What do you mean a relationship you baby? I never been in a relationship I only got crushes on friendly ladyes and ctjed and cried and cried and I'm handsome and hot and funny and women have crushes on me but I never realized how to act what to do with them so I stayed a desperate virgin who craveswomen and love I just want to love and be loved but I never got it despite the fact many women wanted that HELP ME
I'm not even sure love is real. I've been in quite a few relationships, but The most I feel around someone else is a comforting feeling. At what point does like become love? Love just seems a very strong word for something as fickle and ephemeral as human emotion. Maybe I'm just a psychopath.
A few weeks ago. Then I ran out of moonsugar and came to my senses.>>3565> HELP ME
I CAN'T!!! Same shit for me, except I'm not even that handsome. Whenever I'm around a love interest, I become extremely uncomfortable to the point where I enter fight or flight mode.>>3570
Love is the delusional state, where you believe everything will be okay, as long as you are with the person you are in love with. In an ongoing relationship it may become a more trust-based belief, similar to religious devotion. This is also why adultery is such a devastating blow to a relationship.
In retrospect, I think it may have happened to me in my early teens, but at the time I just saw it as a great friendship and didn't realize what I had until it was ripped away by outside forces.
And that's how I lost my religion.
I fell in love with a friend and we went out for a little bit, but he broke it off after just a couple of weeks. now I don't know what to do with my feelings towards him :/
2010, when I graduated high school.
Primarily the time where I was going through an existential crisis, and I started hanging out with a close fren. They asked me how I felt about them and I told them I loved them, but it turned out they felt the same. The butterflies wear off after about a week, though. I guess bussy and hugs are better than therapy?
probably at least a decade
i love my current bf but i dont feel my heart slamming against my chest or queasy anymore like how i did back when i was in hs
that's a more gentle kind of love, but no more or less valid. :>
I come back to this post to finally admit it
Love has got into my body for the first time and has changed me as a man after all these years.
Life can be full of miracles
I mean, apparently I have a crush right now. Maybe? I've struggled for a long time with the idea of sexuality and what love/romantic affection for others actually is for me.
On one hand– there have been times when I've been asked out and I've thought "oh god no I don't think about you in that way at all", but there have also been rarer times where I've gone "oh. OH." and then proceeded to experience the messy butterfly feelings. So obviously I have some form of preference or radar, but all of those experiences have been *prompted*. I never seriously considered them in that way before the door was opened. I wonder if this is some form of the aromantic spectrum or something. I certainly desire a relationship with another person but I struggle thinking of a single time where I looked around a room, noticed someone, and personally, deeply developed a crush. I haven't met a single other person who has this shared experience.
It's complicated by the nature of my social life and circles. I thought I was entirely gay for a long time but a recent experience in the fashion of what I describe above probably means I'm capable of het attraction too, so that's been weird. I've always felt I've been able to make friends with all groups of people really easily, and my closest friends are men, women, and everything else. So it's not like there's a particular group of people that isolates itself to me as a potential "dating pool". That's how I assume it works for straight people at least.
I don't know. On the bright side I have a shitton of time to figure it out but I hope somehow I can find my place in the world and in the human experience. I do think I like this guy, we have some niche shared interests and he's a genuinely good human being so it'd be nice if something good could come of it. I've been having trouble looking at him while he talks lately >_> eek. I don't know how people do this, interacting with someone normally when you think of them… differently is so weird. But I don't think anyone suspects!
>>3783>I certainly desire a relationship with another person but I struggle thinking of a single time where I looked around a room, noticed someone, and personally, deeply developed a crush.
Don't worry, there's others in your case – I'm the exact same. What I've figured out is that I'm only able to date people whom I consider close friends and are rather similar to me in terms of mentality and shared interests. I thought for a long time I was unable of romantic attraction and would probably live the rest of my life alone, until I met someone in the last year who is LiterallyMe™, which led to my first confession (and relationship!). Gender doesn't matter to me as much as whether I click with that person or not.
I hope everything will go well for you!
we are gonna play yakuza 7 together next week
we are dating now I’m pretty sure. or at least we are now testing the waters and will probably start a relationship! but we are both a little bit shy and keep seizing up awkwardly when we see each other LOL. but it’s okay, I’m happy just taking it slow and enjoying the conversations we have. butterflies in the stomach are crazy man
Probably high school (>3 years ago). I went on a date not that long ago but I really can't say I've felt deep love for them like I've felt for other people in the past. If I'm away from people long enough my romantic feelings kind of fade out and its something I never think about until I'm in a social setting again, in which case they'll fire back up for a while. Doesn't make me feel depressed or anything.
