I can't even talk about it. There's a huge hole in my heart, and it's not going away. I'm a shell of my former self.
Dated a girl once, then she cheated on me. Now I don't trust people enough for relationships, because I think that, if I date someone else again, they'll probably cheat on me too. It's emotionally devastating and I don't want to deal with that again.
When I meet someone attractive or someone who shows interest in me, I usually get too tense and self-conscious to act in a proper way. On top of that I know damn well how volatile romantic feelings can be, yet an intimate relationship should be something profound and honest imo. Most of the love I witnessed ended in anger and grief, no matter the time spent together.
Recently my mom broke up with her (second) husband, nonchalantly destroying our family and over two decades of shared lifetime. Fuck this shit, I'll stay single.
Crushing is a strange experience; full of both grief and joy, as you say. I crushed on my current gf for about three months or so before asking her out, and, weirdly, I look back on that time fondly. It is the most innocent part of the relationship - pure, unconsummated attraction. Most people, including me, need to relieve their sexual urges every once in a while. But sometimes I wish it weren't like that and having a gf would be about having a very good friend you can hug and write cute notes to. Anyway, hope things go well for you, OP.>>5392>Recently my mom broke up with her (second) husband, nonchalantly destroying our family and over two decades of shared lifetime.
I feel those feels, sushi, even though in my case it happened when I was quite young. All I can say is that I'm sorry you have to deal with it; but you'll be fine. We all will.
fell in love with a girl
first person in the world who "got" me
started online for a year and a half
fall utterly in love
we finally started meeting in person
was too shy to even hug
she'd sneak out late at night and we'd watch movies
brought her back one night and her parents found out
threatened to kill me
kept my distance for a couple years
she follows me to the same college
I am too shy to approach her
turns out she started seeing someone else.
try to rebound with a different girl
can't unlove the first
try to reconnect with her
but she keeps her distance and is seeing someone else
seems like she is picking on me
seems like she is making fun of me
lowest point in my life
tell her she sucks at art
she bans me from her life
mfw I am stuck in love with a person who wants nothing to do with me
some days i want to move on and i cant
some days i can move on but don't want to
most days i am numb to everything
everything sucks except music
i wish everything would go back to how it was
i just want to be with her and watch movies again
don't fall in love, kids.
There's a girl at work… But of course as always she would never notice me. She's really fucking pretty and also very hot. I was speaking to a workmate the other day and he said "you too would make a nice couple, she looks like the smart kind, I can see you falling for her" and that only made matters worse of course.
She's nice though, there are some girls who wouldn't even bother to look in my general direction, this one I talk to (trying to find a work-related excuse to do so everytime) and she's… nice. Though perhaps she has to be nice because it's part of her job -she's supposed to help me if I ask…
Anyway she's walking around and really hot and also cute and it gets to me, I can't help but look at her whenever I can but as many of you may very well know there's this feeling of unease growing in me, perhaps due to the fact that my infatuation is growing and the odds are she barely even notices my existence let alone actually have any interest for me.
Oh well such is lyf.
Ask her out. Better to know than not know, it'll be a relief either way.
talk to her! it doesn't have to be asking her out, just try and get to know her, her hobbies, the music she likes, things like that. speaking as an irl (sushi)girl i can't count the number of times i lost interest in someone and moved on (or, conversely, someone lost interest in me) because we just never talked.
it's scary, but rejection is better than not talking at all and endlessly wondering "what if". best of luck!
I've had feelings for multiple girls in the past, but they either turned out to be shitty people or taken. At this point though, I don't think I will ever be fit to have a relationship. I've struggled with sensory overload and meltdowns from asperger's syndrome, as well as anxiety and depression. There's a whole backstory behind all of this that I don't think any normal person would understand, let alone a romantic partner. Even if she was willing to listen, it would all be a huge burden to her.
I've felt love only once in my life and it was over the internet (during the ICQ times).
Since then I've had at least 3 girls had a crush on me.
Only one of them had made a move, the other two were always just wiggling about the topic and sometimes throwing in "random" closer-than-personal kind of questions.
Since I didn't feel anything towards any of them, mostly because I just can't feel love at all, I refused them all going with the narrative that I don't want responsibilities and then the pain of an inevitable breakup after they're done with the person I am.
I've long accepted the solitude life. I definitely won't be having an offspring. And I also won't be falling in love anymore. Since it's out of my control, if I accidentally do, I'll try my best to suppress that feeling from start.
I have fallen in love only once. And even then, i'am not sure if i can differentiate that feeling from deep friendship in conjunction with sexual attraction. It's just more painful than good friendship and that's all.
That girl was a friend of mine, when i fall for her. Unfortunately, she is into woman. Well, my feelings mostly passed after a year. She is still one of my closest friends.
call me what you like but I'll just say this because fuck it it's sushi rollymous
never really had any interest in love, was a foreign concept to me, until I met some lad over discord about nov. last year and well I guess he's got charm or something because I've basically turned into some clingy autist who's always fascinated by everything he says and always waiting for him to respond to me and put simply I do in fact love him
doesn't really reciprocate it, he just acts kind of cool and uninterested in it all, but I have asked him, and he does say that he isn't as disinterested and contemptuous as he lets on
don't have questions for the rest of you or anything but that's about it desu
feelings have to be mutual
if you like them and they don't like you back, it's disheartening for you, and probably awkward or straining on the other person
I read your reply and realized how right you are so I talked to her, well I'd done it before but with work-related issues. This time I gave her a chocolate and asked her for her name and now I can just approach her and talk to her as a friend would, as I do to my buddies at work so…. thanks I guess.
