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/hell/ - internet death cult

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File: 1553670289649.gif (189.12 KB, 400x400, silent_tears.gif)

 No.2034[View All]

Why are you sad? What are your troubles?
73 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.3394

I'm still dealing with the usual depression/anxiety combo, but over the past couple days my main issue has been trying to eat healthier. I haven't ordered fast food in over a month but I still find myself binging, today it was on bikkies.

 No.3395

>>3394
I've put myself on two meals per day with very little snacks, but sometimes I leave the gap between meals too long and end up binging on potechi because i feel too anemic to spend 30 minutes making something properly.
I found if I just don't have anything to snack on except something kinda bland, this really discourages me to from binging. If I'm caught really hungry, I'll nibble a few snacks and leave most of my appetite for proper healthy-ish meals.

So maybe try put the bickies away, only get something like digestives (non-choccy kind) or something similar. Something that you can still eat as a snack, but not really binge-worthy by themselves.

 No.3420

>>2034
I'm in my early 20s and I'm getting sick of dealing with millennials. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my generation is perfect by any means, but man, you guys are the pits. You're so damn whiny, cynical, and ungrateful.

 No.3421

>>3420
Are we not millenials too?

 No.3422

>>3421
I think the youngest millenials/oldest zoomers are 22, so they could be Gen Z if they're 20-22 Holy fuck I feel old

 No.3423

>>3422
Yesterday I was talking about something that happened in 2017 and I almost said "yeah it was last year"
Naruto ended 7 years ago it's insane

 No.3424

File: 1619809356552.jpg (35.47 KB, 384x406, 9e849717148300819cf7fea338….jpg)

I'm pretty big into this one mini game in a game. Part of a community dedicated to playing it, specifically playing it with people that pay in game money for good players to play with.
I never feel like I'm good enough at it against my peers. They always do so much better and know so much more than me and it always frustrates me how poorly I perform with no improvement in the months I've put into it. Watching people I started playing with at the same time out class me so far. I also get the feeling I have a weird reputation and no true friends in the community I'm in. Everyone's an acquaintance really. I'm never picked in the first few drafts for teams when team captains pick players or I see that teams I'm in a lot of people never join in.
One time we where doing a fun tournament with the group I mostly play in. A member of our team said that me and them should swap roles because I was doing so badly, we won, but that hurt and mostly confirmed how I was feeling. Usually I think people are being polite.
Think it hurts more because of the time investment I've made and the fact it's the only thing I do. I don't even enjoy it any more I just don't have anything else. I think I've lied to my self too much with the "I'm just playing for fun, I don't care about my personal best times" line that I'm not having fun. I found my self in a sort of community leader role that I think puts an expectation on me that I can't meet. I'm expected to be able to judge other players skill to say if they are allowed to play with us or not. I have no idea how or why I got this position.

tldr of my blog: gamer of a game in a game is sad that their life sucks and the game that made them happy doesn't make them happy, it makes them sad because of how bad they are.

 No.3425

I need help
There is no help
I don't want to be awake

 No.3426

>>3425
I hope you had a nice sleep.
I hope you had a nice wake up too.

 No.3427

>>3426
sorry I posted while I was having a panic attack and couldn't delete it. I had lots of sleep, just having a sad week.

 No.3440

Everyone is replying to me with sages and they're making me feel dumb

 No.3441

>>3440
sage is not a downvote.
if it really must be construed as negative, then at most it's only negative to their own post. it's a humble way of posting a message, saying that their post is not worthy of bumping a thread.

I hope you're not really down about sage posts of all things.

 No.3442

>>3441
I'm not the person you're replying to, but I honestly do think that some people go overboard with their usage of sage. Like, I understand using it for small off-topic comments or the like, but I remember there was a period of time on Sushichan where I noticed a lot of perfectly on-topic posts that were sage for absolutely no apparent reason (my guess is that it was just one person sageing all of their posts, but I have no way of knowing that for sure), and it honestly kind of annoyed me because it made me feel like I had to scroll through a lot of posts to see if there was anything new posted, instead of just looking at the most recently bumped posts on kaitensushi.

 No.3443

>>3442
I use sage a lot. I just feel my posts are not important enough to bump the thread to the front.

