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Happy Holidays!

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When was the last time you was in love?
I mean butterflies in your stomach and all that weird stuff.
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i think a couple of weeks ago! but not quite love, just like, adamant appreciation of them being in my life. not quite "ohhh i wanna be with you forever soulmate etc etc" but rather "i really appreciate having you around and i really like planning things with you!". days flew by like nothing and im realizing i felt lighter than air then.

i never quite experienced love like that with a friend i think. it's an intoxicating thing even though it's not quite the same as romantic love, and it's worth fighting for.

and then i messed things up by sleeping with their friend (which they encouraged) at the wrong time and then doing LSD with that friend, then they forgave me for all that, but now they're mad at me for a reason they wont tell me about. i think otherwise i'd be like "oh, whatever" but dang it really hurts not knowing how i hurt them T_T

it's been a week, but it's gonna be ok.


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literally never since middle school. it's been eight years, but I don't exactly miss them anymore. it's honestly a bit concerning. i feel like i don't even love my parents anymore. i don't really want to be loved, either. love seems more like a foreign conjecture than a personal feeling to me.


Depression? :’)


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I wish I could express my love for someone without feeling awkward, I have always had a persecution complex so it's tough for me to come out and say it. I just end up dying inside instead and by the time I want to say something, it's always too late.
But there is a special someone. Very, very dear to me. I just wonder if she feels the same, I guess only time can really tell. I tried to "replace her" with other people, but I just ended up getting burned hard and I never even got to anything. So maybe she is the one I suppose.
How will I know? I can't tell, lost all ways of contacting her.

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I have major gender dysphoria and its certainly a drag on life, and I just want to rant about it, and you guys are all nice (oh yeah so fair warning this is just me going on about my problems, also this may be really long and I don't know if there's a character limit so this may be multiple parts).

I'm just never going to look or feel right, I don't think. Because I just happened to be born with this mental illness. As a kid, I always liked to imagine myself as a girl for some reason. In internet circles I'd pretend I was a girl, for no real reason other then preference. It wasn't like I was doing it for kicks, saying I was a guy after flirting with someone, i really just liked being a girl instead. I lived in a pretty liberal area, so I found out about trannies by middle school, and by age 14 i was pretty sure I was one. Unfortunately, I was a very early bloomer, and puberty hit me really hard. I was 5'10" at 14 and only kept growing, grew facial hair in middle school, broad shoulders, square jaw, everything. And I hated it as much then as I did now. I grew my hair out and to this day have real nice hair with perfect curls but that was kind of the end of things I actually liked about myself. With my frame, nobody ever really mistook me for a girl, even from behind. Guy friends I had that were super short or just feminine in general got mistaken for girls without even trying or wanting to and I felt really jealous. When I was 15 I started having friends call me "Abby" online and told them about some of this. I started getting that feeling of "being a women trapped in a man's body" people talk about as opposed to "being a man that want to be a woman," a change you don't really notice until it happens. That felt pretty nice. Every now and then, when I was home alone, I'd sneak into my sister's room and wear her clothes and look in the mirror for a while. I stopped because it felt like I was doing something perverted even though I wasn't attracted to women (more on that later), but it felt nice to take pictures of myself in dresses, even though I deleted them afterwards. but…yea. I just really hated being a man. Sometimes I would curl up and stare at all the hair on my legs and nearly have a breakdown over that.(Part 1/?)
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Maybe you should word your ideas more accurately if you do not want passers-by to understand your profound comments in unintended ways. Although, it may as well be that they don't deserve your effort.


> your profound comments
Dude, lmao… it's your responsibility as a poster to make sure you're understood by others. Being incomprehensible is not the same thing as being profound.


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Bro get over yourself omg


> it's your responsibility as a poster to make sure you're understood by others
Not necessarily. Sometimes there is a fault with the receiving end.


Yes sometimes comprehension fails on the receiving end but if your goal is to be esoteric, the fault lies with you.