>>3820> If I'm away from people long enough my romantic feelings kind of fade out and its something I never think about until I'm in a social setting again, in which case they'll fire back up for a while.
This is pretty much how my platonic relationships all work. I don't use any social media, and none of my IRL friends do IRC so unless you're right here in front of me physically, we're not communicating.
And now I feel weird about clicking the "I'm not a robot" box because I realize this sounds like robot behavior.
Only the IRC part might be a bit robotic. :)
Sometimes I feel direct messaging ruined more than it brought to my life. People were meant to discover each other slowly.
>>3349>Kanae pic>What you wrote
I can't believe we are not the same person. I fully understand you
After being broken by a previous relationship im starting to see someone and woww i really love them. We're kinda sorta a thing right now but not 100%. Im reading to her until she goes to sleep and all, it makes my brain feel funnyy
Good for you buddy.
I broke up with my girl because she got tired of my behaviour due to my lack of experience.
I'd love to rekindle something like what we had, but chances seem very dim.
Gotta try though.
I'm approaching 30 and I've never experienced it
I think I'm gonna be alone forever, probably
When my last relationship ended almost 2 years ago. We still talk sometimes and I still feel a little of what I felt back then. I think she still has feelings for me too, but neither of us are willing or able to tell the other how we feel… Maybe I'm just being hopeful
For what it's worth, they're small channels which have more or less outlived the activity of their community, but people still idle out of habit. There can be days or even weeks between messages.
(My point being, nobody's really getting to know other people at warp speed. I think I've been in one of them for 6 years at this point, and I still feel like a newbie.)
All I can suggest is getting into activities of your interests in classes outside, and lowering your standards.
I wish I could meet someone like my ex, but given the environments I move in and the kind of people I have to deal with, I may as well just take what I can.
And hey, these people aren't so bad, but they could look a bit better
I don't really know how to start this without it sounding really horrible, but I've never felt those butterflies towards an adult. I feel like I'm living on a different planet from the guys that slobber all over women in yoga pants at the gym. It's weird because I have "normal" sexual interests, but I can satisfy that with PornHub and beyond that I have zero interest in women.
Every once in a while I feel that feeling towards a fictional character; love; butterflies; whatever you want to call it. Often in manga or anime, sometimes 3DPD. I've read that lolicons are so fascinated by by the idea of youth because they don't have the emotional capacity to relate to an adult. I don't know if this is true of me or not. It's not like I'm desperate for an adult relationship and I just don't know how. I literally just don't feel butterflies for them. It's like I'm immune from the charms of women. Isn't that weird?
the only person i've called a boyfriend is not one of the several people i've actually fallen in love with
I’m a late bloomer. I never really understood love or any of that. Maybe I still don’t. But one of my best friends and I started dating 6 months ago and life is light. There really is joy in simple things. This experience helped me discover that, but there are lots of ways to improve your life like that, and going on a date usually isn’t it for a lot of people. But the good stuff in that area has happened to me. And it’s nice. I admit.
Just some tried and true advice I needed to throw out there though. Only date and crush on people you really trust and you know truly see you for who you are and respect your boundaries. I had an awful experience with someone who did not fulfill these requirements, had feelings for me, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to reciprocate and it ended up with them harassing/stalking me. I still have trouble sleeping sometimes remembering how uncomfortable some of those memories are.
Cherish the good people in your life who will support you all the way.
Never had luck with dating apps, I've met my first partner on Discord though
Hope you don’t mind me asking, but I can’t contain my curiosity anymore because I’ve seen these situations play out a few times. Do you guys meet in person or do you date online only?
After talking for a bit we've realized we only life around 200km apart. We've started meeting IRL as friends, and after a few times "decided" to start a relationship.
We've been living together for 2 years now and married earlier this year.
I have to admit though, often time when people said they have a partner on Discord it was fully online so I can understand your curiosity.
That is wonderful! Congratulations!
Yeah, it usually is completely online. I was hoping you’d flip the tables on the stereotype in your response, and you did :)
The internet can be a drag, but stories like yours remind me that it can bring good too.
Twice so far. Once as a kid and once as a teen.
It didn't go anywhere as a kid, because she and I were both still kids at that time, the concept of love and all was still unknown. Honestly I don't even know as what she saw me back then, maybe just a playmate? Or a childish crush like I had too?
