I've got a few friends from high school and college that I still keep in touch with, but mostly it's my current grad school classmates right now. We all live in one building so they're unavoidable.
I like going to see films with my friends. We drink beer and discuss afterwards. In high school and college I used to hang out and play video games with my friends but that got kind of old, as did just sitting around and drinking. We kept doing it out of habit, but we had no energy to do the silly stuff that we did when we were younger (urban exploration and occasionally stupid petty vandalism). Also used to socialise over Skype or whatever playing multiplayer games, but same story–it got old but we kept doing it out of habit and I don't think anyone enjoyed it anymore by the time we stopped.
I'm in pretty much the same situation as you OP, I've met a LOT of new people though. My problem is that no one I meet is very interesting and interacting with them drains me of all my energy. Also it's just too comfy to cuddle with my girlfriend so I don't even try to look to other things to do.
I don't like socializing.
I *can* do it if I need to, like for work. But that's just putting on a mask for others' sake than my own.
Especially if I'm in a group I find I'm the odd one out, and I can only hold out so long with small talk.
Even online friends are hard to keep up with and I feel like I can't stay likeable enough to hold a deep conversation with. I don't feel as comfortable with social media anymore either.
The only people I regularly talk to are my parents.
I do enjoy having some company but I'm not that great at socializing honestly. I have a couple of friends I occasionally exchange some messages with, and sometimes we meet up, but usually they are so distant to me I consider them as "part-time friends".
My last relationship ended roughly 2 years ago. Nowadays there is another candidate, but I'm not sure if I can pull this one off. I need to shake off my insecurities first though. Time will tell.
No, not really. I'm not a big fan of "nightlife". Don't drink, don't smoke, don't like football so that's also out of the question. Conflict makes me anxious, hate politics, conservative when it comes to relationships and "sexual liberties". The only outdoor activities I do are just cycling, going for evening walks or late night driving. The rest are indoors and mostly online.
As for actual interactions, both online and irl they are usually pretty shallow. Work, current state of affairs or situational comedy. On holidays, often days go by without directly engaging with someone.
I can't really connect with people emotionally and form meaningful relationships. I've been with my waifu since I graduated from high school, so 7 years ago. Right now, it is unfathomable for me to live life any other way. It just means that I have all the time for myself and to explore the world.
I am not very similar to the people that I often meet, and I find it difficult to connect with them.
However, from my experience, making a good friend requires that you spend a lot of time together, and even those good friends end up being simultaneously close yet distant. How can you be close and distant? When you see them, you feel very close, as if, despite any circumstances, they've got your back. Still, they can't be part of your daily life because your lives are simply very different.
It's unfortunate, but the only real way to make close friends is to find something that you do habitually with those people. Then, after a bit of time, you start doing other things together, making the connection stronger. Eventually, you're inviting them over for Christmas dinner or something like that.
The worst thing about adult life is that most people understand this. They start treating friendships as alliances and habitually filter their output to match their plans for making friends. The connections become superficial and you start doubting who your real friends are.
Eventually, you have to start taking inventories of friends' actions, and you become the thing that you hate, a cold, calculating son of a friendly lady.
I tend to only 'go out' with friends that I have known and trusted for a long time (luckily me and my core group of HS friends all get together fairly consistently despite having graduated three years ago). I tend to be a lot more introverted and shy when it comes to interacting with strangers in a setting outside of university or work. That isn't to say that I don't make friends, but I tend to just be more comfortable around those that I have had long term connections with.
Fortunately I'm at a point where I don't really need to atm. But the nature of society requires one to do so in order to make a living, so I'll have to. I intend to read some books on the matter and see if I can learn to at least put up a decent performance. I did realize at some point that one just needs to pit on an act, that is to say: don't be yourself. Just act like you like it.
One thing I can't stand is that people are always expecting you to do some converstation, but I have not much in common with most people, so I hardly know what to say and it seldom goes beyond some trivial exchange avout the weather or something menial.
