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/hell/ - internet death cult

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Remember to keep it cozy!

Happy Holidays!

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I thought of making this thread here so that I don't derail the place with things most people wouldn't like to indulge.
Sadness is something that can be a bit of a vicious cycle, indulge too much in it and you'll see it as your only refuge.
But, we do need to let it out sometimes. Come let out whatever is doing you wrong sushi


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Why whenever I make a post that is sad and gloomy I try to not look at it afterwards?


Probably because you got it off your chest and you're trying not to let it back in


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Feeling like I'm gonna die alone.


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I don't know where to start with it all. My mind has become a mess. I wish I was dead but I'd never kill myself because I don't want to hurt my family. I met my Dad for the first time a little over a year ago, and the thought of him learning that I committed suicide is enough to stave off making an attempt. It's not stopping my thoughts though. I don't know what I'm doing anymore with my life either. I just want guidance and no one can give it to me. I could stay in the military where I've been hating my life because of awful leadership and hope it'll get better one day. Or I can get out and live with my Dad before going to college and hoping I actually enjoy college and manage to live a good life afterwards. If I get out I'll lose the friends I've made over the years. At the same time I'm still not even sure they're actually my friends because no one ever talks to me outside of work unless I force my way into their lives. Then there's my awful love life where the only dating I've done is online only. I'm hung up on people that I'll never get another chance with and can't get them out of my head. A few months ago, one of the guys I call a friend convinced me to lose my firsts to a random woman on tinder. I've been in a downward spiral of hopelessness since that. It was my first time holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, having sex, all in one night and I can barely remember how any of it went. By the end of the night I just felt like it was a waste of time and the entire ordeal felt pointless to care about. Now I just feel dirty and regretful but also upset that everyone (myself included) made such a fuss over all this just for it to feel lackluster. I lost any drive to try harder in life. I've been living my life so far with a goal of trying to be secure for a family I love. Now I feel lost. I've never dated anyone in real life, always people over discord. I even swore that off for two years in an attempt to try harder with finding love in real life. I know what I miss from all that is the feeling of being able to do anything when it feels like someone loves and supports you. I know I'm acting all "woe is me" with this and the advice I've seen before is "don't do things to try to find love, just be yourself and you'll find someone along the way." It's too hard to convince myself to get out of bed to get food from my kitchen, how do I convince myself to do things for myself. I want to stop being a little friendly lady about it all. Sex is lame, I've never experienced real love in person but online it seemed so nice. I want to hear it again. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've lost every motivation to try for anything. Work? Family? College? Love? Knowledge? I'm going through the motions and hoping it'll eventually sort itself out. But right now it's too much and I want to cry but the tears don't come out when I need them. Sometimes the need to cry will hit me during bad moments, like when I'm talking to a coworker. I haven't let any tears out yet though. What is this? I hate the way it feels.


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I wanna kill myself.


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I wish someone could pat my head and tell me that everything is going to be ok


Do you want to be lied to?


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Can I have my fantasies untainted?


*pat pat* Everything will be okay because we'll be dead :D


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hahaha made me dig this screen shot out


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I still think of that special someone I had many years ago.
I wish I didn't screw up so badly, she was the only person who ever was so kind to me.
I… dammit…


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These thoughts always appear when something shitty happens to me. I want to find shelter in someone I can trust, but that person is not there anymore
I have other people in life, but I'm not comfortable being open with them about this, and the only person I find myself comfortable talking about this is always busy and can't reply way too often because of this.
This sucks.
Yesterday I was crossing the road, and some car that was speeding yelled at me "You're gonna end up dead like that, dead fuck"
I screamed at the car "I wish"
And truthfully, I wish I was dead


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My fucking frenulum got cut off


did it hurt


My depression and loneliness hurts more


Let's die together, sushi roll


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Dreamt that I had a love interest


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I want to hire a hitman on myself


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I wish I was never shown what kindness, tenderness, and care were.
After getting this, I have been constantly searching for it and in return I only got betrayals, backstabbing and deceit.
No, I was not happy being a bitter man, resentful against society for things he'd never have like an SO or friends to rely on, but I was blissful in this belief that I'd only have myself.
If I was never shown that facet of life, I could have kept going.
Now after that I just got into a deeper pit that the one i was before. Imageboards are unbearable to me now, but the people I talk to on the internet just fade away at best, take advantage of me at worst.
In the constant search of people to be with, I got burned.
I just don't know what to do anymore. No friends because the ones i had before broke my trust, no SO because I'm repulsive as hell, and with my mother dying last year I just got trapped into this house forever.
I'll never reach my happy ending. I used to believe I would, but I think i just don't wanna fight back anymore. No more reason to.
I'll just become the same as my dad. Abandoned, forfeited, despised and ignored forever


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Maybe if I dox myself, I'll get killed quicker


> Imageboards are unbearable to me now
Same. That shit that is being posted on imageboards nowadays… I don't want misogyny, misandry, racism, politics, porn and memes. All while some actual discussions are going on, but without having to read stuff about my wife/children/girlfriend and also how to get girlfriend, virgin, blah blah blah. Shit is fucked. Aplying all of that I conclude I should just fuck off already. Thank you for reading, fgt.

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