 No.3444

my phone's tempered glass shattered today. was having a great one until that happened… agh I know this is lame but after weeks of being all-around miserable, I thought I made it out until reality hit me in the face, lol. guess that's life

>>3443
it's an imageboard, sushi. nobody's posts are more important than another person's.

 No.3449

>>3424
>I'm expected to be able to judge other players skill to say if they are allowed to play with us or not.

 No.3461

hello sushi i dont where i should start.
i noticed that i cant still let go a old relationship from 5 years ago, i mean sometimes i feel very nostalgic with the old time when i use to be more happy, (i already know that my happiness does not depend on other people)
Sometimes when the nostalgia hit me hard i use to scream internally.

 No.3473

a plate of my car came off after someone grazed me on the expressway… the tub is clogged… I have mountains of emails to respond to… man

 No.3474

Table 'sushigirl_vichan.telegrams' doesn't exist

PROBLEMS

 No.3475

I feel as though I've wasted a lot of time and lost the curiosity and awe I used to have years ago. I suppose its been useful in that its been a teacher of life skills and outlook, but clearly I could've used time better such as for exercising, studying, etc. No point dwelling in the past, though.
Nothing really all that bad except for problems coming from within myself. Circumstances are more than fine. I've been gifted the freedom to lead my life in any way I so please.

 No.3477

Sad because I don't like myself and I don't know how to get better.

 No.3484

File: 1627135858414.jpg (318.38 KB, 753x786, 1627123885898.jpg)

Decades of isolation and shame await me if I don't build up the courage to kill myself and the prospect terrifies me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cCZk9fZ9eE

 No.3487

>>3484
If you'd want I could be someone to talk to, I can't promise that I'll be a friend, but at the least I won't disappear on you or judge.
I mean it should probably take less courage to have a chat than to end things forever.
Just give me a heads up if I should post a throwaway mail-address or something.

 No.3488

File: 1627430896994.jpg (56.21 KB, 608x648, luluco ehh.jpg)

>>3484
I frankly get tired of people who romanticize suicide because of some dumb temporary problem.
Most of the time they never go through the act, they just want something
>Isolation and shame
I don't see the issue with not talking to anyone, nor I see any reason to feel shame about anything. For the former you gotta learn to love yourself since that's the only person who will always be with you, and for the latter you gotta realize your mistakes and accept that they happened, no reason to get stuck on the past.
You should try something you've never attempted before. Suicide is not one of them, you screw it up and you end up FUBAR for the rest of your life.

 No.3489

I’m thousands of miles away from home with a friend, I hurt her feelings earlier and she left the hotel room. I know she needs space but I’m really fucking worried because she‘s the type that might stay out really late and sleep outside. I’m worried she’s going get hurt, or worse. Her phone is dead and she’s depressed and oh my god I am going to cry. If she’s not back in an hour and a half I’m going to put on shoes and look for her even though I know it’ll upset her because I cannot take the potential bad alternative. Lord help me.

 No.3490

>>3489
OK she got my message and her phone is on so I’m less worried now. Holy shit.

 No.3491

>>3490
Update, everyone is safe and sound. Sorry for live-blogging my mental breakdown. Just needed an outlet at the time.

 No.3492

>>3491
It's okay sushi, I'm glad it all worked out

 No.3493

File: 1627653878925.png (679.62 KB, 1080x1080, StrawberryMail.png)

I've been severely depressed for a while, enough that it effectively left me bed ridden for the extent of the lockdown. I usually didn't feel I could talk about it openly aside from my therapy sessions, but a recent event really put me in a very painful place.
My mother has been homeless for years now, so I don't get to see her too much. The few times I did she seemed like she was in good health, but she wouldn't be homeless if everything was okay with her. She recently called me after like a year of silence. Suffice to say I was very happy to hear she wasn't struck by COVID-19. But then, she asked if I could take her out of state, to a place like 8 hours away. I was caught off guard, and didn't really know what to do, as I haven't driven that far yet, and the whole thing was so sudden. I ended up refusing, but she seemed okay with it, and reassured me she was fine. We spoke a little more before hanging up. She was using a phone at a homeless shelter, so I couldn't get back in touch with her when I thought about it a bit more and changed my mind.

