Essentially it has felt like I was trembling under the pressure of something pushing down on me that's been growing in strength, my body falters and my shape contorts. I have no real knowledge of what I actually look like. But I have gained some relief in taking only cold showers, and to stop using shower soap. I simply rinse off in cold water, and it feels refreshing as I don't know what. Gets the blood pumping good, and shakes all the fears off your back. You can stand proud, after proving your will stronger than the temperature of the water.
Before I stopped using body wash I was very frail, I was sick at least once every other month, feeling just sapped of all my thunder, snot would drip continuesly for months, once had a cough that held so long I would start coughing blood in my phlegm. I suffered from horrible suffering tremors in my legs, RLS it is called and should never be looked down upon.
I was suffering every night and I just didn't have the energy to go anywhere, I didn't have the energy to give away to anything but the bare essentials.
In a position without choice but to wake up at 05 every morning and make porridge for myself and travel to school. On the funky smelling curious buses, that always dangled across the road so cozily.
I only ever had the energy to deal with one person at a time. If it's not personal enough to need the saying of it alone, it needs not be said.
This didn't leave me with a very good grip on handling groups of friends.
Shit, this was all before the lead though. The lead just left me feeling heavy. That's why I thought of heavy metals, and hence the lead I accidently ate.
Also guys, I believe that there could be quite an amount of schizoids on this site, it's a real thing and it can be used very efficiently.
(It's not the same thing as schizophrenia, look it up. Schizoids are a kind of people too. I am one)
Btw sorry for all the weird blabberrepeaters lately, I really love this place, and every time I have visited I have felt such a comfy joy inside of my heart. It really has saved many days for me, where visiting this site were the single reason I smiled that day. I really love you all, even though I have merely posted some and unasked for. I appreciate every single last one of you.
It is such a healing feeling, that of feeling appreciated.
Also, this post looks like it belongs in /hell/, is there a function to move a wrongly placed post, converted into a thread in the correct board?
Sorry about all this, I'm just a bit crowded inside at the moment, needed to let off a bit of steam. Sorry if it was a bit splashy.