I can't even talk about it. There's a huge hole in my heart, and it's not going away. I'm a shell of my former self.
Dated a girl once, then she cheated on me. Now I don't trust people enough for relationships, because I think that, if I date someone else again, they'll probably cheat on me too. It's emotionally devastating and I don't want to deal with that again.
When I meet someone attractive or someone who shows interest in me, I usually get too tense and self-conscious to act in a proper way. On top of that I know damn well how volatile romantic feelings can be, yet an intimate relationship should be something profound and honest imo. Most of the love I witnessed ended in anger and grief, no matter the time spent together.
Recently my mom broke up with her (second) husband, nonchalantly destroying our family and over two decades of shared lifetime. Fuck this shit, I'll stay single.
Crushing is a strange experience; full of both grief and joy, as you say. I crushed on my current gf for about three months or so before asking her out, and, weirdly, I look back on that time fondly. It is the most innocent part of the relationship - pure, unconsummated attraction. Most people, including me, need to relieve their sexual urges every once in a while. But sometimes I wish it weren't like that and having a gf would be about having a very good friend you can hug and write cute notes to. Anyway, hope things go well for you, OP.>>5392>Recently my mom broke up with her (second) husband, nonchalantly destroying our family and over two decades of shared lifetime.
I feel those feels, sushi, even though in my case it happened when I was quite young. All I can say is that I'm sorry you have to deal with it; but you'll be fine. We all will.
fell in love with a girl
first person in the world who "got" me
started online for a year and a half
fall utterly in love
we finally started meeting in person
was too shy to even hug
she'd sneak out late at night and we'd watch movies
brought her back one night and her parents found out
threatened to kill me
kept my distance for a couple years
she follows me to the same college
I am too shy to approach her
turns out she started seeing someone else.
try to rebound with a different girl
can't unlove the first
try to reconnect with her
but she keeps her distance and is seeing someone else
seems like she is picking on me
seems like she is making fun of me
lowest point in my life
tell her she sucks at art
she bans me from her life
mfw I am stuck in love with a person who wants nothing to do with me
some days i want to move on and i cant
some days i can move on but don't want to
most days i am numb to everything
everything sucks except music
i wish everything would go back to how it was
i just want to be with her and watch movies again
don't fall in love, kids.
There's a girl at work… But of course as always she would never notice me. She's really fucking pretty and also very hot. I was speaking to a workmate the other day and he said "you too would make a nice couple, she looks like the smart kind, I can see you falling for her" and that only made matters worse of course.
She's nice though, there are some girls who wouldn't even bother to look in my general direction, this one I talk to (trying to find a work-related excuse to do so everytime) and she's… nice. Though perhaps she has to be nice because it's part of her job -she's supposed to help me if I ask…
Anyway she's walking around and really hot and also cute and it gets to me, I can't help but look at her whenever I can but as many of you may very well know there's this feeling of unease growing in me, perhaps due to the fact that my infatuation is growing and the odds are she barely even notices my existence let alone actually have any interest for me.
Oh well such is lyf.
Ask her out. Better to know than not know, it'll be a relief either way.
talk to her! it doesn't have to be asking her out, just try and get to know her, her hobbies, the music she likes, things like that. speaking as an irl (sushi)girl i can't count the number of times i lost interest in someone and moved on (or, conversely, someone lost interest in me) because we just never talked.
it's scary, but rejection is better than not talking at all and endlessly wondering "what if". best of luck!
I've had feelings for multiple girls in the past, but they either turned out to be shitty people or taken. At this point though, I don't think I will ever be fit to have a relationship. I've struggled with sensory overload and meltdowns from asperger's syndrome, as well as anxiety and depression. There's a whole backstory behind all of this that I don't think any normal person would understand, let alone a romantic partner. Even if she was willing to listen, it would all be a huge burden to her.
I've felt love only once in my life and it was over the internet (during the ICQ times).
Since then I've had at least 3 girls had a crush on me.
Only one of them had made a move, the other two were always just wiggling about the topic and sometimes throwing in "random" closer-than-personal kind of questions.
Since I didn't feel anything towards any of them, mostly because I just can't feel love at all, I refused them all going with the narrative that I don't want responsibilities and then the pain of an inevitable breakup after they're done with the person I am.
I've long accepted the solitude life. I definitely won't be having an offspring. And I also won't be falling in love anymore. Since it's out of my control, if I accidentally do, I'll try my best to suppress that feeling from start.
I have fallen in love only once. And even then, i'am not sure if i can differentiate that feeling from deep friendship in conjunction with sexual attraction. It's just more painful than good friendship and that's all.
That girl was a friend of mine, when i fall for her. Unfortunately, she is into woman. Well, my feelings mostly passed after a year. She is still one of my closest friends.
call me what you like but I'll just say this because fuck it it's sushi rollymous
never really had any interest in love, was a foreign concept to me, until I met some lad over discord about nov. last year and well I guess he's got charm or something because I've basically turned into some clingy autist who's always fascinated by everything he says and always waiting for him to respond to me and put simply I do in fact love him
doesn't really reciprocate it, he just acts kind of cool and uninterested in it all, but I have asked him, and he does say that he isn't as disinterested and contemptuous as he lets on
don't have questions for the rest of you or anything but that's about it desu
feelings have to be mutual
if you like them and they don't like you back, it's disheartening for you, and probably awkward or straining on the other person
I read your reply and realized how right you are so I talked to her, well I'd done it before but with work-related issues. This time I gave her a chocolate and asked her for her name and now I can just approach her and talk to her as a friend would, as I do to my buddies at work so…. thanks I guess.
Not that I can really know if I have a chance with her but that I'll only know with time I guess, and if she decides it's actually worth interacting with me more than strictly necessary heh.
Anyway I'm happy about this!
It would be the right thing to do, if you gave it time and were sure it wasn't just a temporary thing. It would probably be best to talk to them about it and see if there's something in the relationship that needs to change also. But if one person doesn't have feelings for the other at all and they're just playing the role for whatever reason, even an altruistic one, it'll only build up resentment for them and be an awful shock/betrayal for their partner when it comes out.
You may or may not be depressed, I don't think thinking about this means you necessarily are.
If you're female, unfortunately his distant nonchalance is probably only attracting you further. Might be why you fell in love. Pitty.
Don't think that makes much sense
I'd rather be single than in a relationship I don't care about.>>5531
That's not how it works.
I had a few crushes in middle school, 20 years ago. Nothing since then.
I'm not a woman, but you're not the first person to think I am
what is love?
baby don't hurt me
don't hurt me…no more
Oh, I don't know, what can I do?
No. I don't believe love is sustainable emotion for the long time.
That's great to hear sushi roll.
(making a note - poetry clubs??)
>poetry club romance
yeah this is a really cute post
Nothing at all. I've never been in love, not even a crush. Closest to it is being horny for some buff guys at the gym but that doesn't really count.
I've always been the weird guy and not very good looking, so i doubt anyone ever had interest in me.
One girl (who isn't my mom!) said i was cute once tho.
One part of me intesely yearns to know what it's like having romantic feelings, being so deeply attracted to someone must be very powerful and joyful.
However, based on what i've heard my whole life, love is as much a blessing as it's a curse, and more often than not, leaning strongly to the latter.
This emotion would likely bring me more pain than anything else, so, at least for now, i think i'm better off not falling for anybody.
In fact, i shouldn't even be considering it when i'm currently uncapable of forming real friendships.
My priority is to stop being so hopelessly incompetent when it comes to interacting and connecting to other people.
I cheated on a girl once. I dunno if I was in love with her, but at the time I felt like the relationship wasn't going to last (but maybe that's just me trying to rationalise my sins). For some reason I just felt that she didn't 'get me', that she didn't really know my inner self.
I've never been able to forgive myself for doing it. I basically ruined her life. She lost most of her friends, dropped out of school, and now she's on antidepressants. On top of that, it also spoiled my relationship with most of the friends we had in common too.
I'm always thinking about what would have happened if I'd never dated her in the first place. It was hormones and lust that attracted me to her, and the same things made me cheat on her. If only I'd had more self control, I wouldn't feel this guilt.
But even writing this, I feel like it's just something for me to feel sorry for myself about. No matter how guilty I feel, it won't make her feel better. I don't deserve to feel guilty.
>>6298>The extent of my commitment means that I have a responsibility for my current situation which I can't escape from. >Am I in love now? I certainly have love for this person, and would hate to see them in pain.
I feel you man. My story is different in that I was head over heels for a girl in my university, and she was head over heels for me. We've been in a relationship for a little over one and a half years now. In that time, my feelings have mellowed considerably.
I want to be her friend. I still want to go on long walks by the river with her. I still want to share bad jokes with her. But I don't want to deal with her emotional crises. These aren't very major but still make me feel hopeless whenever they occur. For example, she will get into a mood and, on the edge of tears, accuse me timidly of not loving her. The more she does this, the less I am able to love her, and the more I want to be free from the expectations she has of someone who is 'in love'. If I were merely a friend, we could have all the same valuable moments without the anxiety of losing our love for each other. (Sexual stuff aside, of course, but that has little value now that it's no longer new and exciting.)
To come back to your post, sushi, I ask myself the same question of whether I am in love, and I am utterly unable to answer it. How would I even know?
I don't really get mine. I'm not sure if I've ever felt love, but I did date someone once.
It lasted for a little over a year, long distance though. Looking back it was pretty obvious the guy didn't really give a shit about me since I was just easy and filled his fetishes but I didn't really care since least someone pretended to give a shit about me. It ended when friends made me snap, he was trying to get me to abandon my entire life and future to live in a van with him and kept trying to walk away from the subject whenever it came up that I didn't want to. I ended having to just explain myself in a message and cutting contact entirely, he never tried to contact me again but one of the friends hit on me while I was still a wreck.
Only person I ever had even the slightest crush on was a girl in high school, she was literally the amazon type (Tall, well built, etc) but also a total weeb. And even then it was more a 'I wish I could talk to her so we can hang out' than anything else.
Since then I don't think I've felt whatever I thought love was at that time. Or maybe I just can't feel it but regardless I think I'm fine alone. Helps that almost every relationship around me is just… Bad. Utilitarian, a cousin fucking a dude for money, one had a fake wedding with a drunkard to get his family's money (She also got knocked up, twins to add to her now 5 kids. She's already with a new guy), and to just not live alone.
Im currently seeing a girl that lives a few apartments down from me. She goes to the same university as me, and so far its going very fell. Its been a while since i've felt this way for a girl so its really nice. In a couple weeks I think im going to ask if she wants to be a couple, and then move on from there.