Even with many of my old "friends" I cannot really keep much of a conversation, we're just too different.
Think I do, there's just nobody to socialize with
But at my last work I did a few times and it was nice. When I tried with coworkers in the current one things got very boring very fast
Yes. I'll usually default to extracting my entertainment out of the internet, but I'll gladly head out with the lads to catch a live concert and have more than a few beers.
I dislike socializing both irl and online. There's only one person I can tolerate near me and we don't talk much either. We just do our own thing in the same living space for most of the time. It's the most desirable setting.
Sure, I like socializing. Most people I see these days I know from the internet though and most socializing I do is just sitting around and drinking beer. I didn't have many friends growing up and most of them became junkies or neets who I'm not that much in contact with anymore. Sometimes I wish I had some normal offline friends but I guess I'm pretty happy with my situation.
No. I prefer staying inside, watch anime or play videogames, than socializing
I remember the first couple years of hikkidom I had this idea that I was above the need for friendship, validation, love, support, but after a decade I realise completely delusional that was.
I generally dislike it, though sometimes I want to hang around with others. But of course, my usual withdrawal leaves me with few contacts outside my family and I feel that they'd be bothered if I suddenly contacted them (probably since I'd feel that way if the roles were reversed). I'm pretty boring to be around anyway, since I often prefer just being in the company of others but not an active participant in conversation or activity.
when I was in my earlier 20s and single, I often felt lonely and eager to be around other people. now at 31 with a family and a career, I treasure every moment of solitude i can get.
I'm going to try to socialise when I start uni in July. Being close to a decade older than most of my classmates is going to be weird though, especially if they decide to ask me what I've done between high school and starting uni. the answer is nothing
I've been in there. It'll be less weird than you expect and there should be plenty of older people around. Unless you're balding or have deep wrinkles or something a lot of the younger kids will assume you're around their age or a bit older anyways.>>7362
I'm a big fan of this artist.
I like socializing in theory, A small group of friendly people i never met before and will likely never see again is the optimal setting for me to enjoy talking to people. Once it gets past that and into the area of actual relation i feel like my freedom is being infringed upon, I have to fight off the constant urge to drop everything and run, Something i've done multiple times now.
So yeah, I like talking to others but it's too stressful. Like it or not, I do have the need for communication though.
i've gotten pretty good at topical conversation. I really want deep personal friends though and i don't know how to do that and it's destroying me
i fear i will never figure it out
interesting, the variety of problems and peoples' perspectives on the subject
>>7808>I tend to get depressed and start overthinking when I spend too much time by myself.
Same, the feels go away when I start doing something pro-active, like learning how to draw for example, but I always think I'm guilty of something if I spend a lot of time alone, even if I didn't do anything
Not really, mostly due to the fact that I'm not as social as I was in high school. I used to enjoy recreational drugs with friends back then. I could've kept in touch with those people I hung out with but no one bothered to stay, and I even walked past my closest old friends the summer that they graduated. They didn't say anything or even gave eye contact while walking past. Basically all I really cared about that summer was the comfortable condominium that was home. Nowadays I just try to excel in my niche hobbies simply to make new friends- but recently it's not all that great and I don't receive any messages at all.
What are your niche hobbies?
Pen spinning, I try to practice more because it's a solo grind hobby and now I'm starting to do fps game aim exercises. I couldn't do college
i think it is just our brains getting in a rut. when we are alone, we have thoughts and feelings that just keep looping without any outside feedback to disrupt their cycle. it's not so much about positivity or negativity. if you must be alone for too long, at least try stimulating yourself with genuine novelty - investigate a new subject or try to solve a difficult problem.
i think in the end, though, socialization is necessary. i think it's the only way we can feel like our lives are actually meaningful.
That's pretty cool sushi roll. Are you making much progress?
I'm with you 100%
Though I really miss friendships. It sure is a lot of work building that level of trust with someone and dealing with some of the more irrational quirks of human behavior.
Currently I don't have any great friendships but I do have my health, and my skateboard.