Not that I can really know if I have a chance with her but that I'll only know with time I guess, and if she decides it's actually worth interacting with me more than strictly necessary heh.
Anyway I'm happy about this!
It would be the right thing to do, if you gave it time and were sure it wasn't just a temporary thing. It would probably be best to talk to them about it and see if there's something in the relationship that needs to change also. But if one person doesn't have feelings for the other at all and they're just playing the role for whatever reason, even an altruistic one, it'll only build up resentment for them and be an awful shock/betrayal for their partner when it comes out.
You may or may not be depressed, I don't think thinking about this means you necessarily are.
If you're female, unfortunately his distant nonchalance is probably only attracting you further. Might be why you fell in love. Pitty.
Don't think that makes much sense
I'd rather be single than in a relationship I don't care about.>>5531
That's not how it works.
I had a few crushes in middle school, 20 years ago. Nothing since then.
I'm not a woman, but you're not the first person to think I am
what is love?
baby don't hurt me
don't hurt me…no more
Oh, I don't know, what can I do?
No. I don't believe love is sustainable emotion for the long time.
That's great to hear sushi roll.
(making a note - poetry clubs??)
>poetry club romance
yeah this is a really cute post
Nothing at all. I've never been in love, not even a crush. Closest to it is being horny for some buff guys at the gym but that doesn't really count.
I've always been the weird guy and not very good looking, so i doubt anyone ever had interest in me.
One girl (who isn't my mom!) said i was cute once tho.
One part of me intesely yearns to know what it's like having romantic feelings, being so deeply attracted to someone must be very powerful and joyful.
However, based on what i've heard my whole life, love is as much a blessing as it's a curse, and more often than not, leaning strongly to the latter.
This emotion would likely bring me more pain than anything else, so, at least for now, i think i'm better off not falling for anybody.
In fact, i shouldn't even be considering it when i'm currently uncapable of forming real friendships.
My priority is to stop being so hopelessly incompetent when it comes to interacting and connecting to other people.
I cheated on a girl once. I dunno if I was in love with her, but at the time I felt like the relationship wasn't going to last (but maybe that's just me trying to rationalise my sins). For some reason I just felt that she didn't 'get me', that she didn't really know my inner self.
I've never been able to forgive myself for doing it. I basically ruined her life. She lost most of her friends, dropped out of school, and now she's on antidepressants. On top of that, it also spoiled my relationship with most of the friends we had in common too.
I'm always thinking about what would have happened if I'd never dated her in the first place. It was hormones and lust that attracted me to her, and the same things made me cheat on her. If only I'd had more self control, I wouldn't feel this guilt.
But even writing this, I feel like it's just something for me to feel sorry for myself about. No matter how guilty I feel, it won't make her feel better. I don't deserve to feel guilty.
>>6298>The extent of my commitment means that I have a responsibility for my current situation which I can't escape from. >Am I in love now? I certainly have love for this person, and would hate to see them in pain.
I feel you man. My story is different in that I was head over heels for a girl in my university, and she was head over heels for me. We've been in a relationship for a little over one and a half years now. In that time, my feelings have mellowed considerably.
I want to be her friend. I still want to go on long walks by the river with her. I still want to share bad jokes with her. But I don't want to deal with her emotional crises. These aren't very major but still make me feel hopeless whenever they occur. For example, she will get into a mood and, on the edge of tears, accuse me timidly of not loving her. The more she does this, the less I am able to love her, and the more I want to be free from the expectations she has of someone who is 'in love'. If I were merely a friend, we could have all the same valuable moments without the anxiety of losing our love for each other. (Sexual stuff aside, of course, but that has little value now that it's no longer new and exciting.)
To come back to your post, sushi, I ask myself the same question of whether I am in love, and I am utterly unable to answer it. How would I even know?
I don't really get mine. I'm not sure if I've ever felt love, but I did date someone once.
It lasted for a little over a year, long distance though. Looking back it was pretty obvious the guy didn't really give a shit about me since I was just easy and filled his fetishes but I didn't really care since least someone pretended to give a shit about me. It ended when friends made me snap, he was trying to get me to abandon my entire life and future to live in a van with him and kept trying to walk away from the subject whenever it came up that I didn't want to. I ended having to just explain myself in a message and cutting contact entirely, he never tried to contact me again but one of the friends hit on me while I was still a wreck.
Only person I ever had even the slightest crush on was a girl in high school, she was literally the amazon type (Tall, well built, etc) but also a total weeb. And even then it was more a 'I wish I could talk to her so we can hang out' than anything else.
Since then I don't think I've felt whatever I thought love was at that time. Or maybe I just can't feel it but regardless I think I'm fine alone. Helps that almost every relationship around me is just… Bad. Utilitarian, a cousin fucking a dude for money, one had a fake wedding with a drunkard to get his family's money (She also got knocked up, twins to add to her now 5 kids. She's already with a new guy), and to just not live alone.
Im currently seeing a girl that lives a few apartments down from me. She goes to the same university as me, and so far its going very fell. Its been a while since i've felt this way for a girl so its really nice. In a couple weeks I think im going to ask if she wants to be a couple, and then move on from there.
Dramatic, heart-pounding love can be more helpfully defined as a separate thing called "limerence".
