/lounge/ - sushi social

>>11175
> almost all your flings…
I know this guy who is ugly as sin, has a face that's twisted into something resembling a smiling oni. Despite his exterior he is an honest guy. And the dude has a wife (9/10) who cannot stop going on about how great he is.

If beauty were the first and most important factor like internet losers are telling you, then how did this guy get a gf, let alone a wife? There are countless examples out there, like a 4'5" marrying a 6'8". Looks are not the most important factor to dating, and especially not important in long-term committed relationships. Anyone who tells you that you can't get a gf because you don't look like a demigod is a liar.

Short term relationships (flings) are themselves a malicious construct of our hypersexualized culture. You don't need sex to be fulfilled, you don't need a romantic relationship to be happy. Furthermore, pursuing short relationships built around and for sex and sex alone is a foolhardy pursuit. If you want love you pursue a long-term relationship, where the most important factors to getting one is the ability to support, cherish, and trust your partner (and in turn be trustworthy) - in other words to have a beautiful soul. If you want sex and relationships based around how good you look then sure, go to a brothel and have your fill, but you need a beautiful body not a beautiful soul to succeed in those kinds of relationships. Oftentimes the people in this sex-obsessed sphere of relationships have hideous souls, their first concern is their next fix, not the well-being of their partner. They will discard partners like a used rag once the relationship becomes inconvenient for them.

> metal lung
This is less an example of beauty and more an example of disability. A one-sided relationship where one partner gives everything while the other only takes is very undesirable for a long-term relationship, which is why manchildren, playboys, and the severely disabled are not usually able to find those kinds of relationships. I agree that being physically revolting does starve you of a good first impression, but unless you've been disfigured by an acid attack you're unlikely to face any troubles. The only people truly concerned with looks however are the superficial. Incels and manchildren are undesirable for a long-term relationship exactly because they expect the world from their partner while providing absolutely nothing in exchange. A one-sided relationship is a horrible relationship, yet strikingly common for those who only want a relationship for the sake of sex or status. Who that is wise wants to be in a serious relationship with someone who's only defining trait is their passion for video games? This concerns only matters of romantic relationships however, other forms of love do not have concerns for this (like the love of neighbour, familial love, or the love of God).

> so you think you're better than me
No. This isn't a competition and I'm not a good being. I want you to understand that being flawed isn't a problem, and I want you to know about and pursue a truer love that is more meaningful than the kind of "love" you've been taught to seek out. Being loved for and in spite of flaws is one of the hallmarks of this truer love. God loved us enough to die for us while we were still against Him, and he continues to loves us even when we continue to reject Him. His love for us is unconditional, and so is the true kind of love that is worth pursuing.
Look for a woman who loves you for you regardless of what you do and you've found something more precious than all the stars in the heavens.

Sorry for the post if it comes off as uncomfy. I think it's necessary to spell this out, to shatter the illusion that hollywood, incels, playboys, and the depraved continue to perpetuate.

>>11179
The best relationships are forged from the bonds of friendship. I wish you both a fruitful relationship that can bear the hardness of life, and that you will both continue to grow in closeness and honesty with each other.

>>5384
You have no idea how much I miss you. Listening to this while cruising through the dirt, or on the roads en route to buy supplies in town or do some errand. I don't think I'll ever forget your smile. You know who I am. I'm so sorry for doing this to ourselves, but I feel it's too late now. You'd never take me back, I know that deep inside my heart. I'd give anything to hug you, to kiss your forehead like I used to, to comfort you and let you know everything is going to be alright, but to be honest I think I'm the one who needs that right now. And I've lost that, and it's all my fault for not being able to handle the good as much as the bad. I'm so so sorry. But I want you to be happy, I want the best for you. And I don't want to be an impediment for that. You made me into who I am. J, you made me happy.

>>11175
>love is a spook
Love is an emergent biophysical sensation, I assure you it's very real, even as I push it to the side, try to put it out of mind, it's imprinted it's patterns on me, reminding me of my relation to the world as I dialectally fail to escape it, as I develop further. And work day and night to replace the void fizzling away from love game me. I can feel my mind screaming at me that my body is falling apart, that I'm dying, ringing in my ears with no hearing loss proof positive of my psychosomatic condition. because of vulnerability left by the void, like a cavity and a tooth infection, but it's just gross like exposed organs, dangerous, risks death.

