>>18832what an incredible post, thank you so much, my eyes are watering
just like how depression acts as a gray pair of goggles that make a person see no pleasure in anything (anhedonia), i'm wearing a cynical and frustrated pair of goggles that make me see everything in the worst light.
but when i do this, it feels good. because it feeds my superiority complex, because for some reason seeing the world as terrible feels good.
but i don't want the rest of my life to be increasingly bitter and upset. i don't want to live that life, it seems miserable. even if pessimism is cool and safe and optimism is cringe and embarassing, i should start moving inch by inch, thought pattern by thought pattern, into the sun.