/lounge/ - sushi social

Ghosted? Is that something like this?
Sounds nice…

>>10034
Youmu looks like she needs sleep, got some bags under her eyes

>>10030

Sorry to hear that sushi, ghosting is a really hurtful thing to have happen. I hope things go out better in the future

I guess my thinking on it is that if someone ghosts someone else, they feel fear or guilt more than they care about that relationship. So either they could not care much (probably not the case if it was a significant relationship, but it does happen a lot with folks who were just chatting) or they could feel very scared or guilty.

That could mean the ghosted person really is scary or the ghoster did something bad, but it could also be that the ghoster just has a low tolerance for difficulty, has personal problems that made them really anxious or ashamed, or maybe they were planning to break up but scared to face that conversation. Sometimes people don't reply for a few days and feel awkward or bad about it, or were having health problems, so they don't talk for a week, and then they feel really bad, etc…

I guess as far as advice goes, given that, I'd consider whether to accept the end of the relationship or whether reaching out another way (if it's possible without stalking them) is a good idea. After all, it might be possible to talk through whatever happened and recover or at least get some closure for both people. But also, something was clearly wrong and they did something that would definitely hurt you… it's good to have understanding/compassion for why they might have, but it's a huge red flag for any future dealings with them unless it's really early in a relationship or they have a specific reason that can be worked on. So I'd say chances are it's best to accept that your paths have separated, whether contacting more them seems right or not.

>>10036
you are right man its just the person in question already had a bunch of problems so i just hope they are doing well. And there is no way for me to reach out to them only talked to them over discord but i did so basically daily for a month.

When I ghost people, I just don't feel like our interaction would be of any profit, for me or for them. There are situations like that and it always hurts, as anyone needs time to accustom to a new situation.

Take your time and assess yourself in a broader light. You are not alone.

>>10067
why dont you let people know what problem you have with them? do you just not want to face the awkward conversation? because ghosting leaves the other person wondering what they did wrong, if its their fault and they have no idea what to do to imprrove and avoid such mistakes in the future.

I hope instead of ghosting people you will judt tell them what you dont like about them and clearly end the conversation rather than to just leave them clueless to what they did wrong.

-op

>>10143
Guess I'm just afraid of their reaction. That is a personal flaw of mine.

I recently forcefully ended a relationship, that I felt was pushed upon me. It was tough, as I didn't particularly dislike the other person, but realized I couldn't match their feelings and felt like betraying them by continuing the relationship. So I said some mean things in hope that by sparking their anger, they could overcome the sadness more easily.

When I was in elementary school, I had a close friend. We goofed around all day and were hero buddies fighting imaginary dragons in the school yard. One day he announced, that his family was relocating and that he had to switch schools. We swore eternal friendship and thus I never heard of him again.

Things like this happen. People are involved in all sorts of business and quickly lose former bonds when exposed to enough new experiences.

>>10148
this is what i wrote, but what I wanted to say is, that often times it's not your fault for being ghosted. Get yourself some slack.

>>10148
>So I said some mean things in hope that by sparking their anger, they could overcome the sadness more easily.
It doesn't work like this. If you made them genuinely and you had a relationship, it's hard to get over it bc you're enemies now.

I have both ghosted and been ghosted. I have ghosted because I started to dislike the person after getting to know them. I've been ghosted for being boring.

Why can't they just say goodbye??

>>10030
Op again it’s been a while but I’m back not ghosted but got cheated on this time I wish I could get close to people and talk to them but I only ever get hurt.

Sorry to hear it, but it is an unfortunate truth of the dating experience. Usually it isn't your fault, but it's easy to think that it is. Usually, especially on dating apps, people will be talking to multiple options at a time, and sometimes they'll just choose one and ghost the rest. It's also pretty common for someone to decide that they shouldn't be dating at the time, and they don't want to go through the emotional effort of admitting it. It's scary.

Here's an experience I had some time earlier this year. Had a bad breakup, and I kind of relapsed on a dating app. Met somebody, it was going great, then they just… stopped responding. I didn't take it great, but I quit using the app for a while to discover myself. During that time, I actually realized that dating just isn't for me, at least not right now. So a few months later, I hopped back on the app to delete my profile, and lo and behold, they had messaged me back. It was a lengthy apology about how they were scared of relationships and didn't want to hurt me by saying so, so they wanted to ghost me instead. They had felt so terrible, that they came back online to say so, and even gave me their phone number if I still wanted to talk. I felt a strange sense of resolution knowing that the other person was hurting too, but we were both on the way to getting better by leaving the dating scene.

So, I can't say that I have advice, but I would encourage any ghostbros to remember that everyone is human. Ghosting is often just a defense mechanism used by people who are very afraid of hurting others. Angry people will usually just tell you that they are angry, but scared people usually won't. So try to take it in stride, spend some time in thought and your favorite hobbies, and get back up on your feet kings/queens.