Things are very real, especially when you're confronting death, when you understand this perhaps you'll have the courage or confidence to stop your confused Victor Frankenstein cargo cult interpretations of confused isolated political philosophers who never did anything revolutionary in their entire lives (gee I wonder why) and begin to make strides in developing your stunted growth. Get a wider range of experience.

It's just really sad to see people waving around their reddit tier nihilistic pseudomaterialist bullshit. Like a rotting skunk corpse on a stick, chunks of it's flesh flying off from the inertial force. ">Imagine the smell", as they say. wwwwwwwwwwww

>>11168
>The reason people on imageboards don't get dates is not that they're ugly; it's that they're the sort of people who use imageboards.
ow! too close to home! DD:

I had a dream where I was together with him, on our way to Where Things Were Happening. A festival, or perhaps a gathering of friends? The specific instance didn't matter. Suddenly, I feel a hand grab mine. I look at him: his cheeks are flushed.
>you can be more intimate when we're together, you know.
The only thought that comes to mind as I stare deep into his eyes is how this is what I've always wanted, being able to feel something and having a relationship where words aren't needed to convey our thoughts.
I lean my face in closer, and so does he. Then I remember, and stop. It's just a dream.
He looks surprised at first, then mellows down into a pained smile. He understands; or rather, I do. Quite funny (in a heart-wrenching way) that I'm the one dismissing my delusions this time when I got rejected in real life.
Tears well up in his eyes, and so do mine. We hug each other and cry our hearts out until I've purged all of those burdensome emotions out.

I wake up. And while I'll never forget about that short period of bliss we had together, I think I'm over it now.
My first love lasted two months. I don't know when the next one will appear, or how long it will last, but I'm looking forward to it.

>>11216
That was really sweet. I hope you find the your next one soon.

I'm a virgin, but through my life, there were 7 chances of getting a gf.
My best guess is that at the time I was interested on someone else or sometimes I felt I couldn't talk to some people, I only use the high standards excuse for people I didn't want to be with.
Just as of late I started thinking about this small girl I could have been with, she seemed so kind and endearing and a nice person to hang around with.
Now I feel like I'm completely disgusting, I can't talk to women without acting like a sexual offender, and the kind of woman I'd like to be with now seems out of my reach.
Doesn't help that the places on the internet I can lurk on are getting smaller and smaller, just having someone to talk to and be intimate with would mean a lot

>>11188
I'd just like to say that I really appreciate your post sushi roll (imo it's the only one with Truth ITT). May God bless you

>imo it's the only one with Truth ITT
Are you calling everyone else a liar in this entire thread?
WTF why would you say such a thing?

UH-OH!

>>11230
That poster actually forgot to say that their post was also truth. Ran straight into the Liar Paradox, didn't even see it coming.

>>11230
God = Truth, take of that what you will sushi roll
>>11232
kek

Two years until wizardom for me.

>>11227
You can talk to me, I'm flirty sometimes, maybe you can learn how to not act like a sex offender with me.

>>11243
Same. My birthday is next week, then it's exactly 2 years from there, except I guess I become a witch instead(?), I'm already a christmas keiki.

>>11243
same boat friend.
>>11244
I'm not that sushi roll but I have the same problem. I feel like every time I talk to a girl I turn into a retard who probably creeps them out, and I just feel constantly judged for being weird. I missed the boat completely on learning how to interact with the opposite sex when I was younger and now I'm paying the price. So uh, can I talk with you as well?

>>11246
>>11251
I realized after I posted it that talking to people online is very different to talking irl, so I'm not sure how useful I would actually be to you. We can still talk and be friends if you'd like!