Dramatic, heart-pounding love can be more helpfully defined as a separate thing called "limerence".
The term first appears in the book "Love and Limerence" by Dorothy Tennov. In it she also talks about a few non-limerent people who just don't understand what everyone else is raving about. The difference is pretty much as >>6298
describes it, but there's more detail of course.
It was published in 1979, so >>5386
can rest easy about being tumblrsexual.
I was always a hopeless romantic.
I had three crushes, none worked, all taught me something I wish I hadn't known.
I grew up with only two friends, we were the ones misunderstood by all the other but understood by ourselves. One of them confessed to me. I liked her, but I realized, that I was too young to really love someone. So I said give me two years and I will be mature enough. I would actually love her two years later, but in that time depression and suicidal thought plagued the three of us. my other friend became a drug addict, distance followed. I only had her left. I woke up every morning hating my self wanting to kill myself only to go to school and try to stop her from hurting herself. I remember how strangely proud she was when she found a place to cut herself where her mother wouldn't see it. I loved her, but she was over me. I became nearly schizophrenic, i couldnt help her any longer, even though I loved her I went away. a year later, my health had gotten at least a little bit better, I wanted to meet her. but she died. everybody thought it was an accident, but I didn't, it was exactly the manner of death she wrote to me in a letter, two years ago. it has been 4 years since then. Sometimes I still remember how we baked cookies together, with her then still innocent smile. how we talked as little children what kind of dogs we would have together when growing up. how she stuttered trying to confess me, only to turn around with a red face stressfully searching for a letter. looking at me with those deer eyes when I opened them. I am kinda over now. but since then I believe that it is better not to depend upon people, I don't want to hurt anybody nor do I want to be hurt. I also learned that I will never again betray a friend, I see me leaving only because of my mental health as a betrayal.
even though my life has become more normal, from time to time it still returns, it has damaged my capability to interact with women pretty strongly, combined with the fact that I see sex in no good light, and I am lost in this modern dating world.
>>6300>If I were merely a friend, we could have all the same valuable moments without the anxiety of losing our love for each other. (Sexual stuff aside, of course, but that has little value now that it's no longer new and exciting.)
I know what you mean, but I've also heard people say that hetero men and women can't have normal friendships. Not sure if it is the same with other relationships. In my own experience, there were too many difficult feelings of jealousy and betrayal when trying to remain friendly with my ex, and I was also a bit paranoid that they were getting too intimate with other people. Not that I would have had any right to complain, but it was a difficult situation to find oneself in.
If they say that, what they mean is "I can only imagine interacting with a man/woman in terms of sex". Because what else is the fundamental difference between a friendship and romance? Sure, often friendships are more casual/distant, but not always. Maybe that's true for them, but that's no ground to assume for everybody. It being that way for an ex seems different to me though, since you have history and associations with them.
I never felt romantic love in my entire life. nobody ever fell in love with me and I never feel in love with anyone. I'm almost 27.
what is wrong with me? I'm not unhappy at all but I feel like I'm missing something that everyone else has. do you guys think I should have this checked out?
Currently crushing a little on a cute coworker of mine. He's cute, wears cool stuff, and I like how formal and courteous he's been until recently. The only problem is that I'm pretty sure he's too young, even for me. Currently working on stopping this minimal crush.
That's as far as I've ever really went, besides being too dumb to get the hints from this one girl in middle school (probably wouldn't have meshed with her that well, though). I am not willing to go any further. As creepy as it is, crushing on people is pretty fun. Otherwise, I like to be as asocial as possible, as long as it doesn't come off rude. I don't get along with people because autism.
When it comes to love, I am absolutely horrified. There is not a single person in my family without an absolutely broken relationship, besides my great grandparents who never seemed that into each other. I like that I am keeping this broken pattern in a new way. I doubt my siblings will have better luck, though. We just don't seem to be healthy people.
People are exhausting. I've moved three times in my childhood and twice as an adult. People who have never traveled are simple and inexperienced.>>5528
After that initial lust, I think you end up finding someone who you can tolerate.
Love is a compromise.
I never had any childhood romance and I cant find anyone with mutual interests. I wanna give up but I don't wanna be alone. I was told women smell desperation so is there even any point in talking to women if it wont work out anyway?
Absolutely worth talking to women. It might appear that most (people) are flat NPCs (and hell maybe there's some truth to that) but you really really never know what could happen. Don't ever give up.
this guy is right because once you give up thats it. you can not un-give up. I know because it happened to me.
Uncomfy times ahead
I feel like I should, but every time I try I mess things up for myself. I did infact have one relationship but I feel like it messed me up bad. It set me on a path of doing nothing but chasing after girls, desperately trying to get a gf to wash away what happened and make myself feel like this is something I can succeed in. But every time I tried getting close to a girl irl or online I just made the situation worse and embarrassed myself. I don't feel comfortable with romance or intimacy anymore, even seeing it in anime makes me uncomfortable. At some point I started talking to girls on /soc/ but the only thing I gained from that is that I shouldn't talk to girls on the internet. Now I'm just sitting here with awkward feelings, that even if I meet someone I have feelings for, will it work out?
>>6551>will it work out?
This and more, you will find out in the next episode of sushigirl in us. Stay tuned for more action packed internal conflicts, self-doubt and questioning it all due to past events and their impact on the current situation!sorry, I couldn't resist
Speaking for myself, I accustomed to being alone most of the time. Maybe I'm supressing something, but there are just so many important things to worry about, that being unloved and having no significant other is merely a short side stich on the inevitably shortening run of life.
I rarely want to connect with women, opting to treat their feelings as a curiosity instead. It's unfortunate because I can typically empathize with my male friends, but I feel some kind of sexual tension, repressed trauma, or some other blocker when trying to empathize with women.
This probably means that most of my relationships will be shallow since the primary component of a relationship is seeing the other person as part of you, a kind of two-person collective.
Even so, my prior experiences tell me that spending a bunch of time trying to force my mind to accept truths that the other person accepts is agonizing. That only leaves me with the option of logically processing their sets of quirks and their current emotions so that I can sort of their intentions.
In the end, it all becomes very tiresome, so I try not to think about love or women.
Am currently in a very good relationship with a very nice woman, everything is going very smoothly.
In my (rather limited) experience, love is more of a deep bond with the other person rather than a passionate crush. As you both begin to understand the others personalities on a more complex level the bond becomes a lot more multi-faceted compared to the basic attraction to sexual and surface personality features.
I crushed once I think, but she was taken so never bothered to attempt anything. I later learned she cheated on her bf but still ended marrying him so all that was left was the wonder of how I misjudged her.
Nothing else so far, feel if I try something now it would be for the selfish purpose of getting rid of my loneliness, which would be unfair. First I will sort out my shit and then I will try to discover what love is supposed to be
No courage needed - they’re human and just as fucked up and clueless as everyone else
As for the opportunity: I went to all boys schools all my life, until now in college. Everything is socially segregated in my country (middle east), every interaction between the opposite sexes is deemed suspicious. Having a conversation with a girl is rare (even if it was work related). It is no surprise that most marriages here are traditional.
As for the courage: I'm socially awkward. I can't appropriately carry on a conversation nevertheless start one. (Especially with girls). Never had the opportunity to casually talk to a girl since forever. Even starting one seems risky.
Ah, got it. I made some assumptions there - what you said does complicate things.
To the second point though…I don't know. What has worked for me with interactions is I tell myself that, in reality, most people are awkward. Some are certainly better than others at putting up a facade of confidence but I truly think most are scared to some degree. And also asking questions because it takes the burden off of you to provide conversation content :)
>>6638> I tell myself that, in reality, most people are awkward. Some are certainly better than others at putting up a facade of confidence but I truly think most are scared to some degree
And this is exactly why I think a lot of bitter chan people are totally lost and untangled in their made-up social hierarchy of normies, chad, beta, etc. It's like a strange alternate reality growing stronger every year, but never taking into account truths blatant for anyone being around other humans: Most people are ridden with doubts, fears, suffered traumas, are fundamentally shy, but some are just better at hiding or living with this
Come on on, this is true to an extent, but social hierarchies are real.
Same, I hope I'll be able to be more productive this year. Love life is a mess though, I've come to terms that I'll always love my ex but it's still hard on me.
>>6718>I've come to terms that I'll always love my ex but it's still hard on me.
Aw man, that shit sucks man. I hope you'll be able to forget and move on to happier things.
god, i've dated somebody (for like, 2-3 months) who left me for another person (who is um, an exact copy of me in terms of appearance and personality) and it messed me up. it's been 4 months already but i am still thinking about that person and feeling ill always love them. no one else is interesting to me, i blow everyone off (mess them up the same way) but also want a relationship all the time. i think its kind of like drugs, if you tried it once you start desperately wanting to get some more
I don't hate you. I forgive you. I miss you very much.
Don't think I ever was.
But then again, how would I even know.
I don't think he was ever into imageboards so I doubt it's you but on the off-chance it is-I wish our friendship was more conventional. I actually do love you a lot, more than anyone (I hate being mushy but it's the truth bleugh). I can't stand pretending to hate you because my friends didn't like your friends. Eventually, the pressure built to a point where I couldn't stand how much harder everything is now compared to when we were teens. I need to learn how to stop being a complete social retard because it's harder to be happy when I keep forcing myself to be alone.
I wish for your happiness more than anything in the whole wide world. Take care of yourself. I'll see you when I'll see you.
It's okay. Life is way harder than I thought it would be, too.
I still believe in love because of you. Love is real.
But when you closed off all communication it crushed me. I was devastated. I was in a very gross place the last time we talked and I feel like it's all my fault. If only I said something different I wouldn't have scared you away. If only I listened. I'm sorry.
I miss you so much.
I wish I knew what I was supposed to do to bring you back.
My happiness is only a stupid mask that I have to wear to make it through a work day. At all moments I just want to be beside you instead, doing or talking about anything. You loved me when I didn't love myself and it gives me strength every day. Thank you for this. I would like to return the favor now that I've found an inner strength of my own finally.
I patiently wait to hear your voice again. I have so much I want to share with you and there's so much more I want to learn from you.
You don't have to be afraid anymore.
This is very odd but yeah you did say something really weird in front of everyone and my friends were pissed off at you, like, majorly pissed. At least it's in the past now and I don't hold it against you. I just couldn't say that in front of them. Anyway, forgot all that–Please get to me on my Discord: import_nltk#5963 I really miss talking to you all the time like we used too.