The term first appears in the book "Love and Limerence" by Dorothy Tennov. In it she also talks about a few non-limerent people who just don't understand what everyone else is raving about. The difference is pretty much as >>6298
describes it, but there's more detail of course.
It was published in 1979, so >>5386
can rest easy about being tumblrsexual.
I was always a hopeless romantic.
I had three crushes, none worked, all taught me something I wish I hadn't known.
I grew up with only two friends, we were the ones misunderstood by all the other but understood by ourselves. One of them confessed to me. I liked her, but I realized, that I was too young to really love someone. So I said give me two years and I will be mature enough. I would actually love her two years later, but in that time depression and suicidal thought plagued the three of us. my other friend became a drug addict, distance followed. I only had her left. I woke up every morning hating my self wanting to kill myself only to go to school and try to stop her from hurting herself. I remember how strangely proud she was when she found a place to cut herself where her mother wouldn't see it. I loved her, but she was over me. I became nearly schizophrenic, i couldnt help her any longer, even though I loved her I went away. a year later, my health had gotten at least a little bit better, I wanted to meet her. but she died. everybody thought it was an accident, but I didn't, it was exactly the manner of death she wrote to me in a letter, two years ago. it has been 4 years since then. Sometimes I still remember how we baked cookies together, with her then still innocent smile. how we talked as little children what kind of dogs we would have together when growing up. how she stuttered trying to confess me, only to turn around with a red face stressfully searching for a letter. looking at me with those deer eyes when I opened them. I am kinda over now. but since then I believe that it is better not to depend upon people, I don't want to hurt anybody nor do I want to be hurt. I also learned that I will never again betray a friend, I see me leaving only because of my mental health as a betrayal.
even though my life has become more normal, from time to time it still returns, it has damaged my capability to interact with women pretty strongly, combined with the fact that I see sex in no good light, and I am lost in this modern dating world.
>>6300>If I were merely a friend, we could have all the same valuable moments without the anxiety of losing our love for each other. (Sexual stuff aside, of course, but that has little value now that it's no longer new and exciting.)
I know what you mean, but I've also heard people say that hetero men and women can't have normal friendships. Not sure if it is the same with other relationships. In my own experience, there were too many difficult feelings of jealousy and betrayal when trying to remain friendly with my ex, and I was also a bit paranoid that they were getting too intimate with other people. Not that I would have had any right to complain, but it was a difficult situation to find oneself in.
If they say that, what they mean is "I can only imagine interacting with a man/woman in terms of sex". Because what else is the fundamental difference between a friendship and romance? Sure, often friendships are more casual/distant, but not always. Maybe that's true for them, but that's no ground to assume for everybody. It being that way for an ex seems different to me though, since you have history and associations with them.
I never felt romantic love in my entire life. nobody ever fell in love with me and I never feel in love with anyone. I'm almost 27.
what is wrong with me? I'm not unhappy at all but I feel like I'm missing something that everyone else has. do you guys think I should have this checked out?
Currently crushing a little on a cute coworker of mine. He's cute, wears cool stuff, and I like how formal and courteous he's been until recently. The only problem is that I'm pretty sure he's too young, even for me. Currently working on stopping this minimal crush.
That's as far as I've ever really went, besides being too dumb to get the hints from this one girl in middle school (probably wouldn't have meshed with her that well, though). I am not willing to go any further. As creepy as it is, crushing on people is pretty fun. Otherwise, I like to be as asocial as possible, as long as it doesn't come off rude. I don't get along with people because autism.
When it comes to love, I am absolutely horrified. There is not a single person in my family without an absolutely broken relationship, besides my great grandparents who never seemed that into each other. I like that I am keeping this broken pattern in a new way. I doubt my siblings will have better luck, though. We just don't seem to be healthy people.
People are exhausting. I've moved three times in my childhood and twice as an adult. People who have never traveled are simple and inexperienced.>>5528
After that initial lust, I think you end up finding someone who you can tolerate.
Love is a compromise.
I never had any childhood romance and I cant find anyone with mutual interests. I wanna give up but I don't wanna be alone. I was told women smell desperation so is there even any point in talking to women if it wont work out anyway?
Absolutely worth talking to women. It might appear that most (people) are flat NPCs (and hell maybe there's some truth to that) but you really really never know what could happen. Don't ever give up.
this guy is right because once you give up thats it. you can not un-give up. I know because it happened to me.
Uncomfy times ahead
I feel like I should, but every time I try I mess things up for myself. I did infact have one relationship but I feel like it messed me up bad. It set me on a path of doing nothing but chasing after girls, desperately trying to get a gf to wash away what happened and make myself feel like this is something I can succeed in. But every time I tried getting close to a girl irl or online I just made the situation worse and embarrassed myself. I don't feel comfortable with romance or intimacy anymore, even seeing it in anime makes me uncomfortable. At some point I started talking to girls on /soc/ but the only thing I gained from that is that I shouldn't talk to girls on the internet. Now I'm just sitting here with awkward feelings, that even if I meet someone I have feelings for, will it work out?
>>6551>will it work out?
This and more, you will find out in the next episode of sushigirl in us. Stay tuned for more action packed internal conflicts, self-doubt and questioning it all due to past events and their impact on the current situation!sorry, I couldn't resist
Speaking for myself, I accustomed to being alone most of the time. Maybe I'm supressing something, but there are just so many important things to worry about, that being unloved and having no significant other is merely a short side stich on the inevitably shortening run of life.
