/hell/ - internet death cult

People have to understand, that Justin Bieber will continue smoking the weed, even if his fangirls are cutting up their arms.

Habits are really important for mental health.
Also, you should watch the language you talk to yourself and try to have a tidy environment.
Its hard when you start trying but it gets easier

Since I started working life, I was never sober, not a single damn day. From what I've heard, drug abuse, especially alcohol of course, is fairly common as a treatment of stress among the labor force, no matter the position or social background.

Everyone is fucked up.

When I was an addict, I've never experienced any intense effects, like hallucinations, even though I've upped the dosage considerably over time. Watching shows like NHK and Sora no Woto while on comedown helped me get my life back on track but that fact still has me returning every now and again. I want to see what other people see even though I know it's not good for me.

>>2212
What were you on sushi? If you dont mind me asking. I have been on paroxetine, it has been great for me and ritalin helped me get my life together, i could talk about too. Its just that i know that feeling of indulging on getting high and also watching weird shows along those days.

>>2215
Used to alternate between acid and dxm every week and yeah that feeling almost won me over permanently. Realizing I took my mental fortitude for granted really helped. I don't think I'll live the rest of my life clean but at least it feels like I have complete control of myself. I don't do it weekly nor monthly anymore for starters.

More importantly though, feel free to talk about your experiences if you want to. I'd be down to listen.

>>2216
Damn, i knew one yakuifag back in 2015, never did acid or dxm hmhm.

I spent 2017 and 2018 anxious and not sleeping, studying a lot and dealing with a bad relationship with ex, during this time i was always smoking cigs and drinking. This year things have been really nice with current gf, but a giantic ride emotionally both bad and good, in this context i discovered i had anxiety and started with ritalin, before that i was getting high on weed to control anxiety and it also made me smoke less cigs. I guess i could tell about any of those things. Im also interested to listen about anything.

>>2217
I feel you on that one. Ending up drinking due to stress. Though instead of being in a relationship, I study and work at the same time. It's tough but what else can you do really. How's it like with your anxiety on ritalin compared to weed though? I'm curious since I've developed a slight interest in meds due to my past.

>>2218
Not them, but I have my past with weed and stims.

For me cannabis took a greater toll on paranoia. I was anxious before, but while high I used to be as silent as possible, never opened the door, when someone rang, curtains always shut. I lived in a world of darkness, eventually abusing the plant to forget and dive into various distractions and dumb entertainment.

After some months on stims I realized my agoraphobia getting worse. Just being outside felt stressful, but it was a bad time for me in general, so the extend of the drugs contribution is hard to tell. Certainly I became more irritable and aggressive.

> meds
There was a time I tried to stay sober and instead take what the doctor prescribed me: Citalopram and Trazodone. This shit fucked me up good. Of course I didn't stop dosing the fun stuff and eventually stopped taking my meds, leaving me with brain shivers and jitteriness for a couple of weeks. I lost my job, moved, switched my drug of choice. Now I have a job again and bite myself inch by inch through life, still addicted, still depressed and anxious, but not as bad as in the past.

Did you know, that you develop severe vitamin D deficiency, if you spend all day in front of a screen and that this makes you prone to depression? The more you know!

>>2218
Im the sushi you replied to. Im going to detail my meds later so just saying some, being high would keep me calm after really anxious situations like an serious argument that would make me sleepless, the lasting effect during the days would be that anxiety was less painful, but my productivity on things that gave me anxiety improved only a bit and i was being able to sleep more hours, but because of anxiety i was still not resting sleeping. Now i smoke every now and then and doesn't change anything.
Ritalin effects vary for everyone and isnt the medication i took to treat anxiety, i took it for a week before treating anxiety, it would make me calmer overall, way more awake and without the effects of sleep deprivation, but i was still really really stressed. Ritalin would keep me awake if i had just take it, and would make it a bit harder to sleep at night after taking it at morning, it stopped getting in the way after starting the treatment with paroxetine. Its easy to sleep anyway now after treatment, but ritalin still makes me work really well.

>>2219
How did Citalopram and Trazodone fucked you? What were you aiming to treat with it? Hope you feel better sometime

>>2220
Meant to post with this image and felt weird without it.

>>2219
I've had a bad trip once that was somewhat similar. Felt like everything outside my room was basically nothing and that I shouldn't find that out for some reason. It wasn't fun to say the least. And it seems like things have been slowly improving. Hope it gets even better eventually.

Also since the question is already asked, I'm also wondering what drug did you switch to? I'm somewhat open to expand my horizons.

>>2220
From what I understand, you're either still taking both paroxetine and ritalin or have in the past but now you only take the latter. Was there any struggle in trying to take both? I'm not too familiar with either but from a basic level they look like they counteract each other depending on the person taking it.