I'd like to go out socialising, except I have nowhere to go, no car, public transport is virtually non existent in my town and it scares me.
I feel you on the IRL front. But while it can still be daunting online you shouldn't just give up on it. I've met some good people online, and even met some of them IRL. Some bad experiences happened too of course, but it's all par for the course. Of course this is partly hypocritical of me as I'm still deathly scared to speak up or make myself known online in any sort of community where I can be identified.
Hahaha, this is the most autistic thing I've read in a while, but I feel the same way: >Once it gets past that and into the area of actual relation i feel like my freedom is being infringed upon
I know that feeling exactly. I'm happy to socialize with people I've never met before. I occasionally comment on what someone's purchasing while we stand in line at the market; sometimes they don't want to talk, but more often they do and I've had some pretty funny interactions. That's like my ideal level of socialization.
Beyond that, I think when you start getting more involved with someone it's like you're "settling" for them as a friend. You have to wonder if this is the "best" person you could have picked, maybe they're not the perfect image of a friend you had in mind. You get to be afraid of investing time in the relationship, and moreover you're afraid not of rejection, but of rejecting
if it doesn't work for you after you've led your new friend on.
I think that might be what's going on with me, not really sure though.
No. I do think it's important to some extent though. And I often feel the drive to do so, but most often than not there is just no common ground and every attempt I make at smalltalk just falls flat or ends up in awkward silence. It's like people naturally don't like me.
It's a bit of a problem because that means I cannot get past the stranger threshold with people and thus won't be able to try and make a deal with them. I just don't know how to handle people.
What do you do on your own?
I don't really socialize irl nowadays. I don't go out often in general, mostly because the weather isn't comfy. During the summer I was alone too, just went on more walks with my camera, taking pictures of random buildings.
I have some friends I know irl, but we never hang out, just chat on the Internet. I've got a couple of online friends, too, but we're not close.
Just wanted to ask a question (because I really don't know much about social things), those of you sushi rolls who have friends, do you ever talk to them about your problems? Personal ones, like insecurities that have been getting worse or feeling down because something unpleasant happened? I never discuss that with any of my friends, and I feel it'd be a burden to them to listen to me anyway. It's not like because they're my friend they are obliged to sort me out, right?
Curious if it's just a sitcom stereotype that there are friends you can actually share bad stuff with.>>7803>>8301
This is really relatable. Thanks for speaking up about it, makes me feel less selfish/shallow.
>>10589>Just wanted to ask a question (because I really don't know much about social things), those of you sushi rolls who have friends, do you ever talk to them about your problems? Personal ones, like insecurities that have been getting worse or feeling down because something unpleasant happened? I never discuss that with any of my friends, and I feel it'd be a burden to them to listen to me anyway.
All the time, that's one of the most important things for me in making a strong and long-lasting frenship.
I'll only go really in-depth with it if I'm talking with my closest friends. With everyone else, i don't bring these sorts of things up very often and if I do, I keep the discussion brief. I also know the feelings of anxiety, the feeling of being a burden to your frens. I found that after many years, your closest friends won't think of you as a burden even if they're hauling you over a mountain. I don't profess to know what they get out of it, but they're obviously getting something from the frenship during all the other times that makes these moments worthwhile to them. Perhaps they don't even see themselves as dragging me up a mountain, perhaps only i see it that way.
>It's not like because they're my friend they are obliged to sort me out, right?
No, and you're not obliged to do the same for them in return either. Friendship isn't a contract. But - idk maybe this isn't something you've felt before - even if they're not obliged
to help, sometimes people will want
to help their friend.
Going to echo what >>10590
is saying a bit.
This is apart of what makes a close friend, close. There aren't many people you will cross paths with throughout your life that will inevitably fall in this category because it takes a lot of time and falling flat on your face to find the right people you click with that you can build a relationship with to that point. The ancient philosophers ruminated about friendship extensively and had it figured out to a degree. That the quality of a friendship is more important 100 times out of 100 than the quantity of friends that you might have; as such it is virtually impossible to get to know more than a handful of people at any given time in this close intimate level. This notion seems lost on modern sensibilities.