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This is a weird one, sushi rolls. For my whole life I've only been attracted to girls, but the other day as I was going through bad music from childhood I ended up on one of those terrible boybands meant to seduce little girls, the main singer was warbling some shit about love and suddenly for no reason I just fell for him really hard. I watched many more of their videos (cringing at myself immensely but I kinda liked it), thought "that was weird" and went to bed. Ever since then though I've been fantasising constantly about boys and kissing them and dating them. Seeing my friend soon and I'm scared I'll act really weird because now I have a crush on him I guess. Just wondering if any sushi rolls have experience with this? I don't want to feel like this anymore, if you can help me not be gay by sunday you will have my eternal gratitude.
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Is this roll still here?
Was it a phase? Do you have a husband now?


You were hrainwashed bh le ebil left to make you a trane, now you gotta wear "programmer socks" and stream your butt on twitch


seems pretty appealing aside from the butt streaming part


Yes and no, I stopped being crazy but I was probably always bi. I'm more sexually attracted to girls and more romantically attracted to guys, I was a late bloomer and this was the first time I'd really felt romantic attraction. I managed not to ruin things with the friend, the rolls saying I'd get over it when I saw him in person were more or less correct. I think >>3266 saying "Maybe you've always been into homosexual relationships and just didn't consider the other kind of them?" was onto something too. No boyfriend or girlfriend yet, if it happens it happens but I'm just trying to live life right now. Thanks again to the rolls who helped me out 2 years ago, also AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PLEASE LET THIS THREAD DIE


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Thanks for the wrap-up roll, glad you're still here and are coming to terms with your sexuality. I think with that, we can finally let the thread die in peace.

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i haaaaaate the summer
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The oligarchy is using weather modification to fake climate change so that you'll do anything the 'experts' say to stop it from getting hotter. You will eat the bugs.


or maybe they're selling weather modification (coal and oil) to make money… nah it's probably space lasers


Burning oil and coal barely effects the climate.


You expect me to believe that a ton of chemtrails from a plane radically affects the weather but 8 billion tons of CO2 don't?


people always look at me funny when i tell them summer sucks

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How do we stack up gang?
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Man, I was busy doing a mod of this chart where I explained how many of these things are pointless.
But my energy is best spent somewhere else and just didn't do it in the end


I mean, I kinda already said that >>4072
honestly the whole thing is pointless, it's just a collection of experiences. nothing more.


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I'm so close


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Two of these have caveats of they where when I was under the age of 10 and thus did not have full autonomy over my life. I had parties as a kid and played field hockey as a kid.

Living the dream babyyy B)

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What are your thoughts on deep faked porn. It's driving me crazy how many folks are being Boomers and freaking out about the new tech. They're calling it a violation of their favorite streamers' dignity even if you would never meet that streamer.

Personally, I think we'll get used to having fake porn of everyone on the internet. It'll be like old porn stars never retired and you can make up pure fantasy about anyone the married woman you saw at a coffee shop.
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Your isolated experiences with women do not represent the entire group!

Stop it!


Of course it doesn't.
It just does for a feeeew of them.


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Whatever happened to using your imagination?


ALL 3d is pd



im very ugly so if someone would make deepfake porn of me i would be very fluttered

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You will never be a real woman.
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In that case. Pray tell, what's your horse in this race?
What does it matter to you,
If a roll wants to be cute too.


Where in quran does it say that?


Doesn't say anything about it in the quran but in the sunnah.


"We're in hell!" they said, "What fun!"
"For I can hate another's son,"
"and consequence, there shall be none."
"I rest my case, I think I've won."

But never did they once consider,
The lack of sense, the lack of rigor
To posit and to pull the trigger
To post with hate, to laugh and sblack dragon roll

You will not change another's kind
Your sense of truth, you will not find
For in these halls, all was designed
To quarantine that frame of mind.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


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hi hi!!! sorry if the format is weird, this is my first time posting on a forum or anything like this. also dont know if this is the right thread - i'm sorry!! i just need a place to open up about my eating problem.

content warning: anorexia, binge eating

i'm an 18 year old girl and i'm graduating from high school this year. i still live with my parents, and i plan to go to college but still live in this house and just drive to my classes since the campus is so close to where i live. our pantry is FILLED with cheap junk food.