I rarely want to connect with women, opting to treat their feelings as a curiosity instead. It's unfortunate because I can typically empathize with my male friends, but I feel some kind of sexual tension, repressed trauma, or some other blocker when trying to empathize with women.
This probably means that most of my relationships will be shallow since the primary component of a relationship is seeing the other person as part of you, a kind of two-person collective.
Even so, my prior experiences tell me that spending a bunch of time trying to force my mind to accept truths that the other person accepts is agonizing. That only leaves me with the option of logically processing their sets of quirks and their current emotions so that I can sort of their intentions.
In the end, it all becomes very tiresome, so I try not to think about love or women.
Am currently in a very good relationship with a very nice woman, everything is going very smoothly.
In my (rather limited) experience, love is more of a deep bond with the other person rather than a passionate crush. As you both begin to understand the others personalities on a more complex level the bond becomes a lot more multi-faceted compared to the basic attraction to sexual and surface personality features.
I crushed once I think, but she was taken so never bothered to attempt anything. I later learned she cheated on her bf but still ended marrying him so all that was left was the wonder of how I misjudged her.
Nothing else so far, feel if I try something now it would be for the selfish purpose of getting rid of my loneliness, which would be unfair. First I will sort out my shit and then I will try to discover what love is supposed to be
No courage needed - they’re human and just as fucked up and clueless as everyone else
As for the opportunity: I went to all boys schools all my life, until now in college. Everything is socially segregated in my country (middle east), every interaction between the opposite sexes is deemed suspicious. Having a conversation with a girl is rare (even if it was work related). It is no surprise that most marriages here are traditional.
As for the courage: I'm socially awkward. I can't appropriately carry on a conversation nevertheless start one. (Especially with girls). Never had the opportunity to casually talk to a girl since forever. Even starting one seems risky.
Ah, got it. I made some assumptions there - what you said does complicate things.
To the second point though…I don't know. What has worked for me with interactions is I tell myself that, in reality, most people are awkward. Some are certainly better than others at putting up a facade of confidence but I truly think most are scared to some degree. And also asking questions because it takes the burden off of you to provide conversation content :)
>>6638> I tell myself that, in reality, most people are awkward. Some are certainly better than others at putting up a facade of confidence but I truly think most are scared to some degree
And this is exactly why I think a lot of bitter chan people are totally lost and untangled in their made-up social hierarchy of normies, chad, beta, etc. It's like a strange alternate reality growing stronger every year, but never taking into account truths blatant for anyone being around other humans: Most people are ridden with doubts, fears, suffered traumas, are fundamentally shy, but some are just better at hiding or living with this
Come on on, this is true to an extent, but social hierarchies are real.
Same, I hope I'll be able to be more productive this year. Love life is a mess though, I've come to terms that I'll always love my ex but it's still hard on me.
>>6718>I've come to terms that I'll always love my ex but it's still hard on me.
Aw man, that shit sucks man. I hope you'll be able to forget and move on to happier things.
god, i've dated somebody (for like, 2-3 months) who left me for another person (who is um, an exact copy of me in terms of appearance and personality) and it messed me up. it's been 4 months already but i am still thinking about that person and feeling ill always love them. no one else is interesting to me, i blow everyone off (mess them up the same way) but also want a relationship all the time. i think its kind of like drugs, if you tried it once you start desperately wanting to get some more
I don't hate you. I forgive you. I miss you very much.
Don't think I ever was.
But then again, how would I even know.
I don't think he was ever into imageboards so I doubt it's you but on the off-chance it is-I wish our friendship was more conventional. I actually do love you a lot, more than anyone (I hate being mushy but it's the truth bleugh). I can't stand pretending to hate you because my friends didn't like your friends. Eventually, the pressure built to a point where I couldn't stand how much harder everything is now compared to when we were teens. I need to learn how to stop being a complete social retard because it's harder to be happy when I keep forcing myself to be alone.
I wish for your happiness more than anything in the whole wide world. Take care of yourself. I'll see you when I'll see you.
It's okay. Life is way harder than I thought it would be, too.
I still believe in love because of you. Love is real.
But when you closed off all communication it crushed me. I was devastated. I was in a very gross place the last time we talked and I feel like it's all my fault. If only I said something different I wouldn't have scared you away. If only I listened. I'm sorry.
I miss you so much.
I wish I knew what I was supposed to do to bring you back.
My happiness is only a stupid mask that I have to wear to make it through a work day. At all moments I just want to be beside you instead, doing or talking about anything. You loved me when I didn't love myself and it gives me strength every day. Thank you for this. I would like to return the favor now that I've found an inner strength of my own finally.
I patiently wait to hear your voice again. I have so much I want to share with you and there's so much more I want to learn from you.
You don't have to be afraid anymore.
This is very odd but yeah you did say something really weird in front of everyone and my friends were pissed off at you, like, majorly pissed. At least it's in the past now and I don't hold it against you. I just couldn't say that in front of them. Anyway, forgot all that–Please get to me on my Discord: import_nltk#5963 I really miss talking to you all the time like we used too.
I've been in mutual love for 7+ years now. It's also me and my partner's first love and relationship. We married in our 4th year of knowing each other. Confident we're gonna spend our whole life together.
Also crushes are blind idealizations of people you don't really know well.
My experience is that it's a dumb distraction.