When I am experiencing hardship, depression, anxiety, insecurities, etc. I talk to my friends about it just as willingly and openly as I talk to them about anything positive. I would gladly listen to and help them in any way if they came to me with the same predicaments. I don't think that, 'I am contractually obligated to help them because I expect them to help me' or anything like that. I would because I want to… because here is another human being who I deeply care about and I want to see them thrive. To me this kind of connection is more beneficial than say, paying to see a psychologist to seek out help. You do not have that deep emotional link with them and seeing them 1-2 hours every week to talk specifically about your head space alone isn't going to develop a connection with that person in any meaningful and intimate way. It is not only the other person you are helping when you help them, you are also helping yourself. It's that amazingly good and warm feeling we get when extend a hand of compassion and kindness, for ourselves, and for others, especially those we care deeply about. I think this feeling is intrinsic to what it means to experience life as a human and has no definitions of virtue or moral righteousness. I can't think of describing it as anything other than the raw emotion of love, not directed any one direction, but radiating without from within.
You are not a burden, selfish, or shallow. I'm not saying this because I'm trying to make you feel better. I'm saying this because the irony is that in not wanting to be these things towards others means that you experience empathy, and you care about the feelings of others. It's extremely safe to say, that humanity more or less as a whole has this in common.
I speak from experience when I say all this. For much of my life crippling social anxiety and depression controlled me; for years I had no contact outside my close biological family. If it wasn't for them not giving up on me I would've been utterly alone.
I like going outside but usually prefer being alone. I'll play with people online and offline but outside I just want to wander and take things in.
I'm starting a pre-uni course on campus on Monday. Hopefully someone will talk to me, I'll spend the entire time trying to build up the courage to talk to someone as well. It's scary to me since I've basically been a shut in for the past decade, my social ability (which wasn't the best in the first place) has atrophied just like my brain has. This semester is going to be a tough one but I've reached a point in my life where I need to just get over myself and my self-defeating mentality.
Good luck sushi roll. It's okay to be afraid, and if you fuck up talking to anyone, you've only potentially ruined your chances with .00000000128% of the human race.
I like socializing in the abstract but I have trouble finding people I actually want to socialize with. I have friends I made in my college anime club or on imageboards over the years and it's easy and fun to casually chat with them about the stuff I care about, and we're able to understand where the other person is coming from on serious topics as well. But that's all online and meanwhile if I try to go to a "make new friends meetup" at a bar or something I don't feel like I have any common interests to discuss and our culture and values feel so disparate that it's impossible to progress beyond small talk to any real friendship, and spending time with them just feels like a chore where I'm constantly grasping for things to keep the conversation going.
I am as introverted as introverted gets, which makes it difficult.
I feel like most people don't even know that introverts exist or just don't know how to handle them. Being introverted doesn't mean hating to socialize, it just means not enjoying doing it the entire time and also needing some rest afterwards. Personally I despise being part of a group, same goes for being at noisy locations. What I like is simply having a comfy place where there is one other person and me.
Overall I can say I do like to socialize but it almost never happens how I like it and therefore mostly ends up being a burden. Due to that I rarely socialize, I guess my compensation for that are imageboards. Being able to pick something interesting and trying to start a talk or simply adding to one already existing.
why does it feel like we are all so similar tbdesu
like all of you are very similar to me but so far apart. i wonder what it would be like in a room with just both of us in by ourselves
>>12854>why does it feel like we are all so similar
My guess is that imageboards attract some kind of people more than others, which would explain why a lot can associate with each other.
>like all of you are very similar to me but so far apart
Well there is the contact thread, maybe look through that one. Perhaps someone who posted there is living close to you. I would be >>12771
and a cheeseroll, also known as Switzerland.
I know that problem though, I have seen quite a few great posts on imageboards the past few years, posts that made the poster really likable for me, giving me the impression of somebody I would love to spend time with.
