and no i won't use dating apps
>>4242>>4243>seems like where I live it's not as common to approach people on bars
it's more and more like this everywhere now. tho most relationships still start thru either mutual friends or work/school, dating sites or 'the apps' are very common now. sure they suck but what are you gonna do? sure the vast majority of people are shit (if you're not a normie) but with persistence and making use of multiple platforms (one must cast a wide net after all) you will occasionally find another human being of worth.
but after saying that, yes of course, it is better to try and meet people in real life if you're capable, but I understand the many who are not. i can't imagine finding any more worthwhile people at bar's or such public places to be honest though, my match, like myself, spends a lot of time in her room and does not go out to a public drinking or dancing spot to spend her leisure time.
if that is the kind of person you are though, more power to you and good luck.
have you figured anything out yet, sushi roll?
Looking for a reason to develop themselves, aren't they?
I'm too old to make it ;_;
guy I like PICKED ME UP, in HIS ARMS
crazy how some people can just do that
>>4370> If you're a girl, you'll have men putting a façade, backstabbing and disposing of their friends to get to you, and treat you as if you were some kind of game to win.
This isn’t something that “happens to all girls” or is even close to a universal experience of girls. And trust me, if you were a girl, you would *not* want this. No healthy relationship is built on this concept.
The language around having “game” hurts men and women.
You don't want to be chased by lying manipulative jackasses like that. Trust me, you don't. I have been. It sucks, and I got hurt. Being with a horrible person is NOT better than being alone.
tfw when no girl(even manipulative) ever is chasing you.
I'm the one who manipulative tho, bc no girl'll ever love such generic man as me without altering her mind with some tricks. And I feel bad bc of this. I'm literally man from >>4370
It is in no way disrespectful. It's best to get into this mindset: let the other person make that judgement. Sure, it means you might get rejected sometimes, it's much less painful than regret.
but how could I realistically appear without being all awkward?
i am so stupid
I don't know what your exact circumstances are, but if you have her contact just ask her to coffee or something. If you have a place where you regularly run into her already I assure you awkwardness is only in your head. Running into her again there would be natural by default, and even if its not, a little of that sort of awkwardness out of interest can be fine. Just say hi, even if it's obvious you only showed up for her, if she's really thinking of you she'll like that. And again, if not, at least you'll know. But try your best!
We don't really just have the same space, we just share the same places on the internet. It's not someone who lives close or that I have the money to travel to (yet), but I think to share just a few spaces here and there mite b cool.
Technically speaking I'd just be an internet stranger at best, a creep at worst.
I still maintain that you should relax and just reach out when you find a good time to. Asking to chat doesn't make you strange at all. People like getting to know people better.
I had a strange, whirlwind crush on my coworker last fall. She used to just open up the archive where I do most of my work, but last year there were some changes and we now work together for a few hours every week. I had not been that interested in her before, but having to spend so much time with her made me realise that she is extremely cute. Talking to her made me feel very giddy and I thought about her constantly. As soon as I learned she had a boyfriend and is also ten years older than me, it was like those feelings disappeared in a puff of smoke. I'm grateful for that, at least.
I have thought about it and I never want to go through that again. Not that I feel upset over her, but moreso that my judgement became so clouded. Even though I tried to convince myself that she was just being friendly, I still misread every interaction. If we had gotten along better, I think I would have asked her out despite it being unprofessional. Fortunately, I am extremely quiet around most people and we mostly work in silence, though she sometimes like to rant about her work if she's annoyed about something, so we don't have any chemistry.
Still, the fact that this was my only real line of defence concerns me. I will need to rethink how I deal with women in the future.
Tale as old as time.
If it works for something, she is not meant for you, something better awaits on the corner, you just gotta know what you want in life, go there, and eventually you'll meet someone.
*Disclaimer: This "know what you want" thingy may involve social environment, like language or art classes, clubs relating to a specific subject, or even just events with your specific interests. Emphasis on yours.
You got this king.
For all my friends in this thread.
Thanks sushi. Your words are appreciated.
Someone just stab me and make me bleed out til i die.
i feel just like this. i'm so in love with a friend, he doesn't know but i'm absolutely 100% sure he wouldn't feel the same way, so all i can do is sit with it. even if it's painful it does remind me that i'm human too. things like this are bound to happen
last time i felt mutual love i fucked it up, perfect girl, so much in common and she's one of the few people who really understands me, i broke it off because commitment issues + still had feelings for guy i mentioned. i didnt wanna hurt her. i'd rather be alone than hurt her even without her knowing lol
i've accepted just being alone at this point because i seem to not know what i want, and when i do want something i fuck it up. hehe
I think I might have a poor understanding of the term avoidant.