I feel infatuated with this model I've been studying in my class. I just spoke to him today and spent some time chatting while intimately drawing him. He kept looking into my eyes and it felt like that Nathan for You where he kept saying "again" and the girl kept saying "I love you" except no cringe and no saying he loved me. Just that kind and gentle expression, making me so flushed. I have a boyfriend… I legit feel poly as fuck but I know I'm not. Such conflict. I will probably just lose the infatuation in time.
that's not love. does your boyfriend know about your tendencies? you better be open with it or you're gonna hurt him in the future.
It's not love in the slightest. My boyfriend knows that I met him and I don't intend to hurt him. People can't help infatuations, but they can control their actions. If I find my infatuation has grown I'll certainly distance myself.
it's kind of awkward. being a lesbo in a country that views either they're hell-spawns or porn material doesn't help either. liked a girl, actually danced with her in prom (as a joke), but I'll never be able to properly love a girl without getting jailed thus I decided I would not love anyone romantically ever since.
if everyone forces me to love a man, might as well not love anyone.
I'm honestly in a really complex situation. I… think, I love someone online, but I can't quite tell if they're a girl, boy or a tranny. And, I'm really only into girls. Hell, to be honest, I don't really even know them too well since we're just together with a common interest, but they're just so nice and we get along well.
And, I'm sure this person does see me as a good friend back, and in all honesty I don't mind that one bit, considering how it's fucking stupid to give info to each-other, but god, if I could take the opportunity to advance just to see who they are I'd take it. If they end up revealing themselves a man or whatever, then we can just be good pals as we always are. They seem to really love just being around me, and they're someone I can actually help whenever they're not too busy with whatever they're doing, hell I like to think I've helped encourage them to get deeper into drawing, though I can't exactly confirm that.
I doubt they'd come to read this imageboard/thread in specific, though I'm sure if they saw this post they'd probably know who was referring to them. Maybe. So to foolproof this in case they do, I just wanna say you don't need to worry about me dumping you as a pal.
God, I feel so pathetic even typing this out.
Don't worry is nothing shameful or bad.
Just try to trade some pictures or be honest and expose your doubts, if they have used imageboards for more than 10 minutes they are going to understand where you're coming from
I'm in trouble big time.
I started dating a girl that I met on an app that lives in Japan. It feels nice, we video call all the time, but it scares me how much feeling loved comforts me, because I know if anything happens like it did in High School, I'll be an absolute mess again. I really love her though. I plan to visit at the end of this year, already saved up money for a plane ticket and some living expenses, but trying to save up more so I can spend comfortably while I'm there. I guess this is a good and bad situation.
I feel that too sushi. I'm a romanticist at heart and would prefer I wouldn't have to go on Life's journey alone, but I'll be fine either way it turns out.
I do hear a lot about infatuations, but I never experienced it when I'm already in mutual love with one person, but I guess it's just my brain.
It might make sense to you that our relationship has ended. We certainly had some problems, yet my heart is still very broken. Depression sucks.
There's someone that I know online that I really want to get to know, but I don't know how to get the ball rolling. I really want to talk to her, but our "conversations" barely last a few lines of dialogue before she checks out. It's not like I want to hold her captive in talking to me, but it makes me sad. Maybe it's because we're both introverts? Either one of us would regularly message the other with a "good morning," but neither one of us seems capable of being the first person to ever speak. I tried joking about something a while ago to get a conversation going to no such luck. We've gone weeks or months between messaging one another before, but I really want to talk to her and I don't know what to say to get her attention or make her feel comfortable enough to start having longer conversations.
What's worse is that she checks all my boxes. Jeez. I'm really at my wit's end.
You should have in mind some people simply just don't chat that much. I have a really old and good friend, we get along super good when we meet, but he's always a cold fish over text. It's nothing personal, it's just how he is, text interactions aren't his deal. Just a medium to make plans or exchange information.
Also point 2, deciding she checks all your boxes even though you've only had "conversations" sounds like you just think she's cute and you decided she's a person you'd be compatible with even though you don't know her history or personality. Pull back a little, both for your emotional health and cause if/when you do have that real convo you might be too forward on pushy too early. She's just pretty, that's all. Maybe you have some shared taste in media or something as well, but that doesn't really say anything about your chemistry.
Thanks for replying, sushi. I'll think more deeply about this. I also didn't really mean checking all my boxes in terms of appearance – that's a part of it, sure, but we're both very similar in terms of interests and such, which I frankly care more about – but I do understand your point. We've been talking for a little while and I do know a lot about her background and interests, I just wish she wasn't so distant was moreso my point. She's said before she doesn't really like one-on-one conversations and prefers chatrooms and stuff, so that might be part of it too. I almost definitely sound more invested than I am, but I'm really not of the temperament to be blunt about my thoughts or to ask about this sort of stuff which is why I posted this here. It's more just a collection of thoughts I've had since knowing her than feelings I've come to all at once over the course of a week or something.
… I'm hopeless, aren't I?
We're all hopeless until we find the glimmers, and then chances are then we're back to being hopeless again sooner or later. Just enjoy the ride.
I get your drift. Maybe you don't meet that many people? It's easy to get fixated on somebody then, even though you're not really compatible. Which it seems you aren't, you having known eachother a while and you wishing she'd be more game to add her share to the fire.
People don't tend to change that much, I wouldn't be betting on her realizing the comfy social intimacy she's missing out on.
I dunno, I guess, try to meet some new people? Someone who actually gives back. Once you find somebody like that it seems weird looking back, trying so hard to make it work with cold people.