>>10175

Same here. In cases where I didn't know the person well and didn't talk regularly with them to begin with, or did but they were too toxic for me and did not stop their toxic behavior towards me even after being called out, I haven't see any problem in ghosting however. The people I've been ghosted by who I developed a very good friendship/bond with, but that ghosted me for petty reasons or no reasons at all are people who have done an unforgivable, horrible kind of ghosting in my opinion.

I can't be the only one who expects everyone to ghost me, can I? It's happened so often that I expect it all the time now. It's kind of just the culture at this point.

>>13064
No, I don't think so. So many times I've idealistically tried to connect blindly.

So many times! But alas I did it stupidly and now I can't even be bothered to make friends with mutual interests. How stupid!

All of the ideology we glug from adolescence onward has left me a hermit with all of the reality that comes crushing down.

The reality of internet friends with mutual interests is something I cannot comment on, but suffice to say, yes, I do expect ghosting to be an inevitability with a blind approach.

I can't remember the last mutually beneficial relationship I've had.
The only benefit was an ability to waste time.
That's my fault of course. Always afraid now.
It's unbelievable how stupid I was, but at least I don't have to deal with trust issues anymore.

I mean, darn, I wish I could be as gung-ho as those posting contacts in another thread.
I've wasted so much energy stupidly it astounds me to the point where I can't even imagine why friends are a good thing (of course they could be if they encourage you and you encourage them and you develop, grow into something, some basis of civilization)

It seems most people just want a partner in addiction, swivel into stupor, frustrating, stupidity, vexing, reality crashes

I've been ghosted a few times when I was using Tinder and I've done my share of ghosting as well. I don't mind being ghosted. I don't think anyone owes me an explanation for why they don't want to talk to me, especially girls who I met on dating apps, since they likely just met someone else who is a better fit. But there were two girls ghosted me where I was left feeling very confused. Both ghosted me after seemingly being really into me. As a personal rule, if someone is ghosting me, I respect that and stop reaching out to them once it's clear they're ghosting me. So I at first, I didn't know why either of these girls ghosted me.

Fast forward a year or so and I found out that both of these girls (neither of whom I had sex with) had gotten pregnant around the time they ghosted me, so it became clear that they ghosted me because they had their lives shaken by a pregnancy and had to focus on that. That cleared my confusion. You might say "well they could have told you" but I would retort that they had more important things to worry about than me, and that they're under no obligation to share such a personal detail with me.

I guess the point of that story is that people's lives are chaotic and sometimes stuff just happens that takes precedent over giving someone closure.

>>13137
i think being ghosted on a dating app by someone you've only known for days is different to being ghosted by your friend that you've known for months or years.

I've ghosted. I did love her to bits. We were friends of 15 years, she came out, in spite of both of us having stable relationships.

She basically said "I love you, but my family shouldn't know". I didn't say no..
Fast forwards a year; she basically fucks everything that moves in Second Life. I redo an account, she doesn't stop, but assures me she does. She wants us to live together. I'm worried..

Fast forwards one year. Her husband discovered. I did ghost her for short sessions, tied to her SL sexplay. Jealous, or sad.. How could I have confidence anymore.

Fast forwards a few months. Her Husband threatens the kids. Her kids insult her in public, with the support of the father, in front of her family. She gets smashed. My wife steps in, we nearly break. She tries to help her leave her abusive hubby (that she still fucks on a daily basis).

FF another few months.. Hubby gets me spied by a private (???). She cries all the time. My wife and I try to focus. Wife is preggo, why not? After all she kept fucking her hubby.

FF other months. Wife has miscarriage, I develop some deep disease. I ghost friend for good, since the miscarriage came out as a shock to her (yea I still fuck irl, and in SL we barely talk now).

FF a few years, friend is still with her husband. We'll never talk again, I'll always avoid her RL from now on - a lost friend. In Second Life she sends her friends to suggest me to commit suicide.

Yes, when it gets you scared, crazy, worried, or has a massive impact on your RL.. Just ghost. Go away. Survive. Fuck them.

>>13168
Your wife was pregnant and you were cheating with some random on Second Life? You should have cut that off long before you felt "scared" or it bled into your real life. Sad as fuck.

>>10030
There's usually a reason why it happens even if you don't find out. One of the reasons I quit hanging out with my friend is disillusionment with that person. I saw them taking advantage of people and I decided I couldn't trust them anymore.

>>13168
>>13169
It's somewhat jarring to me as to how second life drama can be so serious.

>or has a massive impact on your RL
Generally when I ghost or have been ghosted it's to people I only know irl..

Time to get a better class of friends…

Make today the best it can be…

Moved to >>>/hell/4708.