In any case, the issue is that I become too invested at what might happen, and if things go south I tend to remove them from my life, which kinda sucks because later things may have gone well but I don't think that's a healthy mindset to have.
I don't like that kind of behaviour, if I can get to talk things out with someone I'd be more pleased, but with how most of the times I try something end up with ghosting, and the other person just doesn't seem to care as much as I do, it makes me annoyed and to avoid being hurt I just remove them ASAP.
I guess there is someone I have a crush on but I wouldn't call it love
I'm not sure, sushi. At least I don't 'feel' sad or depressed. If being sad was the issue for eight years I'd have gone to a therapist already. It's something more ingrained, like an instinct I simply don't have, as if it was either surgically removed from me one day or never there to begin with, or something like that.
i feel pretty much the same as >>4537
who basically described word-for-word the relationships I had with friends in high school and on the internet. Socializing always felt sort of hollow. I would have periods of going offline for weeks, and the only thing that would have me come back to my friends was guilt. i used to have a particularly clingy and affectionate best friend who shared many of the same interests as me and loved talking to me, and as I would disappear regularly they would keep sending me messages as if I was still there. ignoring them made me feel really bad, but that irrational feeling of 'keeping friends is a burden' and 'wanting to be left alone' wins through, despite all their genuine affection towards me. at some point I snapped, cut contact with all school and internet friends for the last time, and have been on my own since. I have memories of hanging out with them and doing fun things are their home but what I feel should have been a watershed of sadness turned out to be little more than a relief when they moved to another city, and I didn't have to go out with them on the weekends every other week out of social expectation and pressure. I used to hate myself for thinking like this but I've come to terms that this is how I am, and there is little to be done about it.
I'm sure most of you sushis don't feel this way, I've yet to meet someone who does, and I don't want to derail my thread with my alien life experiences. But I am incapable to love back those who love me and it hurts sometimes.
s/my thread/this thread/, sorry for impersonating you there OP.
i wish i ever experienced love/a crush, i feel like a bad person for turning down people that had feelings for me
i also don't have anyone to relate, the only other virgins actually experience love and their problem is that they get rejected
i don't know if there is a term or a community for what i'm experiencing, i'm thinking i'm maybe aromantic but it wouldn't make sense since i want to have romantic feelings, desperatly
people have trouble believing me when i say that i never fell in love, i feel so anormal (in a bad way)
i also wish i had female friends, but it's pretty much impossible when everything is so sexualised
i feel like >>3570
, at best i find someone interesting but i don't even understand what love could be
i'm thinking maybe everyone is faking it and calling a crush simply finding the other person sexually attractive and that love is something like a good friendship with sexual attraction but that sounds very depressing, if that's just it, i can just have friends and a sextoy
Will you just reply?
All of my current friends I seldom talk to. Neither of us talk to the other for months at a time, and then out of the blue reach out and pick up where we left off. It's really nice as someone who finds most relationships boring but gets lonely.
I haven't felt love since my relationship with my ex fiancé went south. I have had minor little feelings here and there, and the odd hookup, but not love-love. I also became far more of a shut in since then, so no relationship has had enough oxygen to burn to the level of love. Although now that I am older I have discovered that love is not a feeling. Not really. The feeling folks describe as love is not love. It's infatuation, or puppy-love and it fades. Not knowing this caused me to ruin some really excellent romantic relationships in my youth as the feeling I thought was love faded. Love is not an emotion but a choice. One day that infatuation will fade. The relationship will run out of tinder and the fire will reduce to embers. Love is when you stoke those embers and keep the remnants of that fire alive. There may be a spark, and the fire may ignite again, but true love is the bed of coals. Not the flame.
recently actually. it was a bizarre experience because i never really experienced it as a kid / teen. didnt work out tho but hey, it happens. it was kind of cool though, its like i unlocked a new feeling for the first time in my life lol
Love is an illusion, a cultural phenomenon that is advertised a day in a cultural lore, without a break.
And all this, of course, is tied to the force of sex, relationships, fetishes in the form of underwear, all kinds. In fact, this is a fiction at the level of God and religions.
If you really fall in love with someone in your life, then let this man and this languor, hormonal thrashing, burning. For any person will get tired over time and change, for people are imperfect and do not correspond to invented stamps of myths, dogmas, stereotypes, epics and poetry.