People have to understand, that Justin Bieber will continue smoking the weed, even if his fangirls are cutting up their arms.
Since I started working life, I was never sober, not a single damn day. From what I've heard, drug abuse, especially alcohol of course, is fairly common as a treatment of stress among the labor force, no matter the position or social background.
Everyone is fucked up.
Used to alternate between acid and dxm every week and yeah that feeling almost won me over permanently. Realizing I took my mental fortitude for granted really helped. I don't think I'll live the rest of my life clean but at least it feels like I have complete control of myself. I don't do it weekly nor monthly anymore for starters.
More importantly though, feel free to talk about your experiences if you want to. I'd be down to listen.
Damn, i knew one yakuifag back in 2015, never did acid or dxm hmhm.
I spent 2017 and 2018 anxious and not sleeping, studying a lot and dealing with a bad relationship with ex, during this time i was always smoking cigs and drinking. This year things have been really nice with current gf, but a giantic ride emotionally both bad and good, in this context i discovered i had anxiety and started with ritalin, before that i was getting high on weed to control anxiety and it also made me smoke less cigs. I guess i could tell about any of those things. Im also interested to listen about anything.
Not them, but I have my past with weed and stims.
For me cannabis took a greater toll on paranoia. I was anxious before, but while high I used to be as silent as possible, never opened the door, when someone rang, curtains always shut. I lived in a world of darkness, eventually abusing the plant to forget and dive into various distractions and dumb entertainment.
After some months on stims I realized my agoraphobia getting worse. Just being outside felt stressful, but it was a bad time for me in general, so the extend of the drugs contribution is hard to tell. Certainly I became more irritable and aggressive.
There was a time I tried to stay sober and instead take what the doctor prescribed me: Citalopram and Trazodone. This shit fucked me up good. Of course I didn't stop dosing the fun stuff and eventually stopped taking my meds, leaving me with brain shivers and jitteriness for a couple of weeks. I lost my job, moved, switched my drug of choice. Now I have a job again and bite myself inch by inch through life, still addicted, still depressed and anxious, but not as bad as in the past.
Did you know, that you develop severe vitamin D deficiency, if you spend all day in front of a screen and that this makes you prone to depression? The more you know!
Im the sushi you replied to. Im going to detail my meds later so just saying some, being high would keep me calm after really anxious situations like an serious argument that would make me sleepless, the lasting effect during the days would be that anxiety was less painful, but my productivity on things that gave me anxiety improved only a bit and i was being able to sleep more hours, but because of anxiety i was still not resting sleeping. Now i smoke every now and then and doesn't change anything.
Ritalin effects vary for everyone and isnt the medication i took to treat anxiety, i took it for a week before treating anxiety, it would make me calmer overall, way more awake and without the effects of sleep deprivation, but i was still really really stressed. Ritalin would keep me awake if i had just take it, and would make it a bit harder to sleep at night after taking it at morning, it stopped getting in the way after starting the treatment with paroxetine. Its easy to sleep anyway now after treatment, but ritalin still makes me work really well.>>2219
How did Citalopram and Trazodone fucked you? What were you aiming to treat with it? Hope you feel better sometime
I've had a bad trip once that was somewhat similar. Felt like everything outside my room was basically nothing and that I shouldn't find that out for some reason. It wasn't fun to say the least. And it seems like things have been slowly improving. Hope it gets even better eventually.
Also since the question is already asked, I'm also wondering what drug did you switch to? I'm somewhat open to expand my horizons. >>2220
From what I understand, you're either still taking both paroxetine and ritalin or have in the past but now you only take the latter. Was there any struggle in trying to take both? I'm not too familiar with either but from a basic level they look like they counteract each other depending on the person taking it.
>>2220>What were you aiming to treat with it?
recurring major depression, social anxiety>How did Citalopram and Trazodone fucked you?
It made me dull and so not myself. I love my emotions, ups and downs. Of course due to my mental state at that time I felt more down than anything, if I could feel something at all. Citalopram removed most of the bad feelings, but it capped the good ones as well, leaving me as a dumb lump of flesh, unthinking, unfeeling, just existing. For example I always had a need for music, that just vanished on the stuff.
