I guess I had one time I still can't forget her but I just think on her sometimes. She's from another state and I guess it's better like this because I will not fall in love and do dumb things.
Though it I don't even think in entering in relationships.
I don't know if it's a manifestation of trauma or closing myself off, but I haven't been infatuated, really infatuated with someone, in years.
Since my abusive relationship.
They say abusive relationships
imprint you in that way;
>Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.
The strong rushes of emotions you get from abusive relationships, the constant loop of dopamine rushes, periodically losing something and getting it back, the arguments that I think even excited me deep down, but I feel bad because I don't feel genuinely passionate about anyone ever sense.
I can't tell if it's because I'm unconsciously looking for abuse as I associate it with "love", or I'm just really closed off now.
I have problems with dissociation too, maybe that's why.
I have a boyfriend that I genuinely love to death, but I don't feel passion or excitement. I love kissing him, but it's mere pecks on the lips and, half-hearted "love you's," and it's nice, but I don't feel the deep lusty urge to jump his bones, and never have. Is that normal…?
I used to go on dates with people, just to force myself, because I'd feel bad when people would show me a lot of affection, but I didn't return it. I realize it's wrong now; people deserve to have someone who is just as passionate as they are.
I just wish I could look at someone and feel that RUSH. I don't want to ever be fighting with someone all the time, I don't wanna hurt again, but I guess part of me craves excitement in favor of comfort, but I try to ignore it because I love my boyfriend, and know he's good for me. I would never cheat, but I do fantasize/daydream about a more exciting relationships, like with fictional characters and stuff.
Also, forgot to mention that I will turn 19 in this year and I never dated, I guess I'm fine with it until now.
I rarely had crushes on anyone, but I downloaded tiktok and there's so many beautiful people it's ridiculous.
Don't get fooled by angles and filters. It's fine to enjoy but don't think they are any realer than anime girls.
There's a lot of that for sure. But even ignoring looks, there's a lot of interesting personalities about. Not to mention that looking good on camera is an impressive skill in itself.
Hey me too
Except they already turned me down but still wanted to be friends. I don't know if they'll even reply or if this is even a good idea, but I've never even had a female friend before so if I can at least do that it would progress.
It's been a while, but did they respond?
People in relationships make me sad and angry
Yes I am a bitter loser
When this pandemic is over I'm going to try and look for someone. I don't want to live my life without even trying once. At the very least, I want to get rejected instead of being scared of getting rejected. I've decided, sushi! I'll check back on this thread in a few years time and see where I land.
Hi, do you wanna be my bf/gf/f?
where does one find someone like oneself, if one is on a separate direction from the rest of humanity? i want my children and their children and so on to split off into a separate species and not get reabsorbed into the aimless mass of humanity.
You need to start a doom sex cult and base it in the middle of nowhere. You could do it in that terra nullius between Egypt and Sudan I think (Bir Tawil), otherwise cults like that usually get dissolved by law enforcement.
>>9818>i want my children and their children and so on to split off into a separate species and not get reabsorbed into the aimless mass of humanity.
Why do you want children? Serious question. It sounds like you have disdain for humans, or at least humans unlike yourself. If so, why create more humans? Remember that your children might not turn out to share your misanthropic temperament. They might not resemble you (mentally, that is) at all. Why not just live out your life as best you can, and let that be the end of your lineage?
quality advice: doom sex cult in space it is. perhaps a training ground first to prepare, like antarctica, though the sahara also fits the bill.>>9826
sure failure is an option. my offspring may be too different from me, or they might reintegrate and all differences smeared out over time. but I will try anyway. humanity needs competition.
what is love if not a mechanism for speciation? only lust is needed for species propagation and selection; love is for segregating out similar variants within a larger population.
Sure I'll be your friend
I've had crushes on people in middle school, but I learned quickly no one could crush on me. Now I'm jaded.
You aren't alone there. Let's both hope sushi rolls weird cult works out and maybe we can have cute alien wives.
People have all kinds of tastes so it's very possible you've been crushed on without realizing. I'm very fat and stinky and it still happens to me every now and then.
