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Do you guys see yourself in the context of society and decide, ultimately, that you are the one to blame for your problems?


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I am to blame for my problems. But at the same time, you would do what I do if you were me. Now ain't that a conundrum


It's not that simple, Even if a person is to blame for their problems there are always more things leading up to the problems creation, Nobody exists in a clean vacuum completely separated from external influence.


I am to blame for my current situation, I'm well aware of that, but I'd say society bears some (not all) of the blame for my situation happening in the first place.


And since there is nearly infinite number of cofactors, it all becomes simple.


Simple in the practicality of daily life, "Do your best with what you're given" but not so much in singling out an element to put all the blame for an existing state even if the self/person is the focal point of all these factors.


I think it's a mix as other sushi roll said. There are factors that screw you up (extreme poverty, high violence), things that can prevent/cause problems (good parents, community), and yourself. An example of this is while I wasn't failing high school I didn't have the best grades. I know it's mostly the fault I didn't do the best, but factors like my parents never caring if I got a 60 or my school being the worst in my state pushed me down that road. Again I'm not blaming them, but if my circumstances were different I would be different.


Of course not.


i put myself in very hard situations, like entering medschool, and now all ahead just feels like tons of hard work. I dont know in the first place why this seemed like the easiet way to go.


each person, with the exception of certain prisoners and the like, has a certain degree of control over their life. Some more than others. A lot of social circumstances can severely limit a person's ability to do what they want.
However, every person has the ability to try their hardest to get something. If you want something, than try to get it over and over again until you die. You'll probably fail dozens if not hundreds of times doing so. But failure is not a sin, giving up on what you want and allowing that regret to steep inside you is. Go out there and try your hardest to get what you want. Even if you fail forever, the attempt itself is admirable.


If you see yourself as part of the society around you, then sure, you can decide where to apportion blame and responsibility for your life.
If you do not, then there is no choice. There is only the world as it is and the limits of your own will and strength.


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When debugging code or an electrical circuit, you conceptually divide the system and check the working of the subsystems until you find a faulty subsystem small enough that it's worth replacing rather than dividing. This subsystem is to 'blame' for the problems with the system as a whole.
It is a nice notion that the self is the only one that can be to blame for anything, but it's not technically accurate. I like the truer notion. The self is the point where action and influence can be applied. It is not the only place where faults can exist.
However! Electrical circuits are not simple, but they are much more simple than people. When dealing with systems made out of people you are forced to work with fuzzy probabilities and subjectivity. It's not ideal, but it makes life interesting.
Then there's the notion pointed out in this thread that faults have causes! If a subsystem is causing faults in other subsystems that is quite a fault indeed. But the chain of causality goes back to the mysterious origin. Probably no use following it back that far to try and fix…
I'd like it if people were compassionate to others who have faults in them, not because the fault was caused by something else, or because the fault could have been incorrectly identified, but because it's nice to have compassion.


I take responsibility for what I do but not for who I am. I didn't decide to have the limitations I was born with. I am doing my best.


Very nice post, you should have a bonus cup of tea.

Although I'm not always doing my best.


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Thanks sushi. My bonus tea is actually honey ginger drink^^


Yes. My problems of a lack of intimacy, friendship, or whatever social needs exist out there, it's my fault. It's all in my head. Nobody can change my mind except for myself, and yet, I don't fix any of it. I perpetuate this never ending cycle of negativity because it has become so natural it's more comfortable to be depressed and mellowed out than not.


No. Unironically my biggest problem is caused by society and it's retarded laws that limit people unfairly.


Is this a tamper?


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I blame myself. But am I still a product of the environments I grew up in. Go figure.


Yes! I got a used pump driven espresso machine and now I can have nice espresso every morning!^^
I just went and bought some new beans today. They are always best when fresh.


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Coffee people yay!
I aeropress every morning, have a Comandante C40 and beans from a local roaster, it's expensive but so worth it. It kind of coincided with me getting my life back in order last year so I always associate morning/afternoon coffee at home with good things.

I've been dreaming of getting a second hand La Pavoni or Gaggia Classic to move into home espresso. What machine do you have?


La Pavoni and Gaggia are dreamy. My first machine was De'Longhi EC155 with a hario slim. Then I found a EC220b on kijiji and gave the EC155 to a friend. Both have been great. I also found a used burr mill electric coffee grinder and modified it to do espresso size. I'd like to try a direct lever pull machine some day, or maybe build one.
Local roast beans and Comandante sound like they really outshine aeropress. Its good coffee, but it's not espresso. Life's too short not to drink espresso imo. Get an EC155 or whatever you can find that is used and pump (not steam) driven so you can start pulling espresso. Then lurk for a good deal on your dream machine.
Thanks for the reply. Makes me feel warm to hear from a fellow coffee roll.
I am to blame for my problems and my cozy coffee mornings.


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It's always nice to see coffee people all over the places.

I don't have anything, because I work at a cafe most of a month, with few days off, so I drink coffe at work. But it's a cuppa coffee made on commercial equipment ^^
We've just got a new machine a week ago! A white, shining and shimmering, Sanremo Verona S 2gr. I finally can program the machine and be calm about it when I'm away. Before her we had an old, old manual Wega Atlas machine. Last months she
was not feeling well.
And I live a 10 minutes walk away from work anyway, so it's no big deal to go to work on a day off to get coffee.