> i wonder what it would be like in a room with just both of us in by ourselves
Introverts usually get along with each other very well, therefore I assume we would have a great time.
switzerland sushi roll
being honest most of my free time I prefer to be isolated and focused on my own things. But you seem nice maybe I might be more down the drain than you are. Last time I socialized, played games with someone was 2 years ago. It was with my ex l, I miss them but the feeling of being by myself is much more comforting. Maybe I will look for someone in the future.
>>12859>being honest most of my free time I prefer to be isolated and focused on my own things
Same here, I need a lot of free time for myself, else I can't manage. This is just how I recharge my batteries.
>maybe I might be more down the drain than you are
I would dare to say any person that uses imageboards has issues or at least had issues. So I wouldn't worry about that. As for me, I still do have my fair share of problems.
>Last time I socialized, played games with someone was 2 years ago. It was with my ex l, I miss them but the feeling of being by myself is much more comforting. Maybe I will look for someone in the future
Well I do play vidya with my brother now and then but with someone I met on the Net, the last time was late 2017. I wonder if my spoken English is still good for something. Anyway I had an ex too that I played games with, this made your post hit right in the feels. Still I do know and appreciate the feeling of solitude too, like I said above, I even need it, else I can't really relax properly.
I allow myself to give one piece of advice though, if you ever feel like looking for someone, just do it. There is hardly a right time for that, because sometimes people can help and sometimes people can make it worse. Unfortunately there is no way to know what kind of person you will met and if it will be good for you or not, so there is always a risk. Honestly this is also one of the many reason why I like to be alone most of the time.
I used to be a homebody, but I've realized that socializing gives me energy. Strange, I definitely would not have called myself an extrovert a few years ago. I mostly go out to pubs with a small group of friends, but every once in a while I'll go to a concert or convention to meet new people. Gives me creative inspiration.
This will be me in a year or so and I don't know how to feel about it.
Same here. Only my mom ever calls and I have literally just one or two people I talk to through online messengers.
Was a school ghost in grade school because of how little I socialized and never attended any school events. So I don't think any person at schools I've been to will even have any record of my existence except my diplomas.
There have been some former classmates I have ran into at my university several times but they talk to me much more formally/forcedly and distantly now.
When I was in high school a few years ago I excelled at socialization, but since I've left I have only really talked to a handful of people in real life and right now I've got no one since I've lived NEET since. Socialization is stimulating but I need alone time as well, and I feel as though high school was perfect in that when I'd get back home I'd be to myself and I could relax and do whatever. Being NEET is crushing. I went on a date once not too long ago that was very fun but it unfortunately didn't lead anywhere. I could've absolutely had dates in high school since girls were clearly into me, but I wasn't assertive enough and none of the relationships grew beyond inquisitive talks they initiated. Can't change the past though, so its not worth feeling anything bad about it.
I've used imageboards for years at this point but I have begun to use them less and less over time. Most imageboards are highly toxic communities filled with incredibly unpleasant, mentally ill people. I could go on a long rant about my gripes with them, but I don't think most people here would be interested in hearing it.
>>13720> but I don't think most people here would be interested in hearing it.
Well I would be interested in hearing it. I am just one person of many though.
I have the same problem too, I go to an imageboard, it looks nice, but there is something that makes it unenjoyable for me. Misogyny, conspiracies, racism, drama, memes, shitposting, general rudeness, not being able to have a proper exchange, the list goes on and on. It is still my favourite format though, I would rather ditch online exchange completely than using something else.
Regarding the topic of the thread, I need a lot of time for myself, but I feel that socialising is good for me. IRL I only get calls from my mother, text messages from my mother too, but also from my brother and sister. Once a month I see my parents, there I see my brother and sister now and then too. Else I have to deal with a bunch of people at work, but that is not voluntarily.
Friends? None, not even online. A Relationship? Neither. I had a cat once, she meant a lot to me, but she died years ago and I just don't feel like taking in one once more.