I've been in mutual love for 7+ years now. It's also me and my partner's first love and relationship. We married in our 4th year of knowing each other. Confident we're gonna spend our whole life together.
Also crushes are blind idealizations of people you don't really know well.
My experience is that it's a dumb distraction.
I feel infatuated with this model I've been studying in my class. I just spoke to him today and spent some time chatting while intimately drawing him. He kept looking into my eyes and it felt like that Nathan for You where he kept saying "again" and the girl kept saying "I love you" except no cringe and no saying he loved me. Just that kind and gentle expression, making me so flushed. I have a boyfriend… I legit feel poly as fuck but I know I'm not. Such conflict. I will probably just lose the infatuation in time.
that's not love. does your boyfriend know about your tendencies? you better be open with it or you're gonna hurt him in the future.
It's not love in the slightest. My boyfriend knows that I met him and I don't intend to hurt him. People can't help infatuations, but they can control their actions. If I find my infatuation has grown I'll certainly distance myself.
it's kind of awkward. being a lesbo in a country that views either they're hell-spawns or porn material doesn't help either. liked a girl, actually danced with her in prom (as a joke), but I'll never be able to properly love a girl without getting jailed thus I decided I would not love anyone romantically ever since.
if everyone forces me to love a man, might as well not love anyone.
I'm honestly in a really complex situation. I… think, I love someone online, but I can't quite tell if they're a girl, boy or a tranny. And, I'm really only into girls. Hell, to be honest, I don't really even know them too well since we're just together with a common interest, but they're just so nice and we get along well.
And, I'm sure this person does see me as a good friend back, and in all honesty I don't mind that one bit, considering how it's fucking stupid to give info to each-other, but god, if I could take the opportunity to advance just to see who they are I'd take it. If they end up revealing themselves a man or whatever, then we can just be good pals as we always are. They seem to really love just being around me, and they're someone I can actually help whenever they're not too busy with whatever they're doing, hell I like to think I've helped encourage them to get deeper into drawing, though I can't exactly confirm that.
I doubt they'd come to read this imageboard/thread in specific, though I'm sure if they saw this post they'd probably know who was referring to them. Maybe. So to foolproof this in case they do, I just wanna say you don't need to worry about me dumping you as a pal.
God, I feel so pathetic even typing this out.
Don't worry is nothing shameful or bad.
Just try to trade some pictures or be honest and expose your doubts, if they have used imageboards for more than 10 minutes they are going to understand where you're coming from
I'm in trouble big time.
I started dating a girl that I met on an app that lives in Japan. It feels nice, we video call all the time, but it scares me how much feeling loved comforts me, because I know if anything happens like it did in High School, I'll be an absolute mess again. I really love her though. I plan to visit at the end of this year, already saved up money for a plane ticket and some living expenses, but trying to save up more so I can spend comfortably while I'm there. I guess this is a good and bad situation.
I feel that too sushi. I'm a romanticist at heart and would prefer I wouldn't have to go on Life's journey alone, but I'll be fine either way it turns out.
I do hear a lot about infatuations, but I never experienced it when I'm already in mutual love with one person, but I guess it's just my brain.
It might make sense to you that our relationship has ended. We certainly had some problems, yet my heart is still very broken. Depression sucks.
There's someone that I know online that I really want to get to know, but I don't know how to get the ball rolling. I really want to talk to her, but our "conversations" barely last a few lines of dialogue before she checks out. It's not like I want to hold her captive in talking to me, but it makes me sad. Maybe it's because we're both introverts? Either one of us would regularly message the other with a "good morning," but neither one of us seems capable of being the first person to ever speak. I tried joking about something a while ago to get a conversation going to no such luck. We've gone weeks or months between messaging one another before, but I really want to talk to her and I don't know what to say to get her attention or make her feel comfortable enough to start having longer conversations.
What's worse is that she checks all my boxes. Jeez. I'm really at my wit's end.
You should have in mind some people simply just don't chat that much. I have a really old and good friend, we get along super good when we meet, but he's always a cold fish over text. It's nothing personal, it's just how he is, text interactions aren't his deal. Just a medium to make plans or exchange information.
Also point 2, deciding she checks all your boxes even though you've only had "conversations" sounds like you just think she's cute and you decided she's a person you'd be compatible with even though you don't know her history or personality. Pull back a little, both for your emotional health and cause if/when you do have that real convo you might be too forward on pushy too early. She's just pretty, that's all. Maybe you have some shared taste in media or something as well, but that doesn't really say anything about your chemistry.
Thanks for replying, sushi. I'll think more deeply about this. I also didn't really mean checking all my boxes in terms of appearance – that's a part of it, sure, but we're both very similar in terms of interests and such, which I frankly care more about – but I do understand your point. We've been talking for a little while and I do know a lot about her background and interests, I just wish she wasn't so distant was moreso my point. She's said before she doesn't really like one-on-one conversations and prefers chatrooms and stuff, so that might be part of it too. I almost definitely sound more invested than I am, but I'm really not of the temperament to be blunt about my thoughts or to ask about this sort of stuff which is why I posted this here. It's more just a collection of thoughts I've had since knowing her than feelings I've come to all at once over the course of a week or something.
… I'm hopeless, aren't I?
We're all hopeless until we find the glimmers, and then chances are then we're back to being hopeless again sooner or later. Just enjoy the ride.
I get your drift. Maybe you don't meet that many people? It's easy to get fixated on somebody then, even though you're not really compatible. Which it seems you aren't, you having known eachother a while and you wishing she'd be more game to add her share to the fire.
People don't tend to change that much, I wouldn't be betting on her realizing the comfy social intimacy she's missing out on.
I dunno, I guess, try to meet some new people? Someone who actually gives back. Once you find somebody like that it seems weird looking back, trying so hard to make it work with cold people.
I talked myself out of caring about love or relationships for a very long time because I was afraid and not confident. Now I am realizing that it was a mistake and as I get older I wish more and more that I had some kind of love experience. The times I have tried in the past year haven't gone so well and I can't say I've ever really truly fallen for someone. What I'd like more than anything else is for someone to fall for me but I can't see that happening.
I am in a bit of an odd position, but it makes sense to us. My ex broke up with me, but afterward we've remained drawn to eachother. We still feel like soul mates, we're each other's best friends, yet we know it'd be wrong to be together for a while. We need to grow a lot as people before that can happen. In the meantime, we still express our love to eachother. I constantly tell him not to let me hold him back… idk. Is this sustainable? Maybe, maybe not. But I want to be single for at least a year.
you are not alone, roll.
>>7086>We need to grow a lot as people before that can happen.
This is a cop-out. You should grow together. In fact, that's the whole point of a relationship. If you can only get along when things are perfect but you can't work through things together that's a weak-ass relationship. At the same time, if he broke up with you, there's nothing that can be done about that.
There's no point in "expressing your love for each other" if you're not working through your problems together. It is a sham. Show love through actions and not pointless words/gestures with no follow through.
You're right. I tried mentioning the idea that you can be flawed yet committed to growth in a relationship and it changed nothing. It hurts so much. It's true that he had his depression problems and we had our disagreements but it's nothing unfixable. After we got in touch again he said we can be together when we're better and more mature, but he doesn't know when that would be. I fully admit I need a lot of personal growth but it hurts that I'm not enough as I am. I clung to the hope of a future, and we sexted a lot.
We indulged fantasies of being married and openly confessed our love daily. He would tell me I'm his only "mate" and that comforted me at first but now it feels terrible, so what that I'm the only person he'd want to have sex with. I want his girlfriend. We still think of each other as soulmates… But every time anything sexual happens lately I literally just start crying because I know I'm not good enough to be his. It just feels so wrong to go through with this stuff when he's not actually mine and I'm not actually his.
It's so embarrassing that I let him tell me sweet things that will likely never come true, so I told him I won't be doing it anymore yet he doesn't fully believe it. We keep flirting. My heart is breaking more and more and I am afraid there will be nothing left. Someone please knock sense into me.
At least tell him so he doesn't go crazy wondering.
Tell him the truth.
He not going to just automatically know you want to try out being single for a year. A man can't guess something like that. You have to tell him.
I like flirting much more than love. Sad that often the best flirters are looking for something - one girl stopped talking to me because I didn't want sex I just wanted wordplay, but to be fair I can entirely see where she's coming from.
But at the moment there's this super cute girl and we're doing long flirty conversations, but we were good friends and did lighthearted flirting then too so I don't know whether there's something in the increase other than quarantine desperation.
Why do I need someone so much?
I've had a fair share of experience in my life already. I know full well that not having a partner isn't a bad thing, as it gives a person a lot of time to do whatever they want, develop their hobbies, pursue a career… and ultimately, the partner of one's dreams should just appear, attracted by the value they've seen in a person.
At the same time, I want to have someone right now. I've haven't experienced much love, don't have much of a family. I'm deprived of human touch and warmth, completely unmotivated, almost friendless, horribly depressed. I know I already have a lot of offer - I don't look half bad, got hobbies, can cook, earn well, have been told I'm witty and able to make a girl laugh. But… there's noone there for me. I feel like nowadays it's impossible for me to meet anyone who'd turn out to be my soulmate and a reason to go on. If I met someone like this, I'd flip back to my usual genki state.
I'm not going to just date anyone for the sake of dating. It's better to invest in yourself than to go through unnecessary drama later on. That being said… I just sit idly and wither away. Corona makes it a lot worse, as I fully know couples have it a lot easier now, unless they discover they actually hate each other.
Sorry for the sad post, sushi. Just needed to get that out somewhere… I'd normally pretend everything was OK, but today I'm just melting.
He broke up with me. I openly told him my goal to be single for a year, but then he gave me the hope of a relationship and I got lost.
I get it. I don't deal with being alone well at all, either.
Corona has killed all chance of meeting anyone for the next 6 months at least.
Most people on imageboards are lonely, but have accepted their hermitdom, or even embraced it. Or just don't need that much contact. All of these are fine.
I just feel like I'm some normie and I get even more depressed.
It's now when the "go outside" advice doesn't work anymore that people may find out there's something wrong about making relationships nowadays.
(assuming you're the same person)
I can relate. I feel like I'd be a good partner but its just never happened.
It isn't a normie thing at all to want to with someone. I feel like a lot of people, on image boards and in general, are lonely, having little romantic experience or friends. The saddest thing is that there are a lot of lonely people that would be good matches but they don't know how to reach each other. Normie people go to bars or use dating apps while 'loser' people (using the term endearingly, I fall in this group) tend to be shut ins. We're like people stranded on islands, we know people are out their but don't know how to meet each other.