Well the second one did go somewhere but it ended awful. From what I hear and see those teenage romances are either the partner for life or embarrassing, maybe even painful, first experiences.
Now as an adult I didn't have that feel so far.
Honestly, I am lonely. I could use the companionship. Maintaining relationships, if friendship or romantic, is just so tiresome. Either I can get past my mental health issues or all I will ever be compatible with will be somebody who has them too.
Now my mother is pestering me about getting a cat again, for my wellbeing. I know it would do me good, but the thought alone of having another one die in my arms after 10, or 15, or 20 years makes me tear up.
All while I still miss friends, but now I am that age where former classmates and friends start to be successful and hearing about them, or even seeing them, makes me feel so much worse. I feel like I am still the same as back then, playing video games, hanging around the Internet, watching anime, fighting my health issues while news like x is pregnant, y married, z owns a company, z and y bought a house together, x got a degree and so on reach me.
Not only is it really awful getting to know people where I life, thanks to the story of my life I just can't connect to them at all.
I am tired, sushis. I don't even know where to go anymore on the Internet. The fact that it is online and not offline hurts me more and more. I can't get any satisfaction out of it anymore. Not to forget how it changed. I miss how it was 10 years ago, how it was 15 years ago.
I am also tired of labelling things as didn't cry at work today and didn't think about killing myself today as successes or having seen a cat as the highlight of my week.
Thank you! I had already given up on finding a someone when I met her, I'm happy I just had such a pure coincidence
>>4104>I feel like I am still the same as back then, playing video games, hanging around the Internet, watching anime, fighting my health issues while news like x is pregnant, y married, z owns a company, z and y bought a house together, x got a degree and so on reach me.
I'm in a kinda similar situation, except I don't have to deal with any of that life milestone noise because I stay far away from any and all social media.
My condolences. I wish I had a mate like you in real life. I guess the reason why I still didn't quit the Internet is because it is the place where I can relate to others and others to me as well.
I don't use social media as well, those news reach me through my mother, she often meets other mothers during errands and stuff.
Exactly a year ago. First time it happened in nearly a decade. Too bad it didn't end well.
Your friend is very lucky
Didn't even realize Valentine's Day is coming up. May all of us singles out there have a happy Valentine's Day.
I get the feeling. I wish there a word for "nostalgia for a loved one who doesn't think about you."
and no i won't use dating apps
>>4242>>4243>seems like where I live it's not as common to approach people on bars
it's more and more like this everywhere now. tho most relationships still start thru either mutual friends or work/school, dating sites or 'the apps' are very common now. sure they suck but what are you gonna do? sure the vast majority of people are shit (if you're not a normie) but with persistence and making use of multiple platforms (one must cast a wide net after all) you will occasionally find another human being of worth.
but after saying that, yes of course, it is better to try and meet people in real life if you're capable, but I understand the many who are not. i can't imagine finding any more worthwhile people at bar's or such public places to be honest though, my match, like myself, spends a lot of time in her room and does not go out to a public drinking or dancing spot to spend her leisure time.
if that is the kind of person you are though, more power to you and good luck.
have you figured anything out yet, sushi roll?
Looking for a reason to develop themselves, aren't they?
I'm too old to make it ;_;
guy I like PICKED ME UP, in HIS ARMS
crazy how some people can just do that
>>4370> If you're a girl, you'll have men putting a façade, backstabbing and disposing of their friends to get to you, and treat you as if you were some kind of game to win.
This isn’t something that “happens to all girls” or is even close to a universal experience of girls. And trust me, if you were a girl, you would *not* want this. No healthy relationship is built on this concept.
The language around having “game” hurts men and women.
You don't want to be chased by lying manipulative jackasses like that. Trust me, you don't. I have been. It sucks, and I got hurt. Being with a horrible person is NOT better than being alone.
tfw when no girl(even manipulative) ever is chasing you.
I'm the one who manipulative tho, bc no girl'll ever love such generic man as me without altering her mind with some tricks. And I feel bad bc of this. I'm literally man from >>4370
It is in no way disrespectful. It's best to get into this mindset: let the other person make that judgement. Sure, it means you might get rejected sometimes, it's much less painful than regret.
but how could I realistically appear without being all awkward?
i am so stupid
I don't know what your exact circumstances are, but if you have her contact just ask her to coffee or something. If you have a place where you regularly run into her already I assure you awkwardness is only in your head. Running into her again there would be natural by default, and even if its not, a little of that sort of awkwardness out of interest can be fine. Just say hi, even if it's obvious you only showed up for her, if she's really thinking of you she'll like that. And again, if not, at least you'll know. But try your best!
