/lounge/ - sushi social

only thing keeping me going is that i don't know what will happen everyday, i've experienced so much that just came out of the blue, like job opportunities or things to do with love, smaller things like a friend wanting to pick me up and hang out that day.
i struggle with suicidal ideation daily and when i feel horrible for a moment i just think that it could probably be different in an hour. maybe the person i love will call, maybe i get some good news, literally anything could happen. my dad brought home my beloved cat with no warning on a regular afternoon two years ago. so much happens that you're not prepared for and you can look at that in a nihilistic way or you can think about the good possibilities everyday.
i'm not at a stage in life where i can get much excited about the distant future, but the small things like the next day, the next week even, that's what keeps me going at my worst

The knowledge that I can be better.

I look back five years, and I see how much more awful of a person I was. I look back ten years, and far worse. Then I look at who I am now, and… I'm still not the person I want to be. But I have changed for the better. In those ten years, life has not gotten any better, and in fact it has become a thousand times worse. But even under the pressure of life, I got closer to the person I want to be.

Life isn't going to get better. The world isn't going to get better, my health isn't going to get better, my job isn't going to get better, and nothing will change. But if I stay conscious and keep striving to be the best me that I can be, then I will improve. It will be slow, and it will take a long time, probably my entire life. But every day lived as a better person is a day worth living in my opinion.

I could care less about what happens around me or to me. If I'm the person I want to be, then I'm alright.

>>14885
Picrel keeps me going everyday

Someday I will find my own fauna who will love me for who I am

>>14909
Fauna the v-tuber?
Can she sing well?

the inevitability of death, not as a sweet release, but rather as the absolute end of any opportunities to experience in the form of what I understand as me and to expand my understanding of what that is

>>14892
Mood.

I've come a long way from where I was, and I have much more room to grow and become. I don't worry about what I can't control, and I do what I can with me. I know that the ability to learn, grow, and transform into a better me are evergreen, so I have a lot of hope that someday somehow things will work out, and in the meantime I make what choices I can to keep growing and keep transforming. I think where I differ is that I know things will change, because nothing in life is fixed. So I keep hoping on changes, I keep seeking transformation, and becoming whatever then-me will be.

Hope is powerful sushi, keep growing!

>>14877
Dokibird!
https://www.youtube.com/@Dokibird
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2YmJL0PX5M

>>14877
too lazy and scared to do a suicide

>>17807
MUSIC for the gym

spite

far less philosophical than the rest of the thread, but for me rn it's being done with my job training, i've only been doing it for half a year now but the time rly flew. i get in touch with a lot of cool stuff since the job is at a research institute (i'm there to do IT not science) and the scientists are always happy to talk abt the stuff they do, they are all surprised someone asks about the stuff cause they're not used to it from the tech ppl
also luckily i brought a bunch of prior knowledge, so the training is restructured to let me do some projects and help the researchers directly which is rly rly cool :3
but yea, actually working the job in the end is what motivates me a lot rn, working an office job still scares me a lil but i'm doing shit i love, seeing the most interesting stuff and helping the research, supporting the progress, all day, the money when i rly start also motivates me bit since i never had much, knowing i'm not gonna have to worry already puts my mind at ease
sry for the word jumble if it is one, i gotta catch my bus and can't proofread ^^

>>17931
That's so cool! I wish I had a job like that. How did you get a research lab job anyways?

>>17934
sheer luck ^^ been wageslaving for a while and when i was looking for vocational trainings it just showed up and i was immediately in awe about this place :3 also i was lucky to have a friend who helped me be motivated enough to write my cover letter to them as that would be the only letter i ended up writing
i'd suggest u to just look up your countries institutes and see if they offer something like this, it's rly common where i live but if it isn't where you are i still wish u luck, these institues are way more open than one might expect ^-^

Nothing. I keep on moving for some reason. I just hope I get some motivation soon to lift me from my depressive sadness so I can actually move on with my damn life.

>>18195
I relate to where you're at, I have something like that. I keep hoping because I know things will get better even if somedays I don't feel very hopeful.

You have to make time, make motivation, and keep moving because eventually things will work out for you. Difficult times are the shadows of passing clouds. So keep doing what you can to keep growing, eventually you'll transform like a butterfly. Nothing in life is fixed. Believe in yourself sushi! You're like the seeds in my garden, ready to sprout. You've come this far in life, so I know you'll get farther even if you don't feel that way right now.

All I wanted as a teenager was independence and money. This did not give me any satisfaction, and I still live the same lonely life. It seems like there is nothing good waiting for me. Now I am thinking about building a house, but there will be nobody to live there with me.

>>18275
It's okay to be alone. There's plenty of people who will always be alone without substantial changes to themselves. At least part of it is how much you are willing to give up doing what you enjoy to focus on making other people happy.

>>18277
>>18275
It is true that when we chase after happiness it always seems to get farther and farther. Happiness comes, be brave enough to hope! Loneliness like all feelings is ephemeral. You will find people you enjoy being around and who enjoy being around you, so keep looking. Often it will be when you find someone who shares a passion, like at a convention. Othertimes it will be a discovery when you choose to talk with a stranger. Strangers after all are just friends you haven't met yet. All this comes with growth and change, all good things in life do. So be content with yourself and being with yourself ("alone"), be hopeful and excited for life's possibilities, and =KEEP IT CONFY=

A car

Trolling.

I hope to get my life in order this next few years

I wouldn't say that there's anything keeping me going, I just kind of get through each day.

Even if times are going to get worse, I should stick around for as long as possible to try to make other people's lives better. Also, I'm sure my siblings have grown too attached to me. I can't give up now and turn into dust.