Yup, it was the same person all right.
"What if the person I'm replying to a lot over here is a potential partner, who has lost a hope for a relationship?", is a thing that sometimes gets into my mind.
At times, even if the technology makes it possible (e.g. you found some person you'd connect with), odds are they have trust issues as well and be hard to approach.
I agree with you. The only way for people like us to connect is to get to some place where you can operate under a pseudonym that wouldn't be full of normies.
Unfortunately, even the scarce social boards on imageboards don't work well.
People like us won't use dating apps just because they skip the phase of friendship. I think most imageboard users want to have a good friendship first, then make it something more if both sides are fine with it. This is quite different from going to dates.
Ah, it's all so wrong…
I relate with both of you. I'm very isolated and I'd love to fall in love with someone but it has to be a person I can trust, not just some girl I picked up on an app. No idea how to find one though, I've met a few women in a small online community I connect with and we all get on really well but every single one of them has a partner already.
Not having a girlfriend isn't killing me or anything, I've been alone for my whole life so I'm used to it, but sometimes I just want a hug you know?
Just that one person to be vulnerable with.
A man's a man. Any vulnerability shown is perceived as a weakness. That's why it's important to have this one person you can fully open yourself to…
>I've met a few women in a small online community I connect with and we all get on really well but every single one of them has a partner already.
Same here, even if I do meet some they're already taken.
> I've been alone for my whole life so I'm used to it, but sometimes I just want a hug you know?
That makes at least three of us, then.
>and finding someone on the same wavelength of weirdness as me feels impossible
Same feelings here… "Wavelength" is the word I use very often, too.
Just someone who'd accept your gushing about the thing you've recently found interesting, things like that.
Where have you been looking? It'd be very nice if sushi had a social zone, but I know they don't usually work out in the end.
Not that I expect anyone here to live anywhere remotely near me, too…
In any case, let's keep at it, holding on and hoping for miracles.
>>7368>Just someone who'd accept your gushing about the thing you've recently found interesting, things like that.
Exactly!>Where have you been looking?
Dating apps sadly, because I have no other way to actually meet people. I'm NEET right now, and my limited friend circle contains no women, just people with partners who I get embarrassingly jealous of. I feel like a bad person for judging so many people on such a shallow level, but it's what these apps encourage and it makes me kinda bitter and frustrated to have it laid out in front of me how little I relate to and get along with "normal" people. But I try not to let it get to me, I don't want to become the sort of person who "hates the normalfags" or whatever.> It'd be very nice if sushi had a social zone, but I know they don't usually work out in the end.
It's a nice idea, but you know what they say about there being no girls on the internet. I'm as in love with the idea of meeting my ideal fellow internet-weirdo partner online as anybody, but I don't think reality works like that for most people.>In any case, let's keep at it, holding on and hoping for miracles.
For sure. I haven't given up yet and I hope nobody else does either. Hang in there and all that.
Hm, found a decent image for the situation…>>7369
>and my limited friend circle contains no women, just people with partners who I get embarrassingly jealous of.
I know this one so much… My limited circle of friends stopped expanding, even though I'm not a NEET anymore. All the girls inside, if there are any, are already taken. Besides, it's not like I'd get with any of them anyways.
And yes, when you know your friend has a partner, who makes surviving the pandemic at least a little more manageable, you can get jealous. It happens to me a lot.
I try my best not to judge my friends (and even usually manage to, because I hold my friends in high regard), but seeing irresponsible, selfish couples without face masks on the streets makes me quite jaded.
Unfortunately, from what I've heard they drag people down even more, as getting no matches can be quite disheartening. Please, don't get it let you down. I'm sure you're a valuable person. It's the average kind of people that can't see the value in us here, and the badly designed dating apps that cash in on people's misfortune don't make things any better.
>there being no girls on the internet
I just wonder why they don't visit places like this one.
Well, they do, I've known at least several of them. But they usually only lurk… especially the worthwhile ones.
Honestly i've pretty much given up on 'dating' with apps or online and am focusing on finding friendship first for now like >>7328
said… both first in that i can't really imagine having/don't know how to approach a partner i didn't know and trust/didn't know me, and in that it's just more of a priority to me. I can live without love, not without friends and comrades. Of course both would be nice… I really feel what >>7363
said about age and wavelength, whether it's romantic or any other social situation
For me though, i'm not good at connecting to people online/through text… it's shared work or projects that I've really bonded with people over so far. I met one good friend through political work who really changed my experience of life. But actually going out and doing things is also in the field of things I need to get my shit together in>>7332>A man's a man. Any vulnerability shown is perceived as a weakness. That's why it's important to have this one person you can fully open yourself to…
I hope this was talking more about what other people might think? (if so, true but those people can fuck off). But while some people do look down on men who show feelings/vulnerabilities, it's still important to be able to do it… a person
is always weak in that sense even if they hide it, it's only people
together who can do better. And expecting a partner to do all the emotional support destroys relationships - men should be able to have intimacy with people they can trust outside of that, like anyone else can. Anyone who looks down on you for that, that's something we need to change culturally, and obviously it's only one problem. But if that's how you think yourself, i really think that it'll make things harder for you and people you care about
It's weird for me, because I do have some good friends, even though I'm not always around them. So I shouldn't even care about not having anyone even closer to me, but well, I do.
Political work? That's quite unexpected.
>A man's a man. Any vulnerability shown is perceived as a weakness. That's why it's important to have this one person you can fully open yourself to…>>I hope this was talking more about what other people might think?
Yes, it's the toxic way the society works. I've been, like many people, told not to show any shreds of weakness, because people will just use it. "Boys don't cry", stuff like that. The tears just don't flow now. I don't even tell people I'm not OK and keep up the mask like nothing's happened. It's draining.
A partner should _never_ be the emotional sponge for a person's problem, just support if anything.
That's why some people should have fix themselves before even trying to date.
A common theme of the past few comments in this thread is that it's difficult for us to actually meet people. A lot of us are shut ins / socially awkward and haven't had much luck with dating apps, not even taking into account the quarantine. The same is true for the kind of people we would be most compatible with. I can't think of a way around this, almost feels like we're destined to be alone, man of tastely aware of people 'out there' but never actually meeting them. Maybe something like discord servers or sites like this are good meeting grounds but I'm not sure. Either way, we have to put ourselves out there, if not to find someone, to at least signal to one another that we're present.
Loneliness in general has been a growing problem over the past few decades. This podcast episode is a good discussion on the topic for those interested.https://ashesashes.org/blog/episode-62-separate-ways
>>7384>man of tastely aware
meant to say merely aware, have no clue how I mistyped that.
It's a malformed wordfilter, it doesn't take into account if it's part of another word
Nice site/podcast, I didn't know someone lead a detailed analysis of the matter, even with sources and not much clutter.
Discord makes it hard to discover new servers. There might be Sushichan servers, but I'll never find out about them. I'm sure I'm not the only one with that problem…
Makes sense, people have a lot of social/physical needs and even good friendships probably don't meet all of them.
It's not necessarily what people think of, and it's partially luck that i happened to meet the rare person i could get on with really well, but having concrete work together definitely helps me get through not really knowing how to do the little surface level interactions, and i think there's a lot of value in belonging to something meaningful together as well (whatever it is, for some people it's as small scale as their relationship)
I'm sorry to hear it… it's really bad that people are like that. It really is exhausting to have to suppress emotions like that, and i don't know how many people have hurt themselves or others because of it. It's one reason I'm really glad places like this still exist>>7384
Speaking of, definitely true. Thanks for the link, i'm always looking out for neat podcasts
Got dumped not too long ago, still recovering but progress is clear
I don't have to keep up appearances here. The board's aim to be comfy, but it also leaves some space to be nostalgic, or even depressed. It's great.
Sometimes it's hard to vent even to friends, especially when you have they go through bad things as well. I'm free of judgement here, I don't have to pretend. I'm glad this place exists.>>7418
We're in the same boat. Sucks during the pandemic. Good luck to you, let's get out of that rut.
Yeah man it's specially hard to cope when you're not able to leave your house and distract yourself
Movies and such surely help, but still, awful timing
Maybe it's good, though, like, maybe this is the best way to get over it because you don't run away from the bad feelings, you can't, you gotta embrace them and understand why they're there, and that might be the best way to heal
Woops, meant to reply to >>7420
I'm already over myself, it's just loneliness getting to me.
I should sink in some long video game or anime series, but I somehow don't feel like it. I'm trying to make friends here and there instead…
I'm a 27 year old virgin that hasn't had a real life crush in almost a decade.
I'm the same age but I alternate between accepting my fate and getting naive hopes about people I meet. So far the latter attitude hasn't really brought me much aside from stress but I don't want to give up.
Did you expect it, or was it sudden? It sucks either way.
The symptoms are normal. Cry all you want, you'll probably need it.
Hang in there.
It might actually be better to be a crybaby. Always a good way to let the pressure flow away…
Not being able to cry is frustrating. Take your time, eat healthy, think about yourself. Maybe some self-introspection will help rebuild some of the self esteem back?
I guess I had one time I still can't forget her but I just think on her sometimes. She's from another state and I guess it's better like this because I will not fall in love and do dumb things.
Though it I don't even think in entering in relationships.
I don't know if it's a manifestation of trauma or closing myself off, but I haven't been infatuated, really infatuated with someone, in years.
Since my abusive relationship.
They say abusive relationships
imprint you in that way;
>Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.
The strong rushes of emotions you get from abusive relationships, the constant loop of dopamine rushes, periodically losing something and getting it back, the arguments that I think even excited me deep down, but I feel bad because I don't feel genuinely passionate about anyone ever sense.
I can't tell if it's because I'm unconsciously looking for abuse as I associate it with "love", or I'm just really closed off now.
I have problems with dissociation too, maybe that's why.
I have a boyfriend that I genuinely love to death, but I don't feel passion or excitement. I love kissing him, but it's mere pecks on the lips and, half-hearted "love you's," and it's nice, but I don't feel the deep lusty urge to jump his bones, and never have. Is that normal…?
I used to go on dates with people, just to force myself, because I'd feel bad when people would show me a lot of affection, but I didn't return it. I realize it's wrong now; people deserve to have someone who is just as passionate as they are.
I just wish I could look at someone and feel that RUSH. I don't want to ever be fighting with someone all the time, I don't wanna hurt again, but I guess part of me craves excitement in favor of comfort, but I try to ignore it because I love my boyfriend, and know he's good for me. I would never cheat, but I do fantasize/daydream about a more exciting relationships, like with fictional characters and stuff.