Since then, I've been feeling a mix guilt, shame, and a deep sadness I couldn't name. When I tried to talk about it with my therapist, I felt the weight of those emotions, such that it silenced me. Even after the session, I feel like I'm being crushed by sadness, and even though I'm happy my mother is okay, it seemed to open up an old wound I had all but forgotten. It has already put me down for a day, and it may take me out for a few more if I'm unable to properly cope and face it.

Pic unrelated. I just like Strawberry Shortcake.

 No.3494

There are times where I really, really, REALLY hate my life situation.
It's not terrible, I have somewhere to sleep, my computer, but still, could be an awful lot better.

 No.3495

My cat injured her eye a month ago and regardless of applying medicine every day it's not recovering at all. I keep telling my family to keep her inside so she's safe but no one listens. Too broke to pay for another vet exam.

What should I do rolls?

 No.3496

>>3495
I’m not sure what you *can* do in this situation, sushi, other than giving your cat the love and attention she deserves. Wishing you luck.

 No.3499

I saw friends today and all it did was leave me drained and sad because I have to pretend like the discussions and jokes being made don't hurt me. I wish I wasn't like this.

 No.3502

I'm tired, I've been constantly tired for years.
It started with slight health issues, some got better some got worse - being physically tired is my normal state though.
I used to hide away in my invincible world of books and knowledge, it got me quite ahead.
Yet sadly, for the last few years, I've been so restless that I can hardly pick a book up for more than a few minutes (at least in the last 3-4 months that is getting better!).
I dropped out of uni, changed subjects, and might drop out again.
Lost my best friend to cancer.
Worst of all, I've been working hard, yet I don't always see the fruit of that work.
Asshole profs tried to blame me for cheating, TWICE, and both times I was exonerated in the end (at a very significant mental health cost).
At the end of the day, no one cares, even if they "lament" how much potential I have that I'm not reaching, no one is willing to actually help when I ask for help.

Only thing keeping me around is not wanting my loved ones to experience the pain of me going out with a bang, it's extremely scarring to lose someone close - especially when they're young (I've experienced that with my friend, I miss him man, I miss him so much).

There you go, kind of got it off my chest.
I don't know where to go with this.

 No.3503

File: 1628060823579.jpg (171.68 KB, 1024x942, instincts.jpg)

i lack interest in the possible futures open to me
nothing appeals anymore
is this really all there is?

 No.3505

>>3503
Yes, it is
But it is also all that there isnt, everything that isnt is everything that is not now

And most of what isnt, could become

Kinda like that?
I mean, what kind of future would actually interest you? If you drop the pretense of "that couldnt ever become true, could it"

 No.3506

File: 1628176616371.jpg (2.03 MB, 1774x1381, Case Cover Back Outer.jpg)

>>3491
Well, she's been admitted to mental hospital. I don't know how I'm *supposed* to feel. I feel sad not out of pity, but because I can empathize with the feeling of depression. There's a hint of worry that the facility will be bad. There's relief because she'll be safe. The combination of the feelings is just… emptiness? I feel a bit empty. It sucks to see someone you love suffer.

You can't help your clinically depressed friend. You can be a good friend, but you can't 'fix' anything.

I'm just hoping there'll be a time, maybe once we're all settled into the next stage of our lives, that we can all hang out together happily and without health problems, just like before. I'm glad high school is over.

 No.3507

File: 1628215498325.jpg (92.66 KB, 716x1011, 68963552_p98.jpg)

>>3506
I'm not sure if it helps at all, because everyone is obviously different, but I was in a situation not unlike your friends for a long time. Had to live in mental hospitals, etc. My life isn't easy or nice or anything but things definitely got better for me, over a very long period of struggle, and I hope they do for her as well. You're right that you can't do anything to fix her, but she's lucky to have someone like you who cares enough about her. Ganbatte roll.

 No.3525

File: 1628420479656.jpg (41.13 KB, 474x700, dbead26c691053ec0db777bdcd….jpg)

>Canuck German
>20 years old
>have a stalker of several years that creeps me out beyond belief
I think they sometimes plan their day and possibly their work schedule to revolve around being able to be "around".

I have caught them before so I am not just paranoid without good reason.

 No.3529

>>3507
Thank you sushi. It does help. It took me a while to get back to this but your message kept me going!