I talked myself out of caring about love or relationships for a very long time because I was afraid and not confident. Now I am realizing that it was a mistake and as I get older I wish more and more that I had some kind of love experience. The times I have tried in the past year haven't gone so well and I can't say I've ever really truly fallen for someone. What I'd like more than anything else is for someone to fall for me but I can't see that happening.
I am in a bit of an odd position, but it makes sense to us. My ex broke up with me, but afterward we've remained drawn to eachother. We still feel like soul mates, we're each other's best friends, yet we know it'd be wrong to be together for a while. We need to grow a lot as people before that can happen. In the meantime, we still express our love to eachother. I constantly tell him not to let me hold him back… idk. Is this sustainable? Maybe, maybe not. But I want to be single for at least a year.
you are not alone, roll.
>>7086>We need to grow a lot as people before that can happen.
This is a cop-out. You should grow together. In fact, that's the whole point of a relationship. If you can only get along when things are perfect but you can't work through things together that's a weak-ass relationship. At the same time, if he broke up with you, there's nothing that can be done about that.
There's no point in "expressing your love for each other" if you're not working through your problems together. It is a sham. Show love through actions and not pointless words/gestures with no follow through.
You're right. I tried mentioning the idea that you can be flawed yet committed to growth in a relationship and it changed nothing. It hurts so much. It's true that he had his depression problems and we had our disagreements but it's nothing unfixable. After we got in touch again he said we can be together when we're better and more mature, but he doesn't know when that would be. I fully admit I need a lot of personal growth but it hurts that I'm not enough as I am. I clung to the hope of a future, and we sexted a lot.
We indulged fantasies of being married and openly confessed our love daily. He would tell me I'm his only "mate" and that comforted me at first but now it feels terrible, so what that I'm the only person he'd want to have sex with. I want his girlfriend. We still think of each other as soulmates… But every time anything sexual happens lately I literally just start crying because I know I'm not good enough to be his. It just feels so wrong to go through with this stuff when he's not actually mine and I'm not actually his.
It's so embarrassing that I let him tell me sweet things that will likely never come true, so I told him I won't be doing it anymore yet he doesn't fully believe it. We keep flirting. My heart is breaking more and more and I am afraid there will be nothing left. Someone please knock sense into me.
At least tell him so he doesn't go crazy wondering.
Tell him the truth.
He not going to just automatically know you want to try out being single for a year. A man can't guess something like that. You have to tell him.
I like flirting much more than love. Sad that often the best flirters are looking for something - one girl stopped talking to me because I didn't want sex I just wanted wordplay, but to be fair I can entirely see where she's coming from.
But at the moment there's this super cute girl and we're doing long flirty conversations, but we were good friends and did lighthearted flirting then too so I don't know whether there's something in the increase other than quarantine desperation.
Why do I need someone so much?
I've had a fair share of experience in my life already. I know full well that not having a partner isn't a bad thing, as it gives a person a lot of time to do whatever they want, develop their hobbies, pursue a career… and ultimately, the partner of one's dreams should just appear, attracted by the value they've seen in a person.
At the same time, I want to have someone right now. I've haven't experienced much love, don't have much of a family. I'm deprived of human touch and warmth, completely unmotivated, almost friendless, horribly depressed. I know I already have a lot of offer - I don't look half bad, got hobbies, can cook, earn well, have been told I'm witty and able to make a girl laugh. But… there's noone there for me. I feel like nowadays it's impossible for me to meet anyone who'd turn out to be my soulmate and a reason to go on. If I met someone like this, I'd flip back to my usual genki state.
I'm not going to just date anyone for the sake of dating. It's better to invest in yourself than to go through unnecessary drama later on. That being said… I just sit idly and wither away. Corona makes it a lot worse, as I fully know couples have it a lot easier now, unless they discover they actually hate each other.
Sorry for the sad post, sushi. Just needed to get that out somewhere… I'd normally pretend everything was OK, but today I'm just melting.
He broke up with me. I openly told him my goal to be single for a year, but then he gave me the hope of a relationship and I got lost.
I get it. I don't deal with being alone well at all, either.
Corona has killed all chance of meeting anyone for the next 6 months at least.
Most people on imageboards are lonely, but have accepted their hermitdom, or even embraced it. Or just don't need that much contact. All of these are fine.
I just feel like I'm some normie and I get even more depressed.
It's now when the "go outside" advice doesn't work anymore that people may find out there's something wrong about making relationships nowadays.
(assuming you're the same person)
I can relate. I feel like I'd be a good partner but its just never happened.
It isn't a normie thing at all to want to with someone. I feel like a lot of people, on image boards and in general, are lonely, having little romantic experience or friends. The saddest thing is that there are a lot of lonely people that would be good matches but they don't know how to reach each other. Normie people go to bars or use dating apps while 'loser' people (using the term endearingly, I fall in this group) tend to be shut ins. We're like people stranded on islands, we know people are out their but don't know how to meet each other.
Yup, it was the same person all right.
"What if the person I'm replying to a lot over here is a potential partner, who has lost a hope for a relationship?", is a thing that sometimes gets into my mind.
At times, even if the technology makes it possible (e.g. you found some person you'd connect with), odds are they have trust issues as well and be hard to approach.
I agree with you. The only way for people like us to connect is to get to some place where you can operate under a pseudonym that wouldn't be full of normies.
Unfortunately, even the scarce social boards on imageboards don't work well.