Also, forgot to mention that I will turn 19 in this year and I never dated, I guess I'm fine with it until now.
I rarely had crushes on anyone, but I downloaded tiktok and there's so many beautiful people it's ridiculous.
Don't get fooled by angles and filters. It's fine to enjoy but don't think they are any realer than anime girls.
There's a lot of that for sure. But even ignoring looks, there's a lot of interesting personalities about. Not to mention that looking good on camera is an impressive skill in itself.
Hey me too
Except they already turned me down but still wanted to be friends. I don't know if they'll even reply or if this is even a good idea, but I've never even had a female friend before so if I can at least do that it would progress.
It's been a while, but did they respond?
People in relationships make me sad and angry
Yes I am a bitter loser
When this pandemic is over I'm going to try and look for someone. I don't want to live my life without even trying once. At the very least, I want to get rejected instead of being scared of getting rejected. I've decided, sushi! I'll check back on this thread in a few years time and see where I land.
Hi, do you wanna be my bf/gf/f?
where does one find someone like oneself, if one is on a separate direction from the rest of humanity? i want my children and their children and so on to split off into a separate species and not get reabsorbed into the aimless mass of humanity.
You need to start a doom sex cult and base it in the middle of nowhere. You could do it in that terra nullius between Egypt and Sudan I think (Bir Tawil), otherwise cults like that usually get dissolved by law enforcement.
>>9818>i want my children and their children and so on to split off into a separate species and not get reabsorbed into the aimless mass of humanity.
Why do you want children? Serious question. It sounds like you have disdain for humans, or at least humans unlike yourself. If so, why create more humans? Remember that your children might not turn out to share your misanthropic temperament. They might not resemble you (mentally, that is) at all. Why not just live out your life as best you can, and let that be the end of your lineage?
quality advice: doom sex cult in space it is. perhaps a training ground first to prepare, like antarctica, though the sahara also fits the bill.>>9826
sure failure is an option. my offspring may be too different from me, or they might reintegrate and all differences smeared out over time. but I will try anyway. humanity needs competition.
what is love if not a mechanism for speciation? only lust is needed for species propagation and selection; love is for segregating out similar variants within a larger population.
Sure I'll be your friend
I've had crushes on people in middle school, but I learned quickly no one could crush on me. Now I'm jaded.
You aren't alone there. Let's both hope sushi rolls weird cult works out and maybe we can have cute alien wives.
People have all kinds of tastes so it's very possible you've been crushed on without realizing. I'm very fat and stinky and it still happens to me every now and then.
It took my bf 10 years to break his social anxiety and hikki behaviour only just barely
enough to finally see me. I think you're doing well and you certainly could've lost more time and had it worse. So don't feel too bad about it, you're still young and have lots more time for cuddling ahead of you.
Through elementary/middle school and early high school a lot of different people had crushes on me and some even confessed, but I couldn't reciprocate any of their feelings. I felt like a monster, I just didn't understand what they felt about me. I finally figured out I was a lesbian when one of my friends got into a relationship and then I realized I was jealous. Funny how that stuff happens.
Someone in my class I'd actually be comfortable dating suddenly started hitting on me (virtually), but I haven't been able to reciprocate because I don't know how to flirt and starting a relationship during COVID and right before moving away for college is a terrible idea. I'm going to have to figure all of this out – crushes, love, dating, etc, in my adult life, and I hope it doesn't end up biting me in the ass.
Honestly, I just want to see my friends again!!
Yeah but how else am I supposed to meet girls. I hate social places when everyone there are strangers to me.
Not really an option sadly, I don't have any terribly social friends and my family certainly doesn't know anyone my age and single. It's probably for the best, girls are weird and scary.
>>10168>girls are weird and scary
Unlike cute boys!!
I don't find boys cute though
An update on this, almost two years later.
A couple months after making that post, I met someone online that would quickly grow to become the first person I could actually call a best friend. We were close in age, similar in personality, were into pretty much exactly the same hobbies, and each of us just had a great time talking to the other. I guess it also helped that we both had some rough periods IRL? Discussing those kind of problems together made us grow closer.
It was a very gradual thing, but sometime in the last 6 months, they became the most important person to me. I was constantly on the lookout for each of their messages, we started telling each other good morning and good night every day, and they were just constantly on my mind. Mind you, I didn't realize yet that this could be love
, as it wasn't something I'd ever experienced before. Plus, he's a boy, and while gender wasn't something I particularly cared about, my expectations were still leaning towards dating a girl at the time if it ever happened (though I wasn't actively looking).
Fast forward to this Christmas. Physically, I was spending it with family, but mentally, I was with him. A series of irl events + stress of exams made me completely shut down any thoughts of the future during the holiday break, so it felt like I was in a cozy bubble with him, each day bringing tons of fun with it.
The day after Christmas, I was browsing through an imageboard when I read a post from a day before, asking for advice on falling in love and wishing that person felt the same way. It was very vague, but I had some kind of hunch.
I asked if it was them. They said yes, and apologized for everything and said hoped I could forgive them, but my mind just went blank at that point as the dots started connecting in my head.
I tried going to bed, but couldn't sleep at all – my heart was beating way too fast, and for the first time, I understood what "butterflies in your stomach" actually felt like. It was almost scary, you know? That rush of physical sensations and symptoms was the only thing left for me to realize this was actually love, and they haven't stopped since.
I proceeded to type out what I said in this post and sent that to them at 3am, and I guess that was the point when we started dating. It only got better after that, and we're meeting up as soon as IRL hurdles preventing that are done with.
To all the sushis that haven't found love yet, don't lose hope: it may come from the places you least expect it. And it is absolutely amazing.
How cute and unexpected! I am happy for you, sushi! Hope you don't run into trouble because you are both guys. My father would kill me.
I'm a few thousand kms away from the bulk of my family, including parents, so that's not an immediate worry for me right now. But yeah, I'll have to tell them at some point when we begin the lifestyle arrangements… I'm not looking forward to that moment, though I think they will be disappointed/shocked more than angry.
Honestly, I'll probably keep it secret except for a select few people (parents and some cousins), since most of my family is quite religious.
Ah sushi I'm really happy for you! Your story kinda gives me hope too since I have online friends now.
This warms my heart. I wish the two of you have a wonderful life.
I really don't know how to feel about love and even friendship. I somehow want it but people and life is just so bothersome. I enjoy being alone but sometimes I get the urge to talk to people, to see traces of their life, to hear about what they do, how they feel, how they think of things, to discover new stuff. I guess this is why I browse image boards. As soon as I get outside of image boards it gets very quickly very tiresome. Maintaining a conversation, building a relationship, a friendship, discussing things, compromise, don't even get me started on meeting irl and do stuff. On image boards I browse when I want, how long I want, participate when I want, leave when I want. Else it just drives me nuts, no matter if a forum with private messages, discord with chat, irl with phone calls or Whatsapp, at family meetings, work.
While I do miss some things from love and also from friendship I dread what it takes to get a friend or a partner, same goes for maintaining the bond to each other. Like I said I enjoy being alone so I don't bother with both, only sometimes I feel a little bit shitty because I have no love nor friendship but I passes after a day.
Only a week ago somebody on Myanimelist started to send me private messages and I wrote back, happy to talk to somebody, especially because they are from the same country, which is very rare. After a few days it already became a drag, that person did nothing wrong, I actually like that person but I just don't want to talk, it's such a bother.
Well I just read it again before posting and it sounds autistic as fuck, but that's how I feel. I am always so overjoyed when I meet somebody and burn out after a few days… Now I feel sorry for so many people I knew on the Internet, people wo reached out to me, people I actually liked. Nowadays I am alone on the Internet and irl, which is understandable but mostly doesn't even bother me, although sometimes it does.
I feel the same way, sushi. I don't know what else to add because you've summarized it well. It gets lonely sometimes, but there are other times when I'm thankful I don't have to attend to other people.
Is it unbearably selfish? I think so. But, that's how I operate, and I know I'll continue to do so.
Thank you for your post, sushi. It made me happy to hear that someone out there feels the same way.
I think too that this is selfish and I feel bad about it now and then but I guess it's better to endure it as to reach out and annoy oneself and maybe even hurt somebody again. I try to be kinder but it's hard, my social battery is as low as low gets. Maybe two likeminded people like us would get along?
I think we would get along. Unfortunately, I don't think we would talk that often. I end up losing contact with other people pretty fast because it's hard to keep a conversation going for several days/months/years. I rarely DM my in real life friends once a month even.
I don't want to waste anybody's time and effort. At the very least though, I'll reply to this thread here and there if you want to keep contact.
Try joining the sushi irc? That way all you have to do is turn on an irc client with your computer and chime in when you feel like it, but you can still hang out and be friends because you can see who's online.
I don't think the purpose would be to talk often, rather to have somebody who actually understands the issue and feels the same way. We both don't want to be flooded anyway.
I like your offer, but I don't know if we should use this thread for it. Maybe the contact thread would be more fitting? Or maybe creating a new thread for it? I am also ready to offer a throw away messenger, for easier reaching out when the need/urge arises.>>10352
This makes 3 already, I didn't expect that. I know very well what you mean with the deeper bond that goes beyond sushi rollymity, this is why I suggested the other sushi a messenger besides this board. I gladly do the same to you too. Perhaps we could even make a small group for it?
Then make it four. I enjoy talking to someone. but sometimes I just don't want to talk 1 on 1.
Things like Discord servers or IRC I am totally fine with because it's not just me with someone alone. I can add to an ongoing conversation if I want to and that's totally fine.
It takes alot to get me to actually start talking 1 on 1 at anytime. I'm awfully reserved and introverted for that. But talking thru text makes it easier.
It's probably not the same level as all of you, but the sentiment is shared and understood and that's what counts.
I like your idea in your post. For now, I guess I can start hanging around in the sushi IRC. A Messenger group sounds comfy too.
Why/What do you think it´s selfish though? It´s just a way someone is, it´s not like it´s some intentional behavior.
If it´s about that you drop people without telling them, it´s mostly just about knowing yourself and being respectful by telling new people early just short form about how you don´t tend to keep in touch with people, and keeping in mind that the expectation might be just that, all in your mind. A nice conversation isn´t a social contract of being BFFs for the rest of time, it can just be a nice thing in itself.>>10360
I´d actually be surprised if the majority of people here don´t function that way at some level, since for many that is the reason they were (consciously or not) searching for someplace to get to socialize without the burdens usually attached to it. Someone who doesn´t feel the "normal" ways of socializing to be burdensome wouldn´t be looking for an outlet, and even if they came across a smaller oasis like this they might not get as attached to the concept and stay because their hunger is already met in other parts of life. Not to say there aren´t any other reasons to appreciate this place (or small comfy chans in general), but I would think it´s a main factor.
