I talked to the admins and they won't delete what I've posted. I want to block my old friends. They are bad influences. They gossip to me, they send me bad things, by blocking out everything without, I can only hear the dissonence within. Doing the right thing doesnt feel good anymore, doing the wrong thing never felt good. Waking up is getting really, really difficult. I think I'm always being watched but I'm not paranoid. I used to go online but I was the fool to everyone else. I played retarded so long that I actually became retarded. I don't know if I'm in on the joke anymore. I don't know who I am laughing with. I had some work that I did solely to get applause online, no one clapped. No one really cared enough. I needed a lot, a lot of validation and I didn't get it. I gave up.I feel deeply unsafe in my head, online, and in real life. I am more and more afraid to be seen. I try not to be seen at all. I don't like to eat a lot of meals, I have been avoiding eating or drinking. Sleep is bad but ssomehow I've been worse. Because I am working so I have to sleep. Sometimes I sleep during meetings. Please do not contact me. If you know who I am and you read this, DO NOT CONTACT ME. DO NOT BROWSE THIS WEBSITE. DO NOT BROWSE THIS WEBSITE. DO NOT FOLLOW ME ONLINE. DO NOT COME IN. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE, YOU CANNOT COME HERE. I do not want to be seen, I do not want to be followed. I stare hammers. The first sushi, doesn't look real. First from the top. I will repeat once again before I go into this: DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU KNOW WHO I AM. DO NOT CONTACT ME. DO NOT CONTACT ME. Every document has a paper trail. I don't want to be tracked down, here. If you talk to me, give me everything in written communication, I will respond in unrecorded voice. I will archive your responses and say as little as possible myself. I will ask questions and give you nothing. When the police came, I didn't ask anything, I did give information, It was nothing. S(he) was fine. In line with deletion, I want to delete (most of) all of my memories. I hate remembering things about my life so far. I have no saved photographs of myself, except one so I can show what haircut I want, another for professional, another has an avatar. If you forget your memories, you're not responsible for them anymore. I have a lot of guilt. I wasn't sexually abused because I said yes. Every single time. I try to get rid of my happy memories too because I might remember something bad. That's why I don't Post too long. Click here to view the full text.