It was as if a very dear and important part of me was cut off. I felt like a zombie and I hated it, but I couldn't. Trazodone was a good sleep aid, before that however I tried Mirtazapine, which gave me the worst nightmares I ever had, unspeakable horrors. How much of a brain blender especially the SSRI was, however I didn't realize until I stopped taking it. I'd rather have a moderate addiction, than cementing my head again with this shit.>>2222
Checked.>what drug did you switch to?
Kratom and various RC dissociatives like Deschloroketamine, Methoxphenidine, Diphenidine or 3-Methoxyeticyclidine. The first one I take in the morning to get motivated and once after work to get my household under control. The latter ones I used in the evening to reflect on myself, get creative, or just have some plain juvenile fun. They also helped me increadibly well to stop smoking.
For me dissociatives have always been my favourite drug. They light up my inner flame to a bright jewel, like a freshly purified soul gem. They have no real hangover, if anything they leave me with a clear and warm afterglow (in case of DXM more like a fuzzy afterburn). While high I feel like a kid again, full of curiousity and wonder, really enjoying things as if I experienced them for the first time.
I can feel you on that one. Having the whole world feel dull and grey is soul draining. If I hadn't found a set of hobbies (fighting and rhythm games + cooking) to fill my life with, I probably wouldn't be here and just go on with my life droning on till it ends. Basically, it's completely understandable how you'd end up ditching them. It takes some guts to get out of the security being awfully dull and unfeeling provides but it's worth it regardless. Since you realize that I think things will likely end up being better for you.
On dissociatives, I do like them quite a fair bit. My only experience is with DXM though and I'm unfamiliar with everything you've listed. There's a reason I keep coming back to it instead of acid or psilocybin outside of how ridiculously easy it is to obtain. I'd easily trade the visual stimuli I get from psychedelics for the afterglow and internal sense of ease I get from doing DXM. I still like psychedelics at the end of the day though.
, messy post.
I discovered i'm bipolar and paroxetine was terrible to my brain. During a stress crisis it made me enter a deep trance state that felt somewhat like evangelion's episode 26, got up bed and organized my life, but it made me enter a maniform reaction. So im sorry for this messy blog post before, i was too accelerated and didn't get what happened. Im back to normal and entered the right treatment with Mood stabilizers.
No big deal. The post doesn't look all that bad from my perspective for what it's worth. If anything it's interesting what you might put out there with your findings and at least you're back to normal right now. Wouldn't be surprised that treatment for stuff related to the mental side of things is likely less straightforward than problems regarding the body but it does sound tough when treatment can vary wildly from person to person.
Took quite a while to reply cause I was gone the weekend of the first post. Since coming back, for a lack of a good way to explain it, my mind feels like its operating at a slightly different wavelength. Not enough to hamper my day-to-day life but I'm a lot more lethargic when a good opportunity presents itself. So basically whenever I have free time I do almost nothing.
Been studying psychiatry a lot and it always get me with my guard down when i think i got it, but i have been learning a lot anyway. And its been really fun controlling my high the more i understand it. Im gonna try DMT or psilocybin sometime and and i have been preparing my own tobacco, also bought mint leaves and other stuff like this to make my cigs more fun.
About bipolarity, it was easy now to identify depression phases and mania phases looking at past. Im taking lithium now but its making me kinda sick in the guts and i dont like how it tones down my pace during the day, gonna stop as soon as possible. Lithium made me get a real bad gut pain while high on weed last time, because i smoked too much tobacco without noticing, it took like 20 minutes but i kept calm and it was really fine.>>2235
Dont worry, i guess i hate lethargy when its boring only, hope you are well. Oh, could you relate what you were using and the context for the bad trip?>>2223
What do you know about DXM? and what should i know about it before taking it? When i described my experience with stress then autohypnosis that made me feel like end of evangelion, they said it looked like a DMT trip.