>>11253
>I realized after I posted it that talking to people online is very different to talking irl
That's actually true. Women with boobs in front of me and staring right at me turn me into stone, but online I really doubt there could be any issue
>We can still talk and be friends if you'd like!
Sure, I'm fine with that

>>11227
>>11246
Are you sure you act as bad as you say? I felt like that for a long time too and beat myself constantly up for it. In the end it turned out I just didn't have the luck to encounter a girl that was attracted to me for a long time.
After it happened I also got the courage to ask her what kind of impression I made on her and she said she always thought of me as funny and intelligent. While we got to know each other I have thought countless times that I fucked it up and worried literally about anything I have said and done because I have changed nothing about my behavior and appearance.
>>11243
I hope you are not kicking yourself because of it. Just carry on and don't drive yourself insane.
>>11244
Is the female virgin experience any different from the male virgin experience?
Anyway I hope you are not getting yourself down because of it either, I have to admit that calling yourself christmas cake is worrisome.

>>11265
>Are you sure you act as bad as you say? I felt like that for a long time too and beat myself constantly up for it. In the end it turned out I just didn't have the luck to encounter a girl that was attracted to me for a long time.
I think that mostly happens when I see someone I'd like to be with, but doesn't show any interest for me. If a girl is kinda interested in me, I wouldn't really act that weird because I don't have to worry about making a first impression. The problem is that I'm not that interested in the girls that are interested in me. If the girl is not interested in me and I really would like to be with her, I end up acting and looking like pic related.
I think there was a smiths song based on this topic.

>>11266
Have you tried improving yourself to end up in the same league as them? Perhaps they will start to get interested in you.
Although it sounds like you are not doing bad already, because some already showed interest in you. Then what was wrong with those that did? Maybe you have simply too much expectations?

>>11269
>Have you tried improving yourself to end up in the same league as them?
I am improving myself now, not because of women, but because your body can get really messed up if you don't take care of it
>Although it sounds like you are not doing bad already, because some already showed interest in you. Then what was wrong with those that did?
Most of them were in highschool so it was a while ago, but the process that happened was this:
>be interested in girl
>try to talk to them
>we get along
>she starts showing interest in me
>end up getting interested in someone else
That being said, it's been 3 years since a girl has shown interest in me so I can't say I excel in that subject
>Maybe you have simply too much expectations?
I wouldn't say that, though I'll be honest, I was bullied in highschool, so a big part of not getting into any relationship back then was because I was scared that people would bully whoever I was with at the time.
I find talking about this really awkward because it makes me realize that maybe the reason why I'm alone is because I'm the kind of guy that goes for the top and doesn't care about the rest. Or maybe I'm just too much of an asshole, scared of commiting to someone, high standards, etc.

>>11244
We have to ratify this issue immediately. Tell me where you live so I may personally assist you.

>>11265
>Are you sure you act as bad as you say?
Pretty sure. Nobody has ever been interested in me and according to all data I can gather it's not because I'm revoltingly ugly but rather because I'm weird. It might be because of my virgin status or age or shyness or emotional-ness or hobbies or mannerisms or lack of a lucrative career, but that hasn't stopped other people who can have "confidence". I guess some of it might just be insecurity though. I've been on dating apps before but I almost never message anybody because I consider it a forgone conclusion that even if I trick someone into thinking I'm normal and desirable it'll all fall apart once it comes out that I'm a depressed virgin with anime figures. Who knows man.

>>11270
Good to hear that you take care of your body, this can also help you too in that regard. Even though you don't do it because of women and that is honestly even better. You should take good care of yourself, no matter what, else you just ruin your health.
Strange that you just suddenly have an interest for someone else but according to that you can talk just fine to a girl that interests you?
This was very considerate of you to not drag someone else into this, unfortunately we will never know if a potential girlfriend would have suffered too or not.
My condolences for being bullied though, I experienced the same and it can severely damage your mental health, hopefully you recovered.
I think you should ask yourself that questions and reflect closely. Self-awareness helps a lot to better yourself and to gain more control about yourself.
>>11272
Sounds to me that you just didn't find someone you click with yet. Perhaps you can improve too? You mentioned insecurity.
Dating apps are awful anyway, so don't worry about that, anybody bullshits everybody in some way there. I hope you are doing something against your depression though, I have been there and it can ruin everything if left unchecked.
>>11271
I don't want to be rude but can you please not joke around like that?
In my humble opinion it is very precious that some dare to say that they are female on an imageboard. It shows how welcoming, comfy and overall quality an imageboard is. Usually shit hits the fan if something like that comes out.