Also obv. fifth socially reclusive peep reporting in.
Things haven't progressed any farther with her, but I'm okay with that given the surrounding circumstances. I'm just trying to brave through the rest of the pandemic as best I can, but I hope I'll have the mental energy to return to this kind of thing later. Hopefully with the next academic year!
Sushi, I hope you'll eventually get to a point in your life where you can trust someone else fully, even if there's no romance in that relationship. Deep down, I think we're all chasing that idealized feeling of romance.
I have had alternating periods of hard crushes and feeling nothing since my early teens, which is pretty normal. I've turned down 2 girls and been turned down twice. I kick myself to this day for not asking out my classmate in 8th grade who I really liked, she was super cute and in hindsight was practically throwing rocks signed "i like you" at my head. Live and learn I guess.
My only experience with a relationship was this past fall. I met a girl a couple years older than me online, she initiated and escalated the relationship, and it was the first (and only, so far) I've felt romantic feelings requited at all. It was not a perfect relationship but I was happy for a while. Then she stopped being as responsive, wouldn't respond when I could see she was online gaming. Eventually she called off the relationship and I was really torn up about it for about a month. That ended up kind of costing me our mutual friend group, especially after I found out she started dating the guy she'd been gaming with shortly after. Didn't feel betrayed for long, after that it was just apathy. She messaged me recently and I brushed her off. I don't know if/when I'll have my next relationship, but it will be difficult for me to allow myself to be vulnerable, which was something I had only just learned to start doing with her.
Sorry for writing a novel, but it helps for me to go through the whole story.
I joined a couple of times but nobody was there. This was maybe a year ago? Not sure. It's alright though, I'm pretty fond of my fortress of solitude.>>10360>I am also ready to offer a throw away messenger
I think email would work best. I like the idea of sending infrequent messages here and there, which is another reason why I troll imageboards.
On second thought, maybe I'll reconsider the IRC. >>10367>Why/What do you think it´s selfish though? It´s just a way someone is, it´s not like it´s some intentional behavior.
When people reach out to me I feel it's necessary I reply with the same gesture and reach out to them, especially since they put out the effort to contact me. Typically I don't though, so my contacts naturally drift apart. Regardless if it's my personality or not, I made the decision not to contact them, so I think it's selfish. That's my line of reasoning.>>10807>I don't know if/when I'll have my next relationship, but it will be difficult for me to allow myself to be vulnerable, which was something I had only just learned to start doing with her.
I've never been in a relationship, but I don't think I could imagine being vulnerable to anyone. Enjoyed your post though, sushi.
Don't feel too bad sushi, I've experienced secondhand many times that there are girls that just enjoy getting attention from a whole group of friends at once. She's trash and you're better off than the guy she's dating.
I know, it's hard for me. I'm working on it though and the road is wonky. The sad thing is that I actually would like to love a person and I have a lot to give (at least that's what I think), but I have a weird feeling I might not do that during my earthly time.
Or maybe the time is not right.
I think I might've broke up with my bf I've known for like 7 years but idk yet. Very upset, dunno what I'm doing anymore, what I was working towards or anything.
I feel calm for now, but very lost.
Surprised at the length here, with an OP that details Love in the common portrayal.
An elusive word. Love is horrible. When I use "Love" below, I am using the romantic kind in movies and teenage bathrooms.
The romantic "Love" conditions aren't within our control, at least the common portrayal.
If you have appeals as to why some of us are born ugly or beautiful - that it is the shape of your soul - then sure,
make a mystic appeal as to why some people are unlovable. Maybe their soul is black.
But facts are facts; the ugly don't love.
And if you ever were loved, no matter how pretty of a personality you may have,
it rests upon your beauty. Beauty that is mostly outside of your control.
When do you draw a line between that which is you and that which is not?
When you see the artificial structure romantic "Love" tries to bulldoze into you, and look at gentle memories of those unloved, it seems there are far more interesting things to contemplate. To bestow, things that could be accessible to all.
If you want capital L Love, it can only exist in absence of alluring youth. True platonic love. Lust and love are incompatible.
This isn't to say that I don't wish for some youth, looks, whatever. But the central melancholy is that, if these are the columns by which we live, then we will always lose to those greater than us. To be replaceable. What's the point?
You can see that the appeal of the soul is what you'd hope to distinguish - I'm not sure, I think the lucidity the internet provides can no longer let these thoughts lull us. Love isn't compatible. And the internet shows the curled child. I'm sorry
If you're going for the foundation of these things, it's worth noting that personality and life experiences are shaped by your heritage and genes as much as your physical appearance is. A very plain person might not have had the opportunities in life to find out about their hobbies, travel, or flesh out their way of thinking; yet it's still possible for others to be attracted to them exactly because of the particular personality they have, isn't it? It's the same with beauty. I'm not going to claim it's not a contest, because it is at the core, but there's many opportunities to find happiness. And just like with what you call the "soul", there's opportunities to work on your appearance, because it isn't a fixed thing set in stone.
It might sound lofty to claim you're liking others for what they've achieved rather than what they were given in life, but if you're going against what naturally attracts you (whether in terms of appearance and personality), forcing yourself to look for someone with more "interesting" characteristics, then are you looking for happiness or just intellectual satisfaction?
>>11136>yet it's still possible for others to be attracted to them exactly because of the particular personality they have, isn't it? It's the same with beauty.
You have a point - just is easier for me to write off the possible circumstances in which this could be true. With the level of hive-mindedness many operate on, and how that bakes into you at a fundamental level, which you acknowledge:>but if you're going against what naturally attracts you (whether in terms of appearance and personality)
It just seems the conditions you would have to meet, the likelihood someone likes you, for you, seems near to zero. And liking you, for you - well, what does that mean anyway? You must ask yourself what exactly are you hoping for in some other person, which you ask:>forcing yourself to look for someone with more "interesting" characteristics, then are you looking for happiness or just intellectual satisfaction?
Well, considered me defeated, but no longer do I search for "someone" because there's no adequate answer as to why there needs to be an absolute Other when you pierce the veil of romantic "love." Since romantic "love" still seems to me arbitrary - rigidly obedient to the zeitgeist - that very zeitgeist that impresses itself upon our "natural" order, ourselves… it's just something I no longer care to entertain, since it's buried around "what if's" and the brutality of competition. And the competition is not always relevant to the effort you could put in. Some things you simply cannot provide nor fulfill in beauty, desire of it. Unconditional love is lost, which isn't necessarily something to admonish (why do we deserve anything?), but one must acknowledge that conditions can always be more favorably satisfied with another one, someone other than you. And this isn't something to admonish either when standing as an alone fact - it is only depressing when you realize the competition is contingent on many things, which may be outside of your control. You can't win by effort alone, and to be "settled" for seems to be the most depressing idea.
It's also necessary to clarify that I don't see myself as someone above natural desires or wanting romantic "love" - in fact sometimes I hate the fact I want the very things that the zeitgeist pushes out. Entertaining romantic "love" is trying to appease an endless desire in all of us, which is why there's only melancholy for those that continue to search instead of yield to the fact that it's unsolvable. It only then seems best to not even raise the questions, to not logically render a way in which whoever chose you, chose you because you succeeded, you were successful - no, to preserve your sanity it's probably best to not even bring up such topics. Either you have something, or you don't - and it may fade away, or it won't - and it may mean everything, or not, and it may be genuine, but also forgotten.
All one could hope for is for others who make the world interesting. But you don't need others to that end. Make the world interesting yourself. You could call it intellectual satisfaction if you'd like, but I think "interesting" as a word stands on its own. And it's not necessarily something to burden yourself with, to search for it. Often it seems that you'll stumble into it when you aren't searching. To search is to get stuck from my experience. To search for Happiness - well what do you do once you get it? Searching segments the continuous nature of living. Happiness is another horrible word in my opinion. It is too vague.
In short, no more need for others to accept you, for you. There is only one person who can do that. It's yourself. In many cases romantic "love" acts as a substitutional answer for something far more simple and direct.
I had a friend that used love as their new deity, and anguished to the point of suicide when things didn't work out. It seems often people pray to the deity of Love, to grace them for many different things, but all could be summed up as finding a way to make life interesting again. That's dependent on you.
>>11129>But facts are facts; the ugly don't love.>And if you ever were loved, no matter how pretty of a personality you may have,>it rests upon your beauty. Beauty that is mostly outside of your control.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that literally everyone I've ever met who said something like that has either been an asshole, autistic, insane, or some mix of the three. The reason people on imageboards don't get dates is not that they're ugly; it's that they're the sort of people who use imageboards.
Infatuation isn't love. I think part of the huge divorce rates is the prevalence of this immature concept of love as infatuation, which leads to a death of love. >>11168
is absolutely right in their assessment. If your idea of love is based on the arbitrary legalisms of which incels are so inclined, then what you are after isn't love but a demonic phantasm of it.
Love grows where the binding of hearts does, absent any superficial regards like beauty. Sexy legs last a day, a sexy soul lasts forever. The unbreakable bonds of a true romantic love do not come from a momentary inclination or from an infatuation, but come from the growth of trust and hope that are forged through honesty, truth, and intimacy between two hearts - to fully expose your whole self to a person, and for them to do the same for you. True romantic love is seen in those relationships between a man and woman who in old age have had a happy and rich marriage for the many years they've been together, holding no secrets from each other but knowing and sharing their whole selves with each other so that they might in a way be one flesh. Marriage is a reflection of this true kind of love.
But this love calls to a deeper and more transcendental love that goes above and beyond human expectations, the kind of perfect love that God has for his creation:
"Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend.
I hope that peace and love will be in abundance for every sushi here today and forevermore.
I must just be a broken person because nothing in this thread makes any sense to me. I'd like to have a love but it's all a mystery to me. I thought at one point it would come with time but it never did
almost all of your flings were contingent on their beauty. The personality only factors AFTER they pass that initial test. Sometimes an ugly personality can turn you away, sure - but you would never consider someone who was ugly initially.
If you can type with sincere ardor that you love someone for who they are even if they were attached to a metal lung and drooling out of their mouth, then consider yourself all high and mighty and better than me. Or go ahead and play linguistic games, redefine what love means. Sincerely enjoy your reality, I'm not a part of it, and I could only wish to see things this way.>>11174
Love is a spook, you're fine the way you are. You're only reading the inflatable memories that'll all pass. You're better than everyone here
>>11175>You're better than everyone here
Not nice of you, sushi
I love my bf and when I first met him in meatspace I thought he was kinda ugly tbh. Still love him to bits tho.
