No.14892
The knowledge that I can be better.
I look back five years, and I see how much more awful of a person I was. I look back ten years, and far worse. Then I look at who I am now, and… I'm still not the person I want to be. But I have changed for the better. In those ten years, life has not gotten any better, and in fact it has become a thousand times worse. But even under the pressure of life, I got closer to the person I want to be.
Life isn't going to get better. The world isn't going to get better, my health isn't going to get better, my job isn't going to get better, and nothing will change. But if I stay conscious and keep striving to be the best me that I can be, then I will improve. It will be slow, and it will take a long time, probably my entire life. But every day lived as a better person is a day worth living in my opinion.
I could care less about what happens around me or to me. If I'm the person I want to be, then I'm alright.
No.14909
>>14885Picrel keeps me going everyday
Someday I will find my own fauna who will love me for who I am
No.17790
>>14909Fauna the v-tuber?
Can she sing well?
No.17801
>>14892Mood.
I've come a long way from where I was, and I have much more room to grow and become. I don't worry about what I can't control, and I do what I can with me. I know that the ability to learn, grow, and transform into a better me are evergreen, so I have a lot of hope that someday somehow things will work out, and in the meantime I make what choices I can to keep growing and keep transforming. I think where I differ is that I know things will change, because nothing in life is fixed. So I keep hoping on changes, I keep seeking transformation, and becoming whatever then-me will be.
Hope is powerful sushi, keep growing!
No.17875
>>14877too lazy and scared to do a suicide
No.17931
far less philosophical than the rest of the thread, but for me rn it's being done with my job training, i've only been doing it for half a year now but the time rly flew. i get in touch with a lot of cool stuff since the job is at a research institute (i'm there to do IT not science) and the scientists are always happy to talk abt the stuff they do, they are all surprised someone asks about the stuff cause they're not used to it from the tech ppl
also luckily i brought a bunch of prior knowledge, so the training is restructured to let me do some projects and help the researchers directly which is rly rly cool :3
but yea, actually working the job in the end is what motivates me a lot rn, working an office job still scares me a lil but i'm doing shit i love, seeing the most interesting stuff and helping the research, supporting the progress, all day, the money when i rly start also motivates me bit since i never had much, knowing i'm not gonna have to worry already puts my mind at ease
sry for the word jumble if it is one, i gotta catch my bus and can't proofread ^^
No.17934
>>17931That's so cool! I wish I had a job like that. How did you get a research lab job anyways?
No.17938
>>17934sheer luck ^^ been wageslaving for a while and when i was looking for vocational trainings it just showed up and i was immediately in awe about this place :3 also i was lucky to have a friend who helped me be motivated enough to write my cover letter to them as that would be the only letter i ended up writing
i'd suggest u to just look up your countries institutes and see if they offer something like this, it's rly common where i live but if it isn't where you are i still wish u luck, these institues are way more open than one might expect ^-^
No.18195
Nothing. I keep on moving for some reason. I just hope I get some motivation soon to lift me from my depressive sadness so I can actually move on with my damn life.
No.18227
>>18195I relate to where you're at, I have something like that. I keep hoping because I know things will get better even if somedays I don't feel very hopeful.
You have to make time, make motivation, and keep moving because eventually things will work out for you. Difficult times are the shadows of passing clouds. So keep doing what you can to keep growing, eventually you'll transform like a butterfly. Nothing in life is fixed. Believe in yourself sushi! You're like the seeds in my garden, ready to sprout. You've come this far in life, so I know you'll get farther even if you don't feel that way right now.
No.18285
>>18277>>18275It is true that when we chase after happiness it always seems to get farther and farther. Happiness comes, be brave enough to hope! Loneliness like all feelings is ephemeral. You will find people you enjoy being around and who enjoy being around you, so keep looking. Often it will be when you find someone who shares a passion, like at a convention. Othertimes it will be a discovery when you choose to talk with a stranger. Strangers after all are just friends you haven't met yet. All this comes with growth and change, all good things in life do. So be content with yourself and being with yourself ("alone"), be hopeful and excited for life's possibilities, and =KEEP IT CONFY=
No.18423
Even if times are going to get worse, I should stick around for as long as possible to try to make other people's lives better. Also, I'm sure my siblings have grown too attached to me. I can't give up now and turn into dust.
No.19690
Dwarf Fortress. I just HAVE to play it when it's nearly finished. It'll never be finished, I'm sure, but I'm so excited about some features like adventurer mode's faction system where you can lay claim to certain places. I'm especially psyched about starting a vampire cult or becoming a wizard's apprentice. That's long away, though. Probably 10-20 years, I'm sure. I'm not talking about the base feature, but an actual fleshed out system. Still, when the wizard apprentice thing does come out, I'm sure it'll be very fun to experience. It won't be long. Probably five years.
No.19694
Books. Study. Scholarship.
No.19698
At this point, it's just funny. I'm lonely and bored but so what? Doesn't mean I have to end it, or that I need to have some expectations for the future, I can just be as I am and not think about it too much. This whole existence thing is funny and absurd, no need to sweat it too much.
No.19708
I have no hopes. I’m just moving along because there’s nothing else to do. Trying not to ruminate on my sins and failures.