I've found that acting aloof to someone you used to care about a lot that won't just reciprocate your feelings can take things to a whole another direction. They stop taking you for granted. At least this has been my experience and how I started dating with a certain someone I used to have a crush on.

Well, of course, since our relationship wasn't established on a healthy foundation, in hindsight I can say that it was doomed from the beginning anyway. This wasn't apparent to me at the time, I was sort of on a high that I got a significant other, and as with any other inexperienced, ill-fated teenager out there, I've made many mistakes. Feelings of inadequacy seeing them having more fun with their group of friends, emerging feelings of envy out of it, and the inevitable arguments led our relationship to doom.

As you can imagine, it didn't really last long, and at the span of a couple of months I've went from feeling like I was the happiest person on Earth to most unfortunate. It's a weird feeling, how you can see the same person under such a different light in such a short amount of time. Me and them, both.

I kind of started hating myself after this, it has been years already but I guess I'm still not over it. For the most part, I'm blaming myself. They messaged me a couple of months ago, from a different number since I blocked the first one many years ago, but I didn't really know how to reconcile my feelings so I blocked them again. I guess I'm still afraid, afraid of most people. I don't know how to fix this either.

>>11277
>Sounds to me that you just didn't find someone you click with yet.
Well I'm kinda running out of time (at least for things like having kids) and it hasn't happened yet. Doesn't mean it won't and of course it's possible to date someone younger, but it's not promising for me.
>You mentioned insecurity.
Well it's hard not to be insecure when I'm as old as I am and have as many issues as I do. But of course nobody finds insecurity attractive so it's something I have to find out how to kill.
> I hope you are doing something against your depression though, I have been there and it can ruin everything if left unchecked.
I think it's already ruined a lot, too much maybe. I started seeing a psychologist recently though, and I do want to improve in that area, which is something I can't say has always been true.

>>11277
>Strange that you just suddenly have an interest for someone else but according to that you can talk just fine to a girl that interests you?
That was like 7 years ago, I changed a lot with time. Let's say I "respect" a woman's space too much and don't want to bother them now, else I become creepy like I said before.
It also doesn't help that wherever I go there are either no women, or they're all taken, makes interacting with one frustrating.

Today my mother told me she saw a girl I went to school with shopping with her mother. She first didn't know who my mother is but then her mother told her.
According to my mother she immediately started smiling when she heard that she is talking to my mother and send her regards and also asked if I still live with my parents and how I am doing.
I have no idea what to think of it, if my mother made that up to feel me good? I don't know but that girl does have a special place in my life.
When I was in grade school I had a crush on her and actually hung out with her a few times. Nothing ever happened because we were still children, I was 11 and she 10.
The problem is that I think that this never faded and lived on in my sub consciousness because once or twice a month I dream about her. Sometimes something sexual sometimes not. Sometimes she appears only in the back ground but sometimes it's straightforward about her.
Anyway after searching for about a hour I found her Facebook account, I made one and dared to write her.
Kinda nervous now, maybe I will hear something from her, maybe not.

most of the time its one sided and the ones it wasn't I got cheated on

>>11322
good luck sushi roll

>>11328
Thank you, sushi.
No answer until now, unfortunately her Facebook is the only thing I have found and it's very inactive too… Good chances that she never reads it or in a year or something.

>>11331
keep us updated if something comes out of it

gf just broke up with me

there were lots of reasons, but she mentioned that reading a book of love letters between two female authors, which I gave her…for Valentine's Day .. ,.. made her want a relationship with another woman

and I am not a woman.

It was totally amicable though, so I'm chilling in my sad songs. only a few tiny tears so far

>>11453
>she mentioned that reading a book of love letters between two female authors, which I gave her…for Valentine's Day .. ,.. made her want a relationship with another woman
This made my laugh, sorry about that sushi.
At least it didn't evolve into something nasty, take care of yourself now. Sushi is always there for you.