Not the poster you replied to, but you should be careful about what you take with DXM. If you're taking it as a syrup, try and get a mixture with DXM as the only active ingredient. Some come with other additives which will make you sick, or stuff like paracetamol which will mess up your liver at high doses. I'm not sure if there are other bad interactions if you're already taking medication. And you might not find DXM enjoyable if you have a weak stomach, a lot of people find the nausea too much.
I've also heard that DXM tolerance never really goes away (but maybe this is just a psychological thing), so be wary of your dosage. A rule you might like to follow is the 1-week per plateau rule. That is, take a week's break for each plateau you hit. So if you hit second plateau, wait at least two weeks before your next dose, three weeks if you hit third and so on. This is not just for the sake of tolerance, but also just for protecting your mental stability more generally, since DXM is very intense. It's also good to have someone you can trust with you when you dose for the same reason.
I personally enjoy DXM with weed, but I've heard some people say mixing is a bad idea. In general, just be cautious and check erowid.
I just quit 4chan for good, hopefully I never go back, even using browser extensions to keep blocked off. Really just an overall bad influence in my life, so I figured rather than buttheads constantly with all the depressing dodgy beliefs on there, I'd try to find alternative avenues.
Being more on topic, I've really taken to self-help books, they're not all helpful, many are hooey in fact, but some are good. I've started one called 'The Confidence Gap' which uses ACT therapy, it's really just about plodding out onto paper what you think or believe, what you stand for etc, and I've been enjoying it, I've always felt like a grifter, going to and fro aimlessly, so having to set down some standards feels very life affirming.
Me too but not because I thought it was a bad influence but because it I finally admitted it to myself that it's just not the same as it used to be and it will never be the same
I don't blame your suspicion, the way I handle it is I look up self help books for a specific topic, then I open up many lists, and I boil it down to the few that are found in every list, assuming this means they are better, and it's worked for me so far. There are other guidelines I've heard, such as looking for ones that don't claim they'll fix everything in your life, but rather very small specific things, as they're more realistic they'll probably end up being more helpful. Also, professionals like M.D.s help, but you're right to be wary, they're not all good, I'd say feel free to put one down if it seems like bullshit to you.
I can understand the fascination of self help books to be honest. Lots of different types of self improving or putting effort onto it end up being so benefitial. Most of my self improvement came from deep introspection and reflection, even before i learned about buddism.>>2238
I tried zolpidem with ritalin and it made me feel weirdly lucid in a idea realm, like the platonic allegory of the cave. Just mentioning because apparently its also dissociative from what i remember.
I'm fine now for the most part. Been busy than anything else but I can't complain. As for the bad trip it is with DXM around the time I was still new to it. Usually I start to think that nothing outside of my room exists which is very comforting. One time though, it scared me to the point of having suicidal thoughts. The fact that I had to go outside to get stuff needed to do it caused my mind to panic. That's cause to me the outside world existed and didn't at the same time. Definitely an interesting experience but I wouldn't call it fun.
Also yeah, it's really interesting learning about how the mind works. I feel like there's just something that inherently draws people to things that are hard to understand. The desire to see how chemicals affect my brain is one of the reasons I got into DXM and acid to begin with. Though speaking of, I also suggest checking out Erowid if you wanna try DXM out. The FAQ for it is a pretty good resource.>>2241
Never been the biggest fan of self-help books. The fact that you have to pay for the whole thing upfront doesn't sit right with me. I think there should be something like a trial period before you have to pay. Though of course implementing that is easier said than done.
Feeling stressed out because I didn’t do my work yesterday, instead I just gave in to all my temptations and did nothing at all and felt terrible about it. I KNOW that this behaviour is making me miserable, and the fact that I still do it is making me feel even more depressed and de-motivated.
Will ritalin help me avoid procrastination? Will any drug help me build up my willpower? This just doesn't seem like an issue I can think my way out of, since my behaviour is at odds with all my logical conclusions about what will make me happy.