People like us won't use dating apps just because they skip the phase of friendship. I think most imageboard users want to have a good friendship first, then make it something more if both sides are fine with it. This is quite different from going to dates.
Ah, it's all so wrong…
I relate with both of you. I'm very isolated and I'd love to fall in love with someone but it has to be a person I can trust, not just some girl I picked up on an app. No idea how to find one though, I've met a few women in a small online community I connect with and we all get on really well but every single one of them has a partner already.
Not having a girlfriend isn't killing me or anything, I've been alone for my whole life so I'm used to it, but sometimes I just want a hug you know?
Just that one person to be vulnerable with.
A man's a man. Any vulnerability shown is perceived as a weakness. That's why it's important to have this one person you can fully open yourself to…
>I've met a few women in a small online community I connect with and we all get on really well but every single one of them has a partner already.
Same here, even if I do meet some they're already taken.
> I've been alone for my whole life so I'm used to it, but sometimes I just want a hug you know?
That makes at least three of us, then.
>and finding someone on the same wavelength of weirdness as me feels impossible
Same feelings here… "Wavelength" is the word I use very often, too.
Just someone who'd accept your gushing about the thing you've recently found interesting, things like that.
Where have you been looking? It'd be very nice if sushi had a social zone, but I know they don't usually work out in the end.
Not that I expect anyone here to live anywhere remotely near me, too…
In any case, let's keep at it, holding on and hoping for miracles.
>>7368>Just someone who'd accept your gushing about the thing you've recently found interesting, things like that.
Exactly!>Where have you been looking?
Dating apps sadly, because I have no other way to actually meet people. I'm NEET right now, and my limited friend circle contains no women, just people with partners who I get embarrassingly jealous of. I feel like a bad person for judging so many people on such a shallow level, but it's what these apps encourage and it makes me kinda bitter and frustrated to have it laid out in front of me how little I relate to and get along with "normal" people. But I try not to let it get to me, I don't want to become the sort of person who "hates the normalfags" or whatever.> It'd be very nice if sushi had a social zone, but I know they don't usually work out in the end.
It's a nice idea, but you know what they say about there being no girls on the internet. I'm as in love with the idea of meeting my ideal fellow internet-weirdo partner online as anybody, but I don't think reality works like that for most people.>In any case, let's keep at it, holding on and hoping for miracles.
For sure. I haven't given up yet and I hope nobody else does either. Hang in there and all that.
Hm, found a decent image for the situation…>>7369
>and my limited friend circle contains no women, just people with partners who I get embarrassingly jealous of.
I know this one so much… My limited circle of friends stopped expanding, even though I'm not a NEET anymore. All the girls inside, if there are any, are already taken. Besides, it's not like I'd get with any of them anyways.
And yes, when you know your friend has a partner, who makes surviving the pandemic at least a little more manageable, you can get jealous. It happens to me a lot.
I try my best not to judge my friends (and even usually manage to, because I hold my friends in high regard), but seeing irresponsible, selfish couples without face masks on the streets makes me quite jaded.
Unfortunately, from what I've heard they drag people down even more, as getting no matches can be quite disheartening. Please, don't get it let you down. I'm sure you're a valuable person. It's the average kind of people that can't see the value in us here, and the badly designed dating apps that cash in on people's misfortune don't make things any better.
>there being no girls on the internet
I just wonder why they don't visit places like this one.
Well, they do, I've known at least several of them. But they usually only lurk… especially the worthwhile ones.
Honestly i've pretty much given up on 'dating' with apps or online and am focusing on finding friendship first for now like >>7328
said… both first in that i can't really imagine having/don't know how to approach a partner i didn't know and trust/didn't know me, and in that it's just more of a priority to me. I can live without love, not without friends and comrades. Of course both would be nice… I really feel what >>7363
said about age and wavelength, whether it's romantic or any other social situation
For me though, i'm not good at connecting to people online/through text… it's shared work or projects that I've really bonded with people over so far. I met one good friend through political work who really changed my experience of life. But actually going out and doing things is also in the field of things I need to get my shit together in>>7332>A man's a man. Any vulnerability shown is perceived as a weakness. That's why it's important to have this one person you can fully open yourself to…
I hope this was talking more about what other people might think? (if so, true but those people can fuck off). But while some people do look down on men who show feelings/vulnerabilities, it's still important to be able to do it… a person
is always weak in that sense even if they hide it, it's only people
together who can do better. And expecting a partner to do all the emotional support destroys relationships - men should be able to have intimacy with people they can trust outside of that, like anyone else can. Anyone who looks down on you for that, that's something we need to change culturally, and obviously it's only one problem. But if that's how you think yourself, i really think that it'll make things harder for you and people you care about
It's weird for me, because I do have some good friends, even though I'm not always around them. So I shouldn't even care about not having anyone even closer to me, but well, I do.
Political work? That's quite unexpected.
>A man's a man. Any vulnerability shown is perceived as a weakness. That's why it's important to have this one person you can fully open yourself to…>>I hope this was talking more about what other people might think?
Yes, it's the toxic way the society works. I've been, like many people, told not to show any shreds of weakness, because people will just use it. "Boys don't cry", stuff like that. The tears just don't flow now. I don't even tell people I'm not OK and keep up the mask like nothing's happened. It's draining.
A partner should _never_ be the emotional sponge for a person's problem, just support if anything.
That's why some people should have fix themselves before even trying to date.