I'm pretty drunk but at this point I think I've accepted I'm just not suited for this love stuff. Or sex, or whatever. I guess I could probably keep trying but for various reasons I just feel like its all so hopeless. I just wanna be free of this desire entirely.

Oh my god, sushis. It happened to me. It happened to me. A girl confessed to me today. We've known each other for years but didn't make any advances because we were in a work-adjacent environment where dating was a no-go. But holy shit, I didn't know it was mutual. I might shed a tear, I'm ecstatic.

Generally falling in love is one sided. This has been my experience. Either the person you're in love with, doesn't love you at all, or not as much. I have been on both sides of the equation, mostly on the wrong side…lol. In my experience functional relationships are when both sides love each other, but the female side is more in love with the husband. The ratio cannot be too large though, or jealousy etc occurs. If I could talk to my angst ridden youth I would tell him that ll those girls you're fretting about are into guys who don't care much about them, and you need to stop wasting your life crying (literally) about women who don't care about you. The best you can do in your youth, as a guy, is to work on yourself. It is a terrible, lonely, but it is all you can do. You can settle for someone early on, but I do not recommend settling early as a guy.

Early 30's M.

>>11716
That sounds magical. Good luck to the two of you.

>>5384
Havent felt it since highschool and worried I will never feel it again. Im not sure it actually exists, but the illusion is valuable.

>>11726
>Im not sure it actually exists

why do people say these things? especially when you've already stated you've experienced the feeling in high school.
it invalidates the feelings of everyone else who has experienced it. or have i just been imagining the pain of losing of my bf all this time?
i can barely function anymore, and i would've preferred to have never loved at all.

AAAAAH

I need love advice sushis.
Maybe some days ago I was at the subway waiting for the train, and this super cute chick came by, and then walked around, and then she walked by me again while making a small thumbs up (I was going to record playing some music, so I was dressed quite sharply, and was all hyped humming my stuff a bit, no idea if it was a thumbs up to either?), then goes and waits for the train.

Then train comes, and we wait at the same pair of doors to enter, and for some reason my heart feels brave for a few seconds and I sit down in the island of seats next to hers, so we're sitting just couldnt have been more than 20 inches apart. I was pondering if I should ask her out for coffee or something, but I've never done something like that before. So I'm just giving her glances here and there, and she doesnt seem to be uncomfortable about it. Decide, if she gets off same station, I'm asking her. She gets off station right before me, she walks to a pair of doors further down, but right before she gets off she looks back at me, meets my eyes for a while, then gets off.

She was so damn pretty.
Would it be creepy/weird to wait out at the station she got off someday around the time she was traveling, to see if chance lets me onto her again, to actually ask this time?

This stuff doesnt happen to people like me, I'm a background char, I shouldn't be getting this kind of attention, I'm almost wondering if I'm just going crazy and misreading something, or something

>>11825
>Would it be creepy/weird to wait out at the station she got off someday around the time she was traveling, to see if chance lets me onto her again, to actually ask this time?
I think as long as you make up some other excuse to visit the area and go about it in a chill way, it wouldn't be too creepy. Find something nearby the station that seems neat (restaurant, store, whatever) go there and kill some time before the time you plan to wait at the station. That way if you don't run into her you can say "hey at least I checked out that place and treated myself to some nice food/etc", and if you do run into her, you have an excuse as to why you're in the area.

Another decent option might be one of those "missed connections" posts - if your area has craigslist/another site that has a missed connections section, you could post there and describe the situation (mention location, what happened, what you were wearing, and maybe a question like "what stop did you get off at" to filter out any weirdos). Admittedly, the missed connections section is mostly filled with old people being really horny about random encounters, but it couldn't hurt to post if this person ends up checking there.