I think if I met him somewhere else beforehand, we would've just been friends. But now that I think about it, that's exactly how we were online at first too, just friends. Perhaps it would've ended the same way, with us growing closer and closer over time.
I don't really disagree with you though, it's harder to love and be loved when you're ugly.
>metal lung and drooling
That's more of a disability than just being ugly. You can still put a very sexy person in a metal lung or have them drool disgustingly or something. It could impact a friendship depending on what you want to get out of the friendship. But I think a better example would've been something like someone who's had reconstructive facial surgery or other things that result in facial disfigurements.
>You're better than everyone here
I promise you I'm not, I'm a pathetic person
>>11175> almost all your flings…
I know this guy who is ugly as sin, has a face that's twisted into something resembling a smiling oni. Despite his exterior he is an honest guy. And the dude has a wife (9/10) who cannot stop going on about how great he is.
If beauty were the first and most important factor like internet losers are telling you, then how did this guy get a gf, let alone a wife? There are countless examples out there, like a 4'5" marrying a 6'8". Looks are not the most important factor to dating, and especially not important in long-term committed relationships. Anyone who tells you that you can't get a gf because you don't look like a demigod is a liar.
Short term relationships (flings) are themselves a malicious construct of our hypersexualized culture. You don't need sex to be fulfilled, you don't need a romantic relationship to be happy. Furthermore, pursuing short relationships built around and for sex and sex alone is a foolhardy pursuit. If you want love you pursue a long-term relationship, where the most important factors to getting one is the ability to support, cherish, and trust your partner (and in turn be trustworthy) - in other words to have a beautiful soul. If you want sex and relationships based around how good you look then sure, go to a brothel and have your fill, but you need a beautiful body not a beautiful soul to succeed in those kinds of relationships. Oftentimes the people in this sex-obsessed sphere of relationships have hideous souls, their first concern is their next fix, not the well-being of their partner. They will discard partners like a used rag once the relationship becomes inconvenient for them.
> metal lung
This is less an example of beauty and more an example of disability. A one-sided relationship where one partner gives everything while the other only takes is very undesirable for a long-term relationship, which is why manchildren, playboys, and the severely disabled are not usually able to find those kinds of relationships. I agree that being physically revolting does starve you of a good first impression, but unless you've been disfigured by an acid attack you're unlikely to face any troubles. The only people truly concerned with looks however are the superficial. Incels and manchildren are undesirable for a long-term relationship exactly because they expect the world from their partner while providing absolutely nothing in exchange. A one-sided relationship is a horrible relationship, yet strikingly common for those who only want a relationship for the sake of sex or status. Who that is wise wants to be in a serious relationship with someone who's only defining trait is their passion for video games? This concerns only matters of romantic relationships however, other forms of love do not have concerns for this (like the love of neighbour, familial love, or the love of God).
> so you think you're better than me
No. This isn't a competition and I'm not a good being. I want you to understand that being flawed isn't a problem, and I want you to know about and pursue a truer love that is more meaningful than the kind of "love" you've been taught to seek out. Being loved for and in spite of flaws is one of the hallmarks of this truer love. God loved us enough to die for us while we were still against Him, and he continues to loves us even when we continue to reject Him. His love for us is unconditional, and so is the true kind of love that is worth pursuing.
Look for a woman who loves you for you regardless of what you do and you've found something more precious than all the stars in the heavens.
Sorry for the post if it comes off as uncomfy. I think it's necessary to spell this out, to shatter the illusion that hollywood, incels, playboys, and the depraved continue to perpetuate.>>11179
The best relationships are forged from the bonds of friendship. I wish you both a fruitful relationship that can bear the hardness of life, and that you will both continue to grow in closeness and honesty with each other.
>>11175>love is a spook
Love is an emergent biophysical sensation, I assure you it's very real, even as I push it to the side, try to put it out of mind, it's imprinted it's patterns on me, reminding me of my relation to the world as I dialectally fail to escape it, as I develop further. And work day and night to replace the void fizzling away from love game me. I can feel my mind screaming at me that my body is falling apart, that I'm dying, ringing in my ears with no hearing loss proof positive of my psychosomatic condition. because of vulnerability left by the void, like a cavity and a tooth infection, but it's just gross like exposed organs, dangerous, risks death.
Things are very real, especially when you're confronting death, when you understand this perhaps you'll have the courage or confidence to stop your confused Victor Frankenstein cargo cult interpretations of confused isolated political philosophers who never did anything revolutionary in their entire lives (gee I wonder why) and begin to make strides in developing your stunted growth. Get a wider range of experience.
It's just really sad to see people waving around their reddit tier nihilistic pseudomaterialist bullshit. Like a rotting skunk corpse on a stick, chunks of it's flesh flying off from the inertial force. ">Imagine the smell", as they say. wwwwwwwwwwww
I had a dream where I was together with him, on our way to Where Things Were Happening. A festival, or perhaps a gathering of friends? The specific instance didn't matter. Suddenly, I feel a hand grab mine. I look at him: his cheeks are flushed.
>you can be more intimate when we're together, you know.
The only thought that comes to mind as I stare deep into his eyes is how this is what I've always wanted, being able to feel something and having a relationship where words aren't needed to convey our thoughts.
I lean my face in closer, and so does he. Then I remember, and stop. It's just a dream.
He looks surprised at first, then mellows down into a pained smile. He understands; or rather, I do. Quite funny (in a heart-wrenching way) that I'm the one dismissing my delusions this time when I got rejected in real life.
Tears well up in his eyes, and so do mine. We hug each other and cry our hearts out until I've purged all of those burdensome emotions out.
I wake up. And while I'll never forget about that short period of bliss we had together, I think I'm over it now.
My first love lasted two months. I don't know when the next one will appear, or how long it will last, but I'm looking forward to it.
That was really sweet. I hope you find the your next one soon.
I'd just like to say that I really appreciate your post sushi roll (imo it's the only one with Truth ITT). May God bless you
>imo it's the only one with Truth ITT
Are you calling everyone else a liar in this entire thread?
WTF why would you say such a thing?
That poster actually forgot to say that their post was also truth. Ran straight into the Liar Paradox, didn't even see it coming.
God = Truth, take of that what you will sushi roll>>11232
Two years until wizardom for me.
You can talk to me, I'm flirty sometimes, maybe you can learn how to not act like a sex offender with me.>>11243
Same. My birthday is next week, then it's exactly 2 years from there, except I guess I become a witch instead(?), I'm already a christmas keiki.
same boat friend.>>11244
I'm not that sushi roll but I have the same problem. I feel like every time I talk to a girl I turn into a retard who probably creeps them out, and I just feel constantly judged for being weird. I missed the boat completely on learning how to interact with the opposite sex when I was younger and now I'm paying the price. So uh, can I talk with you as well?
I realized after I posted it that talking to people online is very different to talking irl, so I'm not sure how useful I would actually be to you. We can still talk and be friends if you'd like!
>>11253>I realized after I posted it that talking to people online is very different to talking irl
That's actually true. Women with boobs in front of me and staring right at me turn me into stone, but online I really doubt there could be any issue>We can still talk and be friends if you'd like!
Sure, I'm fine with that
Are you sure you act as bad as you say? I felt like that for a long time too and beat myself constantly up for it. In the end it turned out I just didn't have the luck to encounter a girl that was attracted to me for a long time.
After it happened I also got the courage to ask her what kind of impression I made on her and she said she always thought of me as funny and intelligent. While we got to know each other I have thought countless times that I fucked it up and worried literally about anything I have said and done because I have changed nothing about my behavior and appearance.>>11243
I hope you are not kicking yourself because of it. Just carry on and don't drive yourself insane.>>11244
Is the female virgin experience any different from the male virgin experience?
Anyway I hope you are not getting yourself down because of it either, I have to admit that calling yourself christmas cake is worrisome.
>>11265>Are you sure you act as bad as you say? I felt like that for a long time too and beat myself constantly up for it. In the end it turned out I just didn't have the luck to encounter a girl that was attracted to me for a long time.
I think that mostly happens when I see someone I'd like to be with, but doesn't show any interest for me. If a girl is kinda interested in me, I wouldn't really act that weird because I don't have to worry about making a first impression. The problem is that I'm not that interested in the girls that are interested in me. If the girl is not interested in me and I really would like to be with her, I end up acting and looking like pic related.
I think there was a smiths song based on this topic.
Have you tried improving yourself to end up in the same league as them? Perhaps they will start to get interested in you.
Although it sounds like you are not doing bad already, because some already showed interest in you. Then what was wrong with those that did? Maybe you have simply too much expectations?
>>11269>Have you tried improving yourself to end up in the same league as them?
I am improving myself now, not because of women, but because your body can get really messed up if you don't take care of it>Although it sounds like you are not doing bad already, because some already showed interest in you. Then what was wrong with those that did?
Most of them were in highschool so it was a while ago, but the process that happened was this:>be interested in girl>try to talk to them>we get along>she starts showing interest in me>end up getting interested in someone else
That being said, it's been 3 years since a girl has shown interest in me so I can't say I excel in that subject>Maybe you have simply too much expectations?
I wouldn't say that, though I'll be honest, I was bullied in highschool, so a big part of not getting into any relationship back then was because I was scared that people would bully whoever I was with at the time.
I find talking about this really awkward because it makes me realize that maybe the reason why I'm alone is because I'm the kind of guy that goes for the top and doesn't care about the rest. Or maybe I'm just too much of an asshole, scared of commiting to someone, high standards, etc.
>>11265>Are you sure you act as bad as you say?
Pretty sure. Nobody has ever been interested in me and according to all data I can gather it's not because I'm revoltingly ugly but rather because I'm weird. It might be because of my virgin status or age or shyness or emotional-ness or hobbies or mannerisms or lack of a lucrative career, but that hasn't stopped other people who can have "confidence". I guess some of it might just be insecurity though. I've been on dating apps before but I almost never message anybody because I consider it a forgone conclusion that even if I trick someone into thinking I'm normal and desirable it'll all fall apart once it comes out that I'm a depressed virgin with anime figures. Who knows man.
Good to hear that you take care of your body, this can also help you too in that regard. Even though you don't do it because of women and that is honestly even better. You should take good care of yourself, no matter what, else you just ruin your health.
Strange that you just suddenly have an interest for someone else but according to that you can talk just fine to a girl that interests you?