It took my bf 10 years to break his social anxiety and hikki behaviour only just barely
enough to finally see me. I think you're doing well and you certainly could've lost more time and had it worse. So don't feel too bad about it, you're still young and have lots more time for cuddling ahead of you.
Through elementary/middle school and early high school a lot of different people had crushes on me and some even confessed, but I couldn't reciprocate any of their feelings. I felt like a monster, I just didn't understand what they felt about me. I finally figured out I was a lesbian when one of my friends got into a relationship and then I realized I was jealous. Funny how that stuff happens.
Someone in my class I'd actually be comfortable dating suddenly started hitting on me (virtually), but I haven't been able to reciprocate because I don't know how to flirt and starting a relationship during COVID and right before moving away for college is a terrible idea. I'm going to have to figure all of this out – crushes, love, dating, etc, in my adult life, and I hope it doesn't end up biting me in the ass.
Honestly, I just want to see my friends again!!
Yeah but how else am I supposed to meet girls. I hate social places when everyone there are strangers to me.
Not really an option sadly, I don't have any terribly social friends and my family certainly doesn't know anyone my age and single. It's probably for the best, girls are weird and scary.
>>10168>girls are weird and scary
Unlike cute boys!!
I don't find boys cute though
An update on this, almost two years later.
A couple months after making that post, I met someone online that would quickly grow to become the first person I could actually call a best friend. We were close in age, similar in personality, were into pretty much exactly the same hobbies, and each of us just had a great time talking to the other. I guess it also helped that we both had some rough periods IRL? Discussing those kind of problems together made us grow closer.
It was a very gradual thing, but sometime in the last 6 months, they became the most important person to me. I was constantly on the lookout for each of their messages, we started telling each other good morning and good night every day, and they were just constantly on my mind. Mind you, I didn't realize yet that this could be love
, as it wasn't something I'd ever experienced before. Plus, he's a boy, and while gender wasn't something I particularly cared about, my expectations were still leaning towards dating a girl at the time if it ever happened (though I wasn't actively looking).
Fast forward to this Christmas. Physically, I was spending it with family, but mentally, I was with him. A series of irl events + stress of exams made me completely shut down any thoughts of the future during the holiday break, so it felt like I was in a cozy bubble with him, each day bringing tons of fun with it.
The day after Christmas, I was browsing through an imageboard when I read a post from a day before, asking for advice on falling in love and wishing that person felt the same way. It was very vague, but I had some kind of hunch.
I asked if it was them. They said yes, and apologized for everything and said hoped I could forgive them, but my mind just went blank at that point as the dots started connecting in my head.
I tried going to bed, but couldn't sleep at all – my heart was beating way too fast, and for the first time, I understood what "butterflies in your stomach" actually felt like. It was almost scary, you know? That rush of physical sensations and symptoms was the only thing left for me to realize this was actually love, and they haven't stopped since.
I proceeded to type out what I said in this post and sent that to them at 3am, and I guess that was the point when we started dating. It only got better after that, and we're meeting up as soon as IRL hurdles preventing that are done with.
To all the sushis that haven't found love yet, don't lose hope: it may come from the places you least expect it. And it is absolutely amazing.
How cute and unexpected! I am happy for you, sushi! Hope you don't run into trouble because you are both guys. My father would kill me.
I'm a few thousand kms away from the bulk of my family, including parents, so that's not an immediate worry for me right now. But yeah, I'll have to tell them at some point when we begin the lifestyle arrangements… I'm not looking forward to that moment, though I think they will be disappointed/shocked more than angry.
Honestly, I'll probably keep it secret except for a select few people (parents and some cousins), since most of my family is quite religious.
Ah sushi I'm really happy for you! Your story kinda gives me hope too since I have online friends now.
This warms my heart. I wish the two of you have a wonderful life.
I really don't know how to feel about love and even friendship. I somehow want it but people and life is just so bothersome. I enjoy being alone but sometimes I get the urge to talk to people, to see traces of their life, to hear about what they do, how they feel, how they think of things, to discover new stuff. I guess this is why I browse image boards. As soon as I get outside of image boards it gets very quickly very tiresome. Maintaining a conversation, building a relationship, a friendship, discussing things, compromise, don't even get me started on meeting irl and do stuff. On image boards I browse when I want, how long I want, participate when I want, leave when I want. Else it just drives me nuts, no matter if a forum with private messages, discord with chat, irl with phone calls or Whatsapp, at family meetings, work.