i have always had a problem with a constant need of control. i am a recovered anorexic. i lost weight extremely quickly and weighed less when i was 17 than i did when i was a healthy 11 year old. i have been very close to being hospitalized before the start of my recovery. i would go days on end of not eating or half a meal and then once a week i would routinely have one binge meal that would be at LEAST 4000 calories. yes in one sitting. at some points i would eat an entire pizza and a tub of ice cream and then throw up half of it and force myself not to eat for days out of guilt. i decided to recover because i need to stop putting this energy into "making my body perfect" and "having control" but rather put this effort into being a better sister, a better friend, and a better person. being hungry all of the time made me miserable and insufferable to the people around me. i was an awful person who constantly put down the people around me due to my own internal insecurities.

now that i've gained a LOT of weight (in the past 5 weeks i've gained 35 pounds) i'm 5'6 and 128 pounds currently. i look "normal." my issue is that now that i've forced myself to eat 3 meals a day i cannot stop binging. i have my first two meals at school so those are pre-packed (with healthy stuff that i enjoy!! salads, fruits, nuts) and both meals are around 550 calories. i have absolutely no problem pre planning my meals and eating them at school where i literally don't have access to a fridge or any other food. but on my third meal when i get home, i eat the whole fridge. the minute i walk into the house i go to get food. just sitting downstairs a room away from my kitchen is a trigger. i have that whole binge thing i USED to have once a week, now every SINGLE day. i've been struggling with eating for so long that my body cannot feel "fullness." i can't stop. i haven't allowed myself to eat for so long that now it feelPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.


The transition you're about to go through is tough but I think you will probably benefit from the new environment and resources available to you.

First of all, welcome to the boards. I can't remember the last time I've seen someone say openly "I'm a girl and new to forums" so I feel compelled to offer some advice you didn't request. I'm coming from a similar place. I'm around the same age as you and I'm in college. Have been on the internet way, way too long and got into online communities way before I should have. Typical stuff. There are a few girl-centered IBs out there that you will inevitably stumble into if you actively look into what IBs are, but I strongly strongly recommend against them. There are a lot of people that promote pro-anorexia through various means (even if it's against the rules) and the politics that have sprung up over the years have bred some of the least productive, most toxic communities I've ever seen. As they changed, I started to notice the way I thought about/processed the world change as well in a really negative way, and I stopped using them. Just my sincere words of advice from one stranger to another, don't let your mindset become toxically affected by any community online.

Eating disorders are so difficult and misunderstood. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

First thing is, when you get to college, you're probably going to have *free* access to mental health services. Please use them. Usually counseling in college is specially prepared for helping students with eating disorders. Yes sometimes it's hit or miss at some places but a professional environment *will* help you. A lot of times people get cold feet or feel like it won't help them after a couple of sessions. Keep pushing and attending. It sounds like you really want to make positive changes in your life and already kind of understand some of the underlying issues so it will probably be effective for you or at least start you in the right direction.

Secondly, I just wanted to say that, whatever condition your body is in or however you look, whatever weight you are, you are still of value. I know the self-hatred stuff over physical appearance is deep-rooted but sincerely, you have a disorder, and it is okay to struggle. It's okay to not be doing well. We take things one day at a time, look for the next step, and forgive ourselves for yesterday. It took me so long to learn that.

Last thing I picked up from your Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Welcome to Sushichan! We hope you stay for a while. While I can't offer perfect advice, because I am not you, I can offer my own experience with eating disorders. The best advice I can give is to talk to a doctor, because they can give better advice than anyone here. Second thing I would recommend is asking your doctor about a SSRI. I've been on SSRIs for a while, and one thing that they're really effective at is regulating over-eating. I used to over-eat due to depression and loneliness, but once my body adjusted to SSRIs, I started eating a healthy amount and eating a more nutritious diet. I found that I no longer craved junk food. But everyone reacts to SSRIs differently, so make sure to talk to your doctor first.

Hope you find what is right for you. Mental health is a long and arduous journey, but I believe in you. You can do it!




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hihi hi i dont know if im replying the right way to be honest, but i really appreciate your response!! it was really thoughtful and kind of you to put together such a supportive message and it genuinely means a lot to me - thank you!! yeah i plan to check out those resources when i graduate and get to college. binging and my guilt is getting worse but it's okay i think eventually i can just be a "normal eater." i'm 1 month clean from throwing up ^^ thank you sushi roll <3


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No problem, sushi– your reply is fine. Proud of you

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I thought of making this thread here so that I don't derail the place with things most people wouldn't like to indulge.
Sadness is something that can be a bit of a vicious cycle, indulge too much in it and you'll see it as your only refuge.
But, we do need to let it out sometimes. Come let out whatever is doing you wrong sushi
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it is so funny
saw a person commenting about how sushi was faster than ever
it is all actually this one guy spamming this site to death
I feel bad for you all


to be fair, he did post that when there was a weird influx from some other site. but yes it is comically easy to tell when some people are posting over and over again.