This was very considerate of you to not drag someone else into this, unfortunately we will never know if a potential girlfriend would have suffered too or not.
My condolences for being bullied though, I experienced the same and it can severely damage your mental health, hopefully you recovered.
I think you should ask yourself that questions and reflect closely. Self-awareness helps a lot to better yourself and to gain more control about yourself.>>11272
Sounds to me that you just didn't find someone you click with yet. Perhaps you can improve too? You mentioned insecurity.
Dating apps are awful anyway, so don't worry about that, anybody bullshits everybody in some way there. I hope you are doing something against your depression though, I have been there and it can ruin everything if left unchecked.>>11271
I don't want to be rude but can you please not joke around like that?
In my humble opinion it is very precious that some dare to say that they are female on an imageboard. It shows how welcoming, comfy and overall quality an imageboard is. Usually shit hits the fan if something like that comes out.
I've found that acting aloof to someone you used to care about a lot that won't just reciprocate your feelings can take things to a whole another direction. They stop taking you for granted. At least this has been my experience and how I started dating with a certain someone I used to have a crush on.
Well, of course, since our relationship wasn't established on a healthy foundation, in hindsight I can say that it was doomed from the beginning anyway. This wasn't apparent to me at the time, I was sort of on a high that I got a significant other, and as with any other inexperienced, ill-fated teenager out there, I've made many mistakes. Feelings of inadequacy seeing them having more fun with their group of friends, emerging feelings of envy out of it, and the inevitable arguments led our relationship to doom.
As you can imagine, it didn't really last long, and at the span of a couple of months I've went from feeling like I was the happiest person on Earth to most unfortunate. It's a weird feeling, how you can see the same person under such a different light in such a short amount of time. Me and them, both.
I kind of started hating myself after this, it has been years already but I guess I'm still not over it. For the most part, I'm blaming myself. They messaged me a couple of months ago, from a different number since I blocked the first one many years ago, but I didn't really know how to reconcile my feelings so I blocked them again. I guess I'm still afraid, afraid of most people. I don't know how to fix this either.
>>11277>Sounds to me that you just didn't find someone you click with yet.
Well I'm kinda running out of time (at least for things like having kids) and it hasn't happened yet. Doesn't mean it won't and of course it's possible to date someone younger, but it's not promising for me.>You mentioned insecurity.
Well it's hard not to be insecure when I'm as old as I am and have as many issues as I do. But of course nobody finds insecurity attractive so it's something I have to find out how to kill.> I hope you are doing something against your depression though, I have been there and it can ruin everything if left unchecked.
I think it's already ruined a lot, too much maybe. I started seeing a psychologist recently though, and I do want to improve in that area, which is something I can't say has always been true.
>>11277>Strange that you just suddenly have an interest for someone else but according to that you can talk just fine to a girl that interests you?
That was like 7 years ago, I changed a lot with time. Let's say I "respect" a woman's space too much and don't want to bother them now, else I become creepy like I said before.
It also doesn't help that wherever I go there are either no women, or they're all taken, makes interacting with one frustrating.
most of the time its one sided and the ones it wasn't I got cheated on
good luck sushi roll
Thank you, sushi.
No answer until now, unfortunately her Facebook is the only thing I have found and it's very inactive too… Good chances that she never reads it or in a year or something.
keep us updated if something comes out of it
>>11453>she mentioned that reading a book of love letters between two female authors, which I gave her…for Valentine's Day .. ,.. made her want a relationship with another woman
This made my laugh, sorry about that sushi.
At least it didn't evolve into something nasty, take care of yourself now. Sushi is always there for you.
I'm pretty drunk but at this point I think I've accepted I'm just not suited for this love stuff. Or sex, or whatever. I guess I could probably keep trying but for various reasons I just feel like its all so hopeless. I just wanna be free of this desire entirely.
Oh my god, sushis. It happened to me. It happened to me. A girl confessed to me today. We've known each other for years but didn't make any advances because we were in a work-adjacent environment where dating was a no-go. But holy shit, I didn't know it was mutual. I might shed a tear, I'm ecstatic.
Generally falling in love is one sided. This has been my experience. Either the person you're in love with, doesn't love you at all, or not as much. I have been on both sides of the equation, mostly on the wrong side…lol. In my experience functional relationships are when both sides love each other, but the female side is more in love with the husband. The ratio cannot be too large though, or jealousy etc occurs. If I could talk to my angst ridden youth I would tell him that ll those girls you're fretting about are into guys who don't care much about them, and you need to stop wasting your life crying (literally) about women who don't care about you. The best you can do in your youth, as a guy, is to work on yourself. It is a terrible, lonely, but it is all you can do. You can settle for someone early on, but I do not recommend settling early as a guy.
Early 30's M.
That sounds magical. Good luck to the two of you.
Havent felt it since highschool and worried I will never feel it again. Im not sure it actually exists, but the illusion is valuable.
>>11726>Im not sure it actually exists
why do people say these things? especially when you've already stated you've experienced the feeling in high school.
it invalidates the feelings of everyone else who has experienced it. or have i just been imagining the pain of losing of my bf all this time?
i can barely function anymore, and i would've preferred to have never loved at all.
I need love advice sushis.
Maybe some days ago I was at the subway waiting for the train, and this super cute chick came by, and then walked around, and then she walked by me again while making a small thumbs up (I was going to record playing some music, so I was dressed quite sharply, and was all hyped humming my stuff a bit, no idea if it was a thumbs up to either?), then goes and waits for the train.
Then train comes, and we wait at the same pair of doors to enter, and for some reason my heart feels brave for a few seconds and I sit down in the island of seats next to hers, so we're sitting just couldnt have been more than 20 inches apart. I was pondering if I should ask her out for coffee or something, but I've never done something like that before. So I'm just giving her glances here and there, and she doesnt seem to be uncomfortable about it. Decide, if she gets off same station, I'm asking her. She gets off station right before me, she walks to a pair of doors further down, but right before she gets off she looks back at me, meets my eyes for a while, then gets off.
She was so damn pretty.
Would it be creepy/weird to wait out at the station she got off someday around the time she was traveling, to see if chance lets me onto her again, to actually ask this time?
This stuff doesnt happen to people like me, I'm a background char, I shouldn't be getting this kind of attention, I'm almost wondering if I'm just going crazy and misreading something, or something
>>11825>Would it be creepy/weird to wait out at the station she got off someday around the time she was traveling, to see if chance lets me onto her again, to actually ask this time?
I think as long as you make up some other excuse to visit the area and go about it in a chill way, it wouldn't be too creepy. Find something nearby the station that seems neat (restaurant, store, whatever) go there and kill some time before the time you plan to wait at the station. That way if you don't run into her you can say "hey at least I checked out that place and treated myself to some nice food/etc", and if you do run into her, you have an excuse as to why you're in the area.
Another decent option might be one of those "missed connections" posts - if your area has craigslist/another site that has a missed connections section, you could post there and describe the situation (mention location, what happened, what you were wearing, and maybe a question like "what stop did you get off at" to filter out any weirdos). Admittedly, the missed connections section is mostly filled with old people being really horny about random encounters, but it couldn't hurt to post if this person ends up checking there.
Most importantly, if you strike up a conversation with her and find that she doesn't seem that interested in a date, respect that and move on. Nonverbal conversation can be really easy to misinterpret, I've definitely misunderstood stuff and ran into awkward situations.. happens to everyone!
also background character/main character stuff is silly, pls don't assign your self worth to that sort of thing
I’ve finally given up on love. I’m a hopeless romantic but this stuff is unrealistic, time to walk on the ground. There’s lots of stuff in life and I’m used to being on my own, it’ll be alright. Just gotta keep being humble.
that's nice. i'm glad things worked out for you.
i tried that before, for like 10 or 11 years now (or maybe 12 years i suppose?). i focused on my projects instead and put my self-worth in those, in the things i did and achieved. but then i failed at all of them. then i focused on a relationship and I lost the only person that loved me, the person that knew me best, that knew me for 8 years, and now I'm too old to form such a meaningful new relationship, anything of the same calibre.
I'm now a complete failure at all the things i sunk my heart into and i cannot recover. I'm not 21 anymore, I'm not as sociable as i once was, it's hard for me to talk and now i have all this additional history and baggage that a new partner just wouldn't want to deal with. if it took me almost 10 years to form that relationship while i was in my prime and most socially active, it'd take 20 years to do it starting now. I'll be a 50 year old grumpy ugly failure and I've simply lost all hope.
hope it works out for you. just don't fuck up like i did, okay?
I mean, hey, I have no idea what the future holds. 10 years feels like such a long time from now, I'm still pretty young. Even if my short-sighted plan only keeps me happy for a few years, well hey, that's a few years I get to enjoy. I'll take what I can get, and I'll figure the rest out when I get there. I'm feeling hopeful, and I want to do something with that hope for however long I have it.
Even if you've lost hope, there could be good things in store for you, oldie. I work with a guy who just turned 50 this year. Single as ever, but he doesn't mind. He goes on roadtrips around the country, hikes in the mountains visits museums, spends extraordinary amounts of money on fireworks, goes to rock and roll concerts, and is just living it up like he's still 20. He may be a "failure" because he dropped out of college, works a low-income job, has no kids, and lives with family, but dammit he's enjoying his life. I hope that you can learn to do the same, even if your plans don't work out.
thanks for the insight kiddo, it's nice that he can enjoy those things alone, he probably has irl frens and also lots of money. i don't enjoy many things at all anymore and I have very little expendable income. some people are okay with being alone, and I'm just not one of them, not anymore.
Update on this. After I got past my initial elation, I realized that a romantic relationship wasn’t what I wanted… it’s hard to parse, I was genuinely happy that I was confessed to. We never did anything but hold hands, but… we were friends throughout high school, and I got so used to being friends. My friends, her included, were finally the constants in my life I got after wanting friends and normalcy for so long, and I cherish all of them more than anything. I’m about to go off to college and am experiencing a lot of changes in my life. I just didn’t know I wasn’t prepared to cast another emotional variable into that mix. The concept of the intricacy and difficulty of an LDR also intimidated me a lot given that I’ve never had a relationship. What I really needed, badly, was my friends. The timing on this ended up being very bad.
We’re leaving the relationship amicably and are going to continue to be friends but I still made her sad by putting her through this roller coaster and that’s what makes my heart ache. Not ending the relationship. That’s how I know it was the right decision. I feel relieved that we’re friends again but sad about the emotional difficulty of this stuff.
Never underestimate the importance of platonic relationships, sushis.