I got a phone call from her today and we talked for a good while, she says she thinks she’s gonna be discharged soon. It was a relief hearing calm in her voice. :)

 No.3530

>>3525
Have you tried telling them that you're getting creeped out by their behaviour?
If they knew all that effort they're spending is only pushing you further away I doubt they'd keep it up. Maybe they just hope that you'll appreciate them, or just want to get to spend time with you without needing to actually ask if you want to hang out.

The type to become that obsessive about someone is often also the type without enough social observance vocabulary to realize the difference between being a source of discomfort and you just being "nervous" or "shy".

 No.3531

>>3530
>hang out
hard pass, full stop "No". I leave no room for ambiguity, misinterpretation, the answer is a strong point-blank [No].

I go to some length in order to avoid being seen by them, the very thought of it makes me uneasy.

 No.3539

File: 1629808988908.jpg (67.86 KB, 660x577, xXUHaJVKmCri3jeh5qiwZVi8-J….jpg)

I'm not really sad but kind of troubled by how shit the Web has become. Literally all media, entertainment and social sites have turned into an unpleasant, weird echo chamber.

 No.3549

>>3539
I often find that the less regulars a website has while still being active, the more pleasant it is. There seems to be a certain threshold of population that when crossed, the website loses whatever charm it had and becomes dominated by the same sort of social warfare that people used to go online to escape.
I know it is not an universal truth, and not even the only factor in the charm of a community, but it is very noticeable, especially with so many websites being huge, centralized ad platforms. Of course, 4chan is an example where the site only got worse as more people used it.

 No.3551

>>3549
Absolutely but I think there's another related element which is how much the posters care about the website. Something like that? It's hard to describe. Its what stops places from becoming dumping grounds of unfunny jokes, porn, rage and whatever is trendy at the time. People caring about staying on topic, not being overly hostile and fostering an actual sense of community.

 No.3554

File: 1631278315339.jpg (685.99 KB, 884x1302, b29982c6b2105a3f58cd81becd….jpg)

I just don't know what to do with myself.
Most of the time I work, play video games, watch anime and browse some small imageboards, that's it.
While I enjoy games, animu and ibs it is unfortunately not the case for work. If I am working then I never have the issue of being bored out of my tiny little mind though. During weekends this is never a problem too. Holidays and being unemployed is where this starts to surface.
Sooner or later I am content with the stuff I usually do and then I don't know what to do. I have already read multiple times that you are supposed to just try something out, it doesn't even matter what. Just try and see if you like it, if yes continue to do it, if not try something else. Well there is nothing that appeals to me though and I don't have the motivation and energy to try something new either. Actually I like to cook already, to garden, to read, to listen to music and do some exercise at home. I tried the gym too, but didn't like it. The point is that nothing of that really satisfies me and because of that I rarely do it. Therefore I just stick with video games, anime and imageboards, even though I don't feel like it. Most of the time this results into me getting up and just laying down on my bed, doing nothing or even worse starting to wank to some disturbing shit, that I would like to drop since years.
Given this issue I can't handle being a neet, because I just don't know what to do with all the time I have. After some neeting I always start working again, but then working starts to crush my mental health and at one point I quit, which leads to square 1 again, being a neet. Working just sucks because of people, I desperately try to find a job where I am alone and don't have people around for 9 hours straight on 5 days a week. It's just introverts hell. Only thing I found out is being a watchmen at night, I will try to apply for it if the current situation goes in the direction I hope. Right now I still life with my parents and have a job that I hate and destroys me once more. My contract runs out on the 31th of December, if they give me a new contract that doesn't run out on a certain date then I will move out near a place where a lot of jobs are available as a night watchmen, then drop the current job and start applying for the new one. Maybe working something that doesn't constantly worsens my mental state is giving me some drive to try new things? I just want to be able to cope with life somehow…

 No.3555

80% lurkers 20% posters

 No.3556

Just extremely anxious since coming to college. Program is very intense and hit hard right out the gates. Getting better slowly but still trying to collect myself.

 No.3557

>>3555
ain't that the truth

 No.3560

I can't seem to do anything. My entire life exists in a state of permanent potentiality. I've been trying to fix this for eleven years now with no success so I doubt there even is a way to fix it.



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