I don't have any answers to that, but it's something that's probably my biggest problem too. I've been able to almost trick myself into focusing with various tactics to put myself up against a self-imposed deadline or work at it gradually, but that falls apart whenever I internalize, i guess, that i don't have to actually do it. It's been probably a decade so I don't really know what to do.
I wish I could join some kind of ascetic monastery or something to help me work on my willpower. I'd consider joining the military if I wasn't iffy about it, ideologically. I know this sounds pathetic, like I want someone else to solve all my problems, but I don't know what to do. Is it possible to change yourself without help from others?
Been studying stoicism ( that looks a lot like buddhism ) and greek paganism, along with yungian analysis of the greek stuff. Its been pretty great for me to enter into deep introspection on this stuff and get some answers to apply on my day to day.>>2257
That's what depressing behaviour looks like to be honest, usually serotoninergics would uplift you in this situation, while ritalin would let you focus at something enough for you to get this work.>>2252
Still didnt try anything new yet, but just got the opportunity to do so. Cant wait to analyse it all, lol.
Ive been considering living in the mountains like my gramps did, I just cant stand live in the city anymore Im just too angry all the time.
I've also considered going to church or some christian stuff but sadly all the christian related things in my area are just to commercial? standarized? I dont know what the right word is but they feel just too "fake".
I dont know I might try some buddhist shit.
Recently had a really bad trip on DXM, triggered the worst (maybe the only) panic attack I've ever had, and I ended up with all sorts of paranoid delusions. Was convinced that I was going insane, or that I had permanent brain damage or something and that I'd ruined my life forever. I totally lost my sense of self, and became convinced that there was no difference between myself and some deranged psychopath or a serial killer or something, to the point where I was just repeating scary thoughts to myself like "I am not a killer, I would never kill another person" to myself.
Not sure what triggered the bad experience, might have been from redosing after throwing up, taking more than usual, or the weed. Or maybe it just exacerbated the stress I've been feeling lately. In any case I thought I should warn anyone else thinking about taking DXM that it might have this sort of effect. I feel like I'm recovering now, and the anxiety is fading, so hopefully there was no permanent damage, but it was probably one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
I heard its easier to have bad trips if you are feeling sick. For example theres a plant here that is poisonous and hallucinogenic, but since its poison, it mostly gives you bad trips.>>2263
i feel the same about the christian stuff around here, buddhism works plenty for self improvement and finding some peace. What worked for me was entering to greek paganism, though.
I self medicate with weed. I've tried all sorts of weird herbal highs though (standouts being blue lotus, dagga, and lsa).
My worst trip was on Lsd off 4 strong tabs, doubling my normal dose. I was also still pretty inexperienced with psyches. The effects were so strong the only explanation I could come up with was I had died. I heard my friends clearly and understood what they said when they told me I took acid with them in an apartment, but I had no idea what that meant.
Fun times. One of them actually wants us all to come together soon and have a repeat. Not sure how I feel about that considering my mind this holiday season.>>2293
Who do you worship sushi roll? I'm not a pagan per-se but I do worship someone from the pantheon.
I was diagnosed with bipolarity after entering the mania phase ( the hiperactive delusional stage ) for the first time in my life. I was hyped about my hobbies and college and with energy to organize myself a lot and take care of the house, so much i couldn't sleep and just kept going doing stuff until i could sleep few hours and repeat. Then i took risperidone, an antipsychotic, and slowed down but felt like shit for days, vague unpleasant feeling of inquietation. Currently went all the way to the depressive stage, weed makes it way easier to deal, but gf doesn't accept it at all and im just feeling shitty all the time. Also gonna try lsd for the first time with some friends soon.>>2315
I know there are some ways to find your patron god, but i didn't yet. I was doing small rituals for any of the gods that seemed fit for the situation and trying to follow the calendar. Good mentions are p
Phantasos and Pasithea, did a ritual for Pasithea to get higher on weed and it worked. I used to not dream anymore, did a ritual for Phantasos and dreamed again on the same night and kept dreaming after. Both were the most fun.