I don't mind the small community feel at all, but I do miss when people were more serious about posting about more positive things


About a year ago I "finished" my degree and almost straight after that I got my dream job in the city I've always wanted to live in, made a ton of friends down here and found a really lovely house with cool housemates. I had space for car hobby so I got a new project I was excited to work on, had space for other indoors stuff I liked to do plus got out to see friends regularly enough. My friend from where I used to live for uni became my gf, then moved into my sharehouse and we were really comfy together although I maybe saw less of my friends.

Ffw to today, I suck shit at my job & feel like brain has been turning to mush, can't even remember how to do basic shit most of the time. I've been constantly stressed the fuck out (or sometimes just stupidly happy and bouncy & ignoring everything important) I'm constantly snapping at my gf and just in general being a horrible person to her. I feel like I rarely see my friends and almost never go out, at least nowhere near as much as I'd like to. Project car is basically the same as it was last year, just now I've moved into a place where I won't really have space to work on it.
I'm also apparently terrible at money management, on a 70k salary I've managed to save $0. Last month has been a total nightmare since I spent a whole paycheck on bond and rent and had nothing to survive on since I get paid monthly.

Everything is perfect for me, apparently I just suck at everything
Going to go n ride into a wall or something,cya


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Updating these posts I wrote a few months ago in the last personal problems thread to write a little book review. I realise that those posts are a massive wall of text, so the tl;dr is essentially that I was addicted to talking to myself through an extremely autistic form of roleplay-writing I dubbed "TfT". I thought that posting about it would maybe help me, but it didn't do anything, although I appreciate the sushi who replied to me.
Anyway, two months ago I was able to quit this addiction in literal hours thanks to a book I picked up at random called "Smart Phone, Dumb Phone" by John Dicey. It's supposed to be an application of a quitting smoking method called "easyway" onto smartphone addiction. The tone of the book is very suspicious and it reads like an MLM scam or something. I'm not sure I can recommend it for other sushis struggling with tech addiction, though it was very effective for me for this specific problem.
Essentially, the crux of the method is realising that addiction causes you to confuse the relief of ending withdrawal with pleasure, and the trick to quitting is dismantling the mental rationalisations you've developed to convince yourself otherwise. Summarising it like that makes it sound fairly obvious, but I think the presentation is a big part of it. It also has a lot to do with your own attitude and this is why I think the method is hit or miss. If you can correctly identify and deconstruct these rationalisations, then I think it's very effective, but whereas I had instant success with TfT, I have tried unsuccessfully to apply this to my desire to quit eating junk food and stop using my computer. It requires a lot of careful introspection.
Unfortunately, my life has not improved at all without TfT and in most respects has gotten worse. The anti-climactic ending was bad for my confidence and I'm too afraid of relapsing to take pride in what I've accomplished. Whereas I used to be able to tell myself "right, I was writing TfT all day today" before going to bed, I now have genuinely no idea what I do all day on the computer. I did things like watch anime and study chess during the first week without TfT, but now I don't even do that.
Maybe I will feel better if I actually get off the computer, but unfortunately it's a more difficPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Huh, read your posts and the situation is eerily familiar. I've kept a diary on my computer since ~2017 and written 1.5M+ words since then. It's pretty addicting to yell into the void instead of writing things that have to be read & judged by other people.
Very indirectly, I guess it has helped me figure out what I really want to do in life, which in turn has led to me spending less time on the computer overall. It's hard to let go, but if things go well I should be able to knock it within a few months…

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I don't really like sushi…
Or girls…


Aho! I don't like you that much either!


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I can change that… shoves raw fish and rice down your throat


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wow, rude.


It's fine, we got some ramenboys too

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[ kaitensushi ] [ lounge / arcade / kawaii / kitchen / tunes / culture / silicon ] [ otaku ] [ yakuza ] [ hell ] [ ? / chat ] [ lewd / uboa ] [ x ]