>>2220
>What were you aiming to treat with it?
recurring major depression, social anxiety
>How did Citalopram and Trazodone fucked you?
It made me dull and so not myself. I love my emotions, ups and downs. Of course due to my mental state at that time I felt more down than anything, if I could feel something at all. Citalopram removed most of the bad feelings, but it capped the good ones as well, leaving me as a dumb lump of flesh, unthinking, unfeeling, just existing. For example I always had a need for music, that just vanished on the stuff.

It was as if a very dear and important part of me was cut off. I felt like a zombie and I hated it, but I couldn't. Trazodone was a good sleep aid, before that however I tried Mirtazapine, which gave me the worst nightmares I ever had, unspeakable horrors. How much of a brain blender especially the SSRI was, however I didn't realize until I stopped taking it. I'd rather have a moderate addiction, than cementing my head again with this shit.

>>2222
Checked.
>what drug did you switch to?
Kratom and various RC dissociatives like Deschloroketamine, Methoxphenidine, Diphenidine or 3-Methoxyeticyclidine. The first one I take in the morning to get motivated and once after work to get my household under control. The latter ones I used in the evening to reflect on myself, get creative, or just have some plain juvenile fun. They also helped me increadibly well to stop smoking.

For me dissociatives have always been my favourite drug. They light up my inner flame to a bright jewel, like a freshly purified soul gem. They have no real hangover, if anything they leave me with a clear and warm afterglow (in case of DXM more like a fuzzy afterburn). While high I feel like a kid again, full of curiousity and wonder, really enjoying things as if I experienced them for the first time.

>>2223
I can feel you on that one. Having the whole world feel dull and grey is soul draining. If I hadn't found a set of hobbies (fighting and rhythm games + cooking) to fill my life with, I probably wouldn't be here and just go on with my life droning on till it ends. Basically, it's completely understandable how you'd end up ditching them. It takes some guts to get out of the security being awfully dull and unfeeling provides but it's worth it regardless. Since you realize that I think things will likely end up being better for you.

On dissociatives, I do like them quite a fair bit. My only experience is with DXM though and I'm unfamiliar with everything you've listed. There's a reason I keep coming back to it instead of acid or psilocybin outside of how ridiculously easy it is to obtain. I'd easily trade the visual stimuli I get from psychedelics for the afterglow and internal sense of ease I get from doing DXM. I still like psychedelics at the end of the day though.

>>2222
>From what I understand, you're either still taking both paroxetine and ritalin or have in the past but now you only take the latter. Was there any struggle in trying to take both? I'm not too familiar with either but from a basic level they look like they counteract each other depending on the person taking it.

They worked really well for me until i had an anxiety attack, i had this anxiety attack and ended up studying a whole lot of psychiatry and got some really nice stuff. I had to stop both for now, this month im taking risperidone because of it, but i already talked out with my psychologist and psychiatrist and next month im gonna be only on ritalin and patz(for insomnia). I feel great, hope to share what im studying on psychiatry with you guys and give some light sometimes.

Im >>2226, messy post.
I discovered i'm bipolar and paroxetine was terrible to my brain. During a stress crisis it made me enter a deep trance state that felt somewhat like evangelion's episode 26, got up bed and organized my life, but it made me enter a maniform reaction. So im sorry for this messy blog post before, i was too accelerated and didn't get what happened. Im back to normal and entered the right treatment with Mood stabilizers.

>>2227
No big deal. The post doesn't look all that bad from my perspective for what it's worth. If anything it's interesting what you might put out there with your findings and at least you're back to normal right now. Wouldn't be surprised that treatment for stuff related to the mental side of things is likely less straightforward than problems regarding the body but it does sound tough when treatment can vary wildly from person to person.

Took quite a while to reply cause I was gone the weekend of the first post. Since coming back, for a lack of a good way to explain it, my mind feels like its operating at a slightly different wavelength. Not enough to hamper my day-to-day life but I'm a lot more lethargic when a good opportunity presents itself. So basically whenever I have free time I do almost nothing.

Been studying psychiatry a lot and it always get me with my guard down when i think i got it, but i have been learning a lot anyway. And its been really fun controlling my high the more i understand it. Im gonna try DMT or psilocybin sometime and and i have been preparing my own tobacco, also bought mint leaves and other stuff like this to make my cigs more fun.

About bipolarity, it was easy now to identify depression phases and mania phases looking at past. Im taking lithium now but its making me kinda sick in the guts and i dont like how it tones down my pace during the day, gonna stop as soon as possible. Lithium made me get a real bad gut pain while high on weed last time, because i smoked too much tobacco without noticing, it took like 20 minutes but i kept calm and it was really fine.

>>2235
Dont worry, i guess i hate lethargy when its boring only, hope you are well. Oh, could you relate what you were using and the context for the bad trip?

>>2223
What do you know about DXM? and what should i know about it before taking it? When i described my experience with stress then autohypnosis that made me feel like end of evangelion, they said it looked like a DMT trip.

