Well, I've ended up enjoying this. There's something strangely satisfying in embracing the shit, and bathing in grief and misery, and lying in the bed half a day staring at the walls with empty head, after waking up several times due to horrors, and rejecting basic things like food and social interaction, and watching the body struggling with it's stupid master and slowly decaying, becoming unable to experience joy. I've got my sleep deprivation record back then - 4 nights sleepless; I don't know how many hours exactly, because I have no idea when have I fallen asleep nor how much have I slept. This was definitely an experience, I may say.
And I'm still a neet, 4 years and counting. No friends literally, only this one guy I've met somewhere on the web, we share cute pics and chat occasionaly. All the "friends" disappered after graduation, making it painfully obvious that they didn't need me
, all the needed was a guy who shares his done homework and can help during tests. I've had a girlfriend, and this whole relationship thing, we even lived together for some time. Ze relationship thing is a total pisstake. I've had occasional jobs when I wanted to buy something relatively expensive, and this (working) was actually fun, sort of. I have a pretty short temper and unbending ground when it comes to dealing with humans, and don't hold on to the job if something bugs me, and watching people's reaction to my certain actions is funny. Being forced to socialize, however, is not, to the point of just turning and silently walking away, trying to cope with earth-shaking hatred and not to start a fight because I blackout in fights and have beaten a guy to half-death one time in school.
I don't know why I'm writing whis, I'm not even drunk. Something in your post triggered me.