While I do miss some things from love and also from friendship I dread what it takes to get a friend or a partner, same goes for maintaining the bond to each other. Like I said I enjoy being alone so I don't bother with both, only sometimes I feel a little bit shitty because I have no love nor friendship but I passes after a day.
Only a week ago somebody on Myanimelist started to send me private messages and I wrote back, happy to talk to somebody, especially because they are from the same country, which is very rare. After a few days it already became a drag, that person did nothing wrong, I actually like that person but I just don't want to talk, it's such a bother.
Well I just read it again before posting and it sounds autistic as fuck, but that's how I feel. I am always so overjoyed when I meet somebody and burn out after a few days… Now I feel sorry for so many people I knew on the Internet, people wo reached out to me, people I actually liked. Nowadays I am alone on the Internet and irl, which is understandable but mostly doesn't even bother me, although sometimes it does.
I feel the same way, sushi. I don't know what else to add because you've summarized it well. It gets lonely sometimes, but there are other times when I'm thankful I don't have to attend to other people.
Is it unbearably selfish? I think so. But, that's how I operate, and I know I'll continue to do so.
Thank you for your post, sushi. It made me happy to hear that someone out there feels the same way.
I think too that this is selfish and I feel bad about it now and then but I guess it's better to endure it as to reach out and annoy oneself and maybe even hurt somebody again. I try to be kinder but it's hard, my social battery is as low as low gets. Maybe two likeminded people like us would get along?
I think we would get along. Unfortunately, I don't think we would talk that often. I end up losing contact with other people pretty fast because it's hard to keep a conversation going for several days/months/years. I rarely DM my in real life friends once a month even.
I don't want to waste anybody's time and effort. At the very least though, I'll reply to this thread here and there if you want to keep contact.
Try joining the sushi irc? That way all you have to do is turn on an irc client with your computer and chime in when you feel like it, but you can still hang out and be friends because you can see who's online.
I don't think the purpose would be to talk often, rather to have somebody who actually understands the issue and feels the same way. We both don't want to be flooded anyway.
I like your offer, but I don't know if we should use this thread for it. Maybe the contact thread would be more fitting? Or maybe creating a new thread for it? I am also ready to offer a throw away messenger, for easier reaching out when the need/urge arises.>>10352
This makes 3 already, I didn't expect that. I know very well what you mean with the deeper bond that goes beyond sushi rollymity, this is why I suggested the other sushi a messenger besides this board. I gladly do the same to you too. Perhaps we could even make a small group for it?
Then make it four. I enjoy talking to someone. but sometimes I just don't want to talk 1 on 1.
Things like Discord servers or IRC I am totally fine with because it's not just me with someone alone. I can add to an ongoing conversation if I want to and that's totally fine.
It takes alot to get me to actually start talking 1 on 1 at anytime. I'm awfully reserved and introverted for that. But talking thru text makes it easier.
It's probably not the same level as all of you, but the sentiment is shared and understood and that's what counts.
I like your idea in your post. For now, I guess I can start hanging around in the sushi IRC. A Messenger group sounds comfy too.
Why/What do you think it´s selfish though? It´s just a way someone is, it´s not like it´s some intentional behavior.
If it´s about that you drop people without telling them, it´s mostly just about knowing yourself and being respectful by telling new people early just short form about how you don´t tend to keep in touch with people, and keeping in mind that the expectation might be just that, all in your mind. A nice conversation isn´t a social contract of being BFFs for the rest of time, it can just be a nice thing in itself.>>10360
I´d actually be surprised if the majority of people here don´t function that way at some level, since for many that is the reason they were (consciously or not) searching for someplace to get to socialize without the burdens usually attached to it. Someone who doesn´t feel the "normal" ways of socializing to be burdensome wouldn´t be looking for an outlet, and even if they came across a smaller oasis like this they might not get as attached to the concept and stay because their hunger is already met in other parts of life. Not to say there aren´t any other reasons to appreciate this place (or small comfy chans in general), but I would think it´s a main factor.
Also obv. fifth socially reclusive peep reporting in.