We don't really just have the same space, we just share the same places on the internet. It's not someone who lives close or that I have the money to travel to (yet), but I think to share just a few spaces here and there mite b cool.
Technically speaking I'd just be an internet stranger at best, a creep at worst.
I still maintain that you should relax and just reach out when you find a good time to. Asking to chat doesn't make you strange at all. People like getting to know people better.
I had a strange, whirlwind crush on my coworker last fall. She used to just open up the archive where I do most of my work, but last year there were some changes and we now work together for a few hours every week. I had not been that interested in her before, but having to spend so much time with her made me realise that she is extremely cute. Talking to her made me feel very giddy and I thought about her constantly. As soon as I learned she had a boyfriend and is also ten years older than me, it was like those feelings disappeared in a puff of smoke. I'm grateful for that, at least.
I have thought about it and I never want to go through that again. Not that I feel upset over her, but moreso that my judgement became so clouded. Even though I tried to convince myself that she was just being friendly, I still misread every interaction. If we had gotten along better, I think I would have asked her out despite it being unprofessional. Fortunately, I am extremely quiet around most people and we mostly work in silence, though she sometimes like to rant about her work if she's annoyed about something, so we don't have any chemistry.
Still, the fact that this was my only real line of defence concerns me. I will need to rethink how I deal with women in the future.
Tale as old as time.
If it works for something, she is not meant for you, something better awaits on the corner, you just gotta know what you want in life, go there, and eventually you'll meet someone.
*Disclaimer: This "know what you want" thingy may involve social environment, like language or art classes, clubs relating to a specific subject, or even just events with your specific interests. Emphasis on yours.
You got this king.
For all my friends in this thread.
Thanks sushi. Your words are appreciated.
Someone just stab me and make me bleed out til i die.
i feel just like this. i'm so in love with a friend, he doesn't know but i'm absolutely 100% sure he wouldn't feel the same way, so all i can do is sit with it. even if it's painful it does remind me that i'm human too. things like this are bound to happen
last time i felt mutual love i fucked it up, perfect girl, so much in common and she's one of the few people who really understands me, i broke it off because commitment issues + still had feelings for guy i mentioned. i didnt wanna hurt her. i'd rather be alone than hurt her even without her knowing lol
i've accepted just being alone at this point because i seem to not know what i want, and when i do want something i fuck it up. hehe
I think I might have a poor understanding of the term avoidant.
In any case, the issue is that I become too invested at what might happen, and if things go south I tend to remove them from my life, which kinda sucks because later things may have gone well but I don't think that's a healthy mindset to have.
I don't like that kind of behaviour, if I can get to talk things out with someone I'd be more pleased, but with how most of the times I try something end up with ghosting, and the other person just doesn't seem to care as much as I do, it makes me annoyed and to avoid being hurt I just remove them ASAP.
I guess there is someone I have a crush on but I wouldn't call it love
I'm not sure, sushi. At least I don't 'feel' sad or depressed. If being sad was the issue for eight years I'd have gone to a therapist already. It's something more ingrained, like an instinct I simply don't have, as if it was either surgically removed from me one day or never there to begin with, or something like that.
i feel pretty much the same as >>4537
who basically described word-for-word the relationships I had with friends in high school and on the internet. Socializing always felt sort of hollow. I would have periods of going offline for weeks, and the only thing that would have me come back to my friends was guilt. i used to have a particularly clingy and affectionate best friend who shared many of the same interests as me and loved talking to me, and as I would disappear regularly they would keep sending me messages as if I was still there. ignoring them made me feel really bad, but that irrational feeling of 'keeping friends is a burden' and 'wanting to be left alone' wins through, despite all their genuine affection towards me. at some point I snapped, cut contact with all school and internet friends for the last time, and have been on my own since. I have memories of hanging out with them and doing fun things are their home but what I feel should have been a watershed of sadness turned out to be little more than a relief when they moved to another city, and I didn't have to go out with them on the weekends every other week out of social expectation and pressure. I used to hate myself for thinking like this but I've come to terms that this is how I am, and there is little to be done about it.
I'm sure most of you sushis don't feel this way, I've yet to meet someone who does, and I don't want to derail my thread with my alien life experiences. But I am incapable to love back those who love me and it hurts sometimes.
s/my thread/this thread/, sorry for impersonating you there OP.