goal and it won't bear its fruit easily, but I think the attempt is worth it.

>How to be a better person?
i think you are idealizing it a bit
true, there are amazing people in this world, but nobody is perfect
it's not that it's necessary to be perfect to be good, more like, sometimes you don't even know what would be your downfall
>just a generally nice and good hearted person
i think i am that kind of person but i am a bit retarded about some things so i could slip into poor behavior on the grounds of being a bit ignorant and slow. like, the point is i would never hurt people out of malice - actively working to undermine another person is just not something i would do - and i don't usually get angry and when i do, i quickly cool down and don't hold grudges
i suppose being absent-minded about things is an alarming trait as it's probably how most sad things happen. i am improving in that regard though
am i a good person? i like to look at it from the point of performance, like, do i make others feel good? do i do good to other people? sometimes i do, sometimes i do not. overall i like to see myself as a net positive or at least hope i will be a net positive when my life ends

though to answer your question
>What are some techniques?
i don't know honestly
techniques on shaping your soul, and that is what you want to do, are numerous and could be dangerous
i could give you some directions though i think

mindfulness - you want to notice things around you and inside you
separation of lies from truths - critical thinking skills
remember who you are - know your limits, remember that you are not alone and we are in this together - like, you have to feel it deep inside because it's easy to forget
practice - good actually needs to happen, think about how to improve situations and do good all the time

honestly one could talk endlessly about this but perhaps its a good enough structure

I've done some loving kindness meditation practice before and I believe it sincerely helped, but its effects are subtle. I was expecting some big change, that I would eventually actually feel pure if I did that and avoided things that dirtied my mind. But no such change came. I guess I was expecting the old me would die and I would become someone new, unburdened by my present messy and jaded mind, but it's the same thing I thought growing up, that one day I would be an adult, inherently a different person, and I would magically be stronger and know how to do everything.

I believe natural, that is to say inner and innate, purity of mind exists, but I don't believe it comes easy, and expecting to have it quick is setting yourself up for disappointment.

All you can do is keep your house clean and try to be better. If it upsets your peace of mind, stay away from it. If it brings you peace of mind, go close to it. I think meditation can make a difference over the course of a lifetime, but it is not a quick solution by any means. It's something to try, at least.

> Sometimes I blame the internet for having ruined me. Constant negativity, shitposting, pornography, crulety, and exposure to a news cycle and politics. You wind up becoming a cynical pessimistic person and for some reason the world thinks its cool to be an asshole
The solution is easy, and obvious, and I can attest to it: stop using those sites. 4chan, twitter, reddit. Stop using them.
Engage with the world, and you might develop your own morality, whether it's a good one or a bad one, for good or for ill.

>>19544
>I get the feeling that being good isn't just about forcing yourself to have positive thoughts but changing your outlook on life and daily practice. You can't be a better swimmer without regular exercise. What are some techniques?

I really recommend 'How to be be less cynical' episode on the "How to be a better human" podcast or Jamil Zaki works because it covers what you're thinking about. He argues that hope & empathy can be trained like a muscle and doing so can increase you and others happiness. He lists exercises you can do to increase your empathy.

Being curious about a lot of different things helps. More so would be trying to find out the reasons for someone's actions. When you understand people's motivations and past experiences and not really hold up much expectations you are less likely to judge them. Not judging someone an understanding them you can better empathize with them. If you better empathize with them or at least feel sympathy for them you are more likely to want to do something for them because it effects how either you feel or someone you care about feels.

>>19544
Cultivate empathy, if you have trouble being sympathetic to humans start with animals. It might sound silly but once you can understand why a stray cat might bite you without resenting it then your on the right path to being kinder than most people

>>19751
I'm a level beyond this and empathize with plans and insects. I apologize to the grass before I mow it sometimes or trees when I'm pruning them.

One tip I can share is to forgive your parents and move on…

The other day my mom (late forties, no education) sent me a picture of a prize she received for her hard work at school's cafeteria. She was really proud of that and I found it cute.

>>19759
Your mom is still in school?

>>19760
yes, lol. she works there as a cook

I try to understand why someone might be doing something, and that usually helps. I also just don't like to start conflict, and so I let things slide even if they shouldn't.

>>19759
Forgiving your parents only really works if you maintain enough distance they can't easily hurt you anymore. Im not OP but if I forgave my parents I will be doomed

>>19764
Yes conflict avoidance, though dont let it get to the point you silence your needs to favor the perceived feelings of others

Don't give up and be the best version of yourself.

>>20142
How do you know what the best version of yourself is to begin ?