A common theme of the past few comments in this thread is that it's difficult for us to actually meet people. A lot of us are shut ins / socially awkward and haven't had much luck with dating apps, not even taking into account the quarantine. The same is true for the kind of people we would be most compatible with. I can't think of a way around this, almost feels like we're destined to be alone, man of tastely aware of people 'out there' but never actually meeting them. Maybe something like discord servers or sites like this are good meeting grounds but I'm not sure. Either way, we have to put ourselves out there, if not to find someone, to at least signal to one another that we're present.
Loneliness in general has been a growing problem over the past few decades. This podcast episode is a good discussion on the topic for those interested.https://ashesashes.org/blog/episode-62-separate-ways
>>7384>man of tastely aware
meant to say merely aware, have no clue how I mistyped that.
It's a malformed wordfilter, it doesn't take into account if it's part of another word
Nice site/podcast, I didn't know someone lead a detailed analysis of the matter, even with sources and not much clutter.
Discord makes it hard to discover new servers. There might be Sushichan servers, but I'll never find out about them. I'm sure I'm not the only one with that problem…
Makes sense, people have a lot of social/physical needs and even good friendships probably don't meet all of them.
It's not necessarily what people think of, and it's partially luck that i happened to meet the rare person i could get on with really well, but having concrete work together definitely helps me get through not really knowing how to do the little surface level interactions, and i think there's a lot of value in belonging to something meaningful together as well (whatever it is, for some people it's as small scale as their relationship)
I'm sorry to hear it… it's really bad that people are like that. It really is exhausting to have to suppress emotions like that, and i don't know how many people have hurt themselves or others because of it. It's one reason I'm really glad places like this still exist>>7384
Speaking of, definitely true. Thanks for the link, i'm always looking out for neat podcasts
Got dumped not too long ago, still recovering but progress is clear
I don't have to keep up appearances here. The board's aim to be comfy, but it also leaves some space to be nostalgic, or even depressed. It's great.
Sometimes it's hard to vent even to friends, especially when you have they go through bad things as well. I'm free of judgement here, I don't have to pretend. I'm glad this place exists.>>7418
We're in the same boat. Sucks during the pandemic. Good luck to you, let's get out of that rut.
Yeah man it's specially hard to cope when you're not able to leave your house and distract yourself
Movies and such surely help, but still, awful timing
Maybe it's good, though, like, maybe this is the best way to get over it because you don't run away from the bad feelings, you can't, you gotta embrace them and understand why they're there, and that might be the best way to heal
Woops, meant to reply to >>7420
I'm already over myself, it's just loneliness getting to me.
I should sink in some long video game or anime series, but I somehow don't feel like it. I'm trying to make friends here and there instead…
I'm a 27 year old virgin that hasn't had a real life crush in almost a decade.
I'm the same age but I alternate between accepting my fate and getting naive hopes about people I meet. So far the latter attitude hasn't really brought me much aside from stress but I don't want to give up.
Did you expect it, or was it sudden? It sucks either way.
The symptoms are normal. Cry all you want, you'll probably need it.
Hang in there.
It might actually be better to be a crybaby. Always a good way to let the pressure flow away…
Not being able to cry is frustrating. Take your time, eat healthy, think about yourself. Maybe some self-introspection will help rebuild some of the self esteem back?
I guess I had one time I still can't forget her but I just think on her sometimes. She's from another state and I guess it's better like this because I will not fall in love and do dumb things.
Though it I don't even think in entering in relationships.
I don't know if it's a manifestation of trauma or closing myself off, but I haven't been infatuated, really infatuated with someone, in years.
Since my abusive relationship.
They say abusive relationships
imprint you in that way;
>Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.
The strong rushes of emotions you get from abusive relationships, the constant loop of dopamine rushes, periodically losing something and getting it back, the arguments that I think even excited me deep down, but I feel bad because I don't feel genuinely passionate about anyone ever sense.
I can't tell if it's because I'm unconsciously looking for abuse as I associate it with "love", or I'm just really closed off now.
I have problems with dissociation too, maybe that's why.
I have a boyfriend that I genuinely love to death, but I don't feel passion or excitement. I love kissing him, but it's mere pecks on the lips and, half-hearted "love you's," and it's nice, but I don't feel the deep lusty urge to jump his bones, and never have. Is that normal…?
I used to go on dates with people, just to force myself, because I'd feel bad when people would show me a lot of affection, but I didn't return it. I realize it's wrong now; people deserve to have someone who is just as passionate as they are.
I just wish I could look at someone and feel that RUSH. I don't want to ever be fighting with someone all the time, I don't wanna hurt again, but I guess part of me craves excitement in favor of comfort, but I try to ignore it because I love my boyfriend, and know he's good for me. I would never cheat, but I do fantasize/daydream about a more exciting relationships, like with fictional characters and stuff.
Also, forgot to mention that I will turn 19 in this year and I never dated, I guess I'm fine with it until now.
I rarely had crushes on anyone, but I downloaded tiktok and there's so many beautiful people it's ridiculous.
Don't get fooled by angles and filters. It's fine to enjoy but don't think they are any realer than anime girls.
There's a lot of that for sure. But even ignoring looks, there's a lot of interesting personalities about. Not to mention that looking good on camera is an impressive skill in itself.
Hey me too
Except they already turned me down but still wanted to be friends. I don't know if they'll even reply or if this is even a good idea, but I've never even had a female friend before so if I can at least do that it would progress.
It's been a while, but did they respond?