No.19756
All hope is gone for me yet I act like I still have some hope considering I haven't killed myself somehow so I don't know what is up. I was so close to having my life seem to be heading a good direction over a decade ago and I just got fucked over.
>>19711How are you holding up? Any changes? Considered reporting your parents? If you're a minor have you looked into emancipation requirements? Do you have a source of income other than your parents? Put your money in places your parents can't ever access.
No.19763
>>19756No I'm not a minor and I did have the cops come over once and they said it's not a big enough problem to deal with. I used to have a job but I would get beaten and told to stay at home and not talk to people and no I don't have access to my own money anymore even though I tried to get my bank to allow me full control but I guess they forgot to do that or something because I still don't have full access to my accounts. There hasn't been any changes to my situation for almost a decade. I've given up. I just play video games all day because that's the only thing I'm allowed to do without getting whipped and beaten. God, I can't even use the bathroom without my parents coming in to make sure I'm not doing anything they don't want me to do. I've given up. I just want it all to be over. I feel sick all the time from them burning stuff and the smoke makes it hard to breathe. I want to die.
No.19765
>>19763At least you legally can leave then which is better than if you were a minor. It even opens up the option of just running away and moving in with some random person you find online then file a restraining order on your parents. So the cops don't care you are beaten, groped, money stolen from you and are at times unlawfully detained? What country are you from where cops are that corrupt and lazy? I wouldn't even trust the bank if they can't even manage to do that. I'm in a similar situation of shitty parents though without the beating and gone on longer.
No.19767
>>19766Well you have a few things you could do other than that I can think of
>You can look up to see who works at the police station in your jurisdiction has changed people and try again>File a restraining order then be homeless a while and take your parents to civil court to sue them for the money they stole >Start up a new account either at same bank or at a credit union that offers low income loans so you have enough for a place to move to then work on transferring the money from the previous account No.19774
>>19767And then those people are going to have a reason to hate me for annoying them and disrupting their day. It's best to just stay out of people's way so no one gets mad so I've stopped talking to people in the real world. Besides, my life isn't bad, I'm used to how strict my parents have been since they've been this way all my life. There's people who have it worse than me like for example my father says his life is far worse than mine because he has stomach issues from eating a lot of candy. For me though I just want to stay out of everyone's sights and not be a bother to anyone and then just disappear from the world. I don't have the sort of drive to live like other people and I don't deserve to have a life since it'd just make people angry.
No.19776
>>19774Wouldnt more people be angry at you not trying to get out of that situation into a better life when you really clearly arent comfortable with it. It isnt your fault or anything.
No.20002
>>19774dude, this is gonna be hard to hear, but they already hate you; that's why they're abusing you. This isn't love, it's hate. Being homeless will be a better option than being under that roof. There are options, there are centers which take people in, there are even mental hospitals which would definitely take someone like you right now - and that doesn't make you insane either.
Just because people have it worse doesn't mean you don't deserve better. Please take the reigns in your own life and seek the freedom you deserve. You can get out of this, it just will take effort. I know you've been worn down and you're tired now, but that's what they're counting on.
They are using you for your money to live a life off of you. You are their slave, not their child. That is all they see you as and that is all they will ever see you as and you do not deserve that on the pure fact that you are a human being. No human being deserves that. None. You deserve better, and you can have better. You just need to take it with everything you've got.
Pester the bank, pester the police, pester the church, pester your neighbors, pester whoever the fuck you need to to get out of the situation. It doesn't matter if it mildly inconveniences them, and if they care even a little modicum about the situation, it won't be an inconvenience I sincerely promise that.
No.20003
>>19774like, sincerely, just think about the life you could have. You could have a partner, you could have your own house or apartment, you could move to whatever city you want wherever you want, you can go to school if you want to again, you can play video games even more if you want to, you can *make* video games, you can make children, you can get better jobs, you can be completely independent and free (within the guidelines of the State of course). You just need to realize that, and use all of your remaining energy to seize it.
It will take time, it will take effort, it will be laborious and tumultuous at times, you will still end up feeling pain in the process of getting out, but ideally after the process is done you can move on. You can finally grieve over the life you left behind and the trauma that's been weighing you down for your entire life up till this point.
I really don't know who you are or if this is even a real story due to >imageboard culture but if this is at all real I just wish I could give you a hug and tell you in person that you deserve better.
No.20015
Nothing.
No.20016
>>14877nothing, it doesn't take effort to keep going
No.20038
i'm done, i've already tried everything i wanted to do. i just want to die now, there's nothing left.
No.20079
I am going to fail so if I try hard I'm not loosing anything and if I succeed I will be pleasantly surprised.
No.20087
Nothing at all. I try not to dwell on thoughts of suicide, even though I struggle to find a reason to choose life.
No.20088
>>20038I barely even got to try what I wanted to do and would be nice if I was dead long ago if nothing gets better
No.20516
A lot of people in this thread are talking about getting better and a few are talking about getting better at a job and getting more knowledge, and I definitely agree. This is my second post, and I had forgotten to mention that these things are also why I live. I have hope that my future is brighter than today.