Most importantly, if you strike up a conversation with her and find that she doesn't seem that interested in a date, respect that and move on. Nonverbal conversation can be really easy to misinterpret, I've definitely misunderstood stuff and ran into awkward situations.. happens to everyone!

also background character/main character stuff is silly, pls don't assign your self worth to that sort of thing

I’ve finally given up on love. I’m a hopeless romantic but this stuff is unrealistic, time to walk on the ground. There’s lots of stuff in life and I’m used to being on my own, it’ll be alright. Just gotta keep being humble.

Just got out of a really rough romantic situation with a close friend. I went through a phase of thinking I'm unlovable, and while I don't disagree with that idea, I no longer care. I've come to love myself even if no one else does. I used to put too much of my self-worth on whether or not I could have a relationship, now I stake my self-worth on what I do. I don't care if no one wants to kiss me, I'm a responsible adult and I'm taking care of myself and others. I'm not trying to brag, but rather I'm trying to demonstrate how amazing it feels to go from being a hopeless romantic to a hero finding his own meaning in life.

>>11858
that's nice. i'm glad things worked out for you.

i tried that before, for like 10 or 11 years now (or maybe 12 years i suppose?). i focused on my projects instead and put my self-worth in those, in the things i did and achieved. but then i failed at all of them. then i focused on a relationship and I lost the only person that loved me, the person that knew me best, that knew me for 8 years, and now I'm too old to form such a meaningful new relationship, anything of the same calibre.
I'm now a complete failure at all the things i sunk my heart into and i cannot recover. I'm not 21 anymore, I'm not as sociable as i once was, it's hard for me to talk and now i have all this additional history and baggage that a new partner just wouldn't want to deal with. if it took me almost 10 years to form that relationship while i was in my prime and most socially active, it'd take 20 years to do it starting now. I'll be a 50 year old grumpy ugly failure and I've simply lost all hope.

hope it works out for you. just don't fuck up like i did, okay?

>>11860
I mean, hey, I have no idea what the future holds. 10 years feels like such a long time from now, I'm still pretty young. Even if my short-sighted plan only keeps me happy for a few years, well hey, that's a few years I get to enjoy. I'll take what I can get, and I'll figure the rest out when I get there. I'm feeling hopeful, and I want to do something with that hope for however long I have it.

Even if you've lost hope, there could be good things in store for you, oldie. I work with a guy who just turned 50 this year. Single as ever, but he doesn't mind. He goes on roadtrips around the country, hikes in the mountains visits museums, spends extraordinary amounts of money on fireworks, goes to rock and roll concerts, and is just living it up like he's still 20. He may be a "failure" because he dropped out of college, works a low-income job, has no kids, and lives with family, but dammit he's enjoying his life. I hope that you can learn to do the same, even if your plans don't work out.

>>11861
thanks for the insight kiddo, it's nice that he can enjoy those things alone, he probably has irl frens and also lots of money. i don't enjoy many things at all anymore and I have very little expendable income. some people are okay with being alone, and I'm just not one of them, not anymore.

>>11724
Update on this. After I got past my initial elation, I realized that a romantic relationship wasn’t what I wanted… it’s hard to parse, I was genuinely happy that I was confessed to. We never did anything but hold hands, but… we were friends throughout high school, and I got so used to being friends. My friends, her included, were finally the constants in my life I got after wanting friends and normalcy for so long, and I cherish all of them more than anything. I’m about to go off to college and am experiencing a lot of changes in my life. I just didn’t know I wasn’t prepared to cast another emotional variable into that mix. The concept of the intricacy and difficulty of an LDR also intimidated me a lot given that I’ve never had a relationship. What I really needed, badly, was my friends. The timing on this ended up being very bad.

We’re leaving the relationship amicably and are going to continue to be friends but I still made her sad by putting her through this roller coaster and that’s what makes my heart ache. Not ending the relationship. That’s how I know it was the right decision. I feel relieved that we’re friends again but sad about the emotional difficulty of this stuff.

Never underestimate the importance of platonic relationships, sushis.

fallen in love again for the first time in like, idk 15 years? it feels exactly like it did back then and i think engaging it will help me move on from my past (my first real) relationship.

i have to tread so carefully though.

ah, this one is at the bump limit. oh well, I'm happy enough to let my thoughts slip away into the void.