>10 min walk away from cafe you work at
Sounds pretty comfy desu


aeropress is god tier – super easy for me because living alone sometimes you just want one cup of coffee without wasting a whole pot, plus it tastes amazing.


Everything I try just fizzles out before bearing fruit. I really need to try harder to change my life but it's rough.


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Just add plus one point to anything you've already been doing for the length of time you've been doing it. "Hmm, this project seems kinda dumb, but I've already worked on it, so I'll keep on it rather than switching to that other project I haven't started that only seems a little bit better"


I desire to live in a specific way, society is in the way.
I value my desires more than I do society.


Just stopping by to tell the coffee rolls here that we have a coffee thread >>>/kitchen/75 that needs some love.


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I can fix everything!


buff girls are very interesting


I have an internal loci of control, so yes: Even though culture does affect me, I am ultimately responsible for many of my successes and failures, and it's on me to take the onus for whatever happens that was within my control. That is the only path to personal growth and success.


Yes. I won't let you have my problems. They're mine and mine alone!


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I highly agree. For me it was mathematics which affected my career choices, in terms of higher education. Now I feel guilty for labeling myself as incapable (back then, instead of trying harder) because later I had to study some math for college and ended up enjoying it, ironically…

Another thing was being the peacekeeper of my family during "teenagehood". Very unfortunate circumstances but made me mature early and now I can socialize with, and coax, anyone I want even though I'm more on the introvert side.

In summary, poor circumstances nurtured certain skills and traits which I capitalized on once I became aware of them.

Life will never be perfect but I can safely say that I'm now better off than myself last year, family and childhood friends. And the reason for this was my envy of people dressed and behaving nicely, big houses and friends with good grades and whose parents bought them brand new cars when they got their licenses. The key was that I realized I can't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different, better results.

So yes, I think the individual is largely to blame for their own condition. The environment only partially shares the blame. We usually think of this from the bottom-up, but I've witnessed, first-hand, people not properly managing vast resources and subsequently degrading their life situation.


Whether or not you're the one to blame for your problems is immaterial compared to the fact that you're responsible for them, in the sense that nobody has a vested interest in fixing your problems but yourself so you best get on it instead of assigning blame. It's often not really your "fault" but that doesn't matter, does it? What're you doing to do, sue society?


I was born with autism and thats pretty much bringing me down


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Isn't it a matter of confidence?

If you are confident, then when there is a conflict between your mind and the world around you, you are brave enough to challenge society with the sword-tip of your personality. Political revolutionaries do this, as (I imagine) do artists who break totally new ground in their art forms.

If you lack confidence, then you internalise your problems. It's my fault that I don't conform. Why can't I just copy what successful people do? No wonder I feel bad.

In many cases, there might not be a clear answer whether your problems are your fault or not. The answer you come to will depend on your outlook.

Not saying that you can change your outlook at will, though - that's just a self-help fiction. But consider that you are only defined when there is a world around you which you can be defined in opposition to. There is no self which 'has problems' in isolation from a society, simply because there is no self without a surrounding society in the first place. (Even hermits grow up among other people.)


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I definitely don't believe in fate, or anything like that. We are definitely responsible for navigating our lives and making decisions we think will lead to good outcomes. I don't think this means that "anyone can become rich if they work hard!", that we are immune from our environment, or that people should live wondering if "had I done this differently, would my life be better?" It just means that, in the scope of the decisions we can make, a lot can change and happen within those bounds.

Some of us are disadvantaged. I definitely am. I'm about to become an adult, and the prospect of suddenly being dropped into a vast well of "hey you have to make all of these decisions now and they actually have tangible impact on your livelihood" is *absolutely* scary. But I don't want to be paralyzed by this! I just want to do my best. I agree with most of the sentiments in this thread. Everybody just has to do what we can, and hopefully that will lead all of us toward enjoying the good in life.


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This sushi has a point. There's a chain of causality for "problems" but you can't follow it to the origin. It's like throwing a handful of pebbles in a pool of water. Which single pebble caused the ripples?

But I'd like to add that the only control we have are our own subsystems, so it's best we focus on the things we can change there instead of trying to shift blame elsewhere.

This is the conclusion I've also come to like many of the sushis in this thread. For your own sake, it's not practical to give up responsibility for your problems even if you believe society is the root cause. At the end of the day you're going to have to solve your problems, so it's best you take responsibility for them regardless.

You could challenge society if you don't like the problems dealt to you like >>11350 said. But even then you would still need to take responsibility for yourself to make that difference.

So to finally answer the question. Yes, I am ultimately the one to blame for my own problems.


I'm not the one to blame for my problems, but I am the one who decided to take issue with them.


Oh I think I never posted my pov on this.
I think our haracter has a nature of it's own, and while we might be responsible for our own well-being, both mental and physical, I do think we cannot behave as our cultural heroes would tell us we should. I believe more in the taoist ideal of going with the flow rather than try to fit a mould to reach someone else's goal.


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we're both a result of the place we were put in the world, plus the actions we decide to take in life.
not an easy balance


Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.


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Ride the Lightning


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Sushigirl is the capitol of everything is your own fault and if you fail at life it's because you're not trying hard enough.


Well most of my problems come from a genetic disorder which isn't my fault, and I can't get it treated because rich assholes have decided that my life isn't worth their marginal profit loss. So no, I'd say it's not my fault.


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I don't have free will so I can do whatever I want.

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