>>2236
Not the poster you replied to, but you should be careful about what you take with DXM. If you're taking it as a syrup, try and get a mixture with DXM as the only active ingredient. Some come with other additives which will make you sick, or stuff like paracetamol which will mess up your liver at high doses. I'm not sure if there are other bad interactions if you're already taking medication. And you might not find DXM enjoyable if you have a weak stomach, a lot of people find the nausea too much.

I've also heard that DXM tolerance never really goes away (but maybe this is just a psychological thing), so be wary of your dosage. A rule you might like to follow is the 1-week per plateau rule. That is, take a week's break for each plateau you hit. So if you hit second plateau, wait at least two weeks before your next dose, three weeks if you hit third and so on. This is not just for the sake of tolerance, but also just for protecting your mental stability more generally, since DXM is very intense. It's also good to have someone you can trust with you when you dose for the same reason.

I personally enjoy DXM with weed, but I've heard some people say mixing is a bad idea. In general, just be cautious and check erowid.

I just quit 4chan for good, hopefully I never go back, even using browser extensions to keep blocked off. Really just an overall bad influence in my life, so I figured rather than buttheads constantly with all the depressing dodgy beliefs on there, I'd try to find alternative avenues.

Being more on topic, I've really taken to self-help books, they're not all helpful, many are hooey in fact, but some are good. I've started one called 'The Confidence Gap' which uses ACT therapy, it's really just about plodding out onto paper what you think or believe, what you stand for etc, and I've been enjoying it, I've always felt like a grifter, going to and fro aimlessly, so having to set down some standards feels very life affirming.

>>2241
I've always had a bit of a prejudice against self-help books. My mom was really into them, but she also got sucked into pyramids schemes and stuff, so to me it always seemed like a bit of a brainwashing thing for weak people. Maybe I should give them another try.

>>2241
Me too but not because I thought it was a bad influence but because it I finally admitted it to myself that it's just not the same as it used to be and it will never be the same

>>2242
I don't blame your suspicion, the way I handle it is I look up self help books for a specific topic, then I open up many lists, and I boil it down to the few that are found in every list, assuming this means they are better, and it's worked for me so far. There are other guidelines I've heard, such as looking for ones that don't claim they'll fix everything in your life, but rather very small specific things, as they're more realistic they'll probably end up being more helpful. Also, professionals like M.D.s help, but you're right to be wary, they're not all good, I'd say feel free to put one down if it seems like bullshit to you.

>>2241
I can understand the fascination of self help books to be honest. Lots of different types of self improving or putting effort onto it end up being so benefitial. Most of my self improvement came from deep introspection and reflection, even before i learned about buddism.

>>2238
I tried zolpidem with ritalin and it made me feel weirdly lucid in a idea realm, like the platonic allegory of the cave. Just mentioning because apparently its also dissociative from what i remember.

>>2236
I'm fine now for the most part. Been busy than anything else but I can't complain. As for the bad trip it is with DXM around the time I was still new to it. Usually I start to think that nothing outside of my room exists which is very comforting. One time though, it scared me to the point of having suicidal thoughts. The fact that I had to go outside to get stuff needed to do it caused my mind to panic. That's cause to me the outside world existed and didn't at the same time. Definitely an interesting experience but I wouldn't call it fun.

Also yeah, it's really interesting learning about how the mind works. I feel like there's just something that inherently draws people to things that are hard to understand. The desire to see how chemicals affect my brain is one of the reasons I got into DXM and acid to begin with. Though speaking of, I also suggest checking out Erowid if you wanna try DXM out. The FAQ for it is a pretty good resource.

>>2241
Never been the biggest fan of self-help books. The fact that you have to pay for the whole thing upfront doesn't sit right with me. I think there should be something like a trial period before you have to pay. Though of course implementing that is easier said than done.

>>2252
fair assessment of the books, but I just pirate them all!

Feeling stressed out because I didn’t do my work yesterday, instead I just gave in to all my temptations and did nothing at all and felt terrible about it. I KNOW that this behaviour is making me miserable, and the fact that I still do it is making me feel even more depressed and de-motivated.

Will ritalin help me avoid procrastination? Will any drug help me build up my willpower? This just doesn't seem like an issue I can think my way out of, since my behaviour is at odds with all my logical conclusions about what will make me happy.

>>2257
I don't have any answers to that, but it's something that's probably my biggest problem too. I've been able to almost trick myself into focusing with various tactics to put myself up against a self-imposed deadline or work at it gradually, but that falls apart whenever I internalize, i guess, that i don't have to actually do it. It's been probably a decade so I don't really know what to do.

>>2258
I wish I could join some kind of ascetic monastery or something to help me work on my willpower. I'd consider joining the military if I wasn't iffy about it, ideologically. I know this sounds pathetic, like I want someone else to solve all my problems, but I don't know what to do. Is it possible to change yourself without help from others?

Been studying stoicism ( that looks a lot like buddhism ) and greek paganism, along with yungian analysis of the greek stuff. Its been pretty great for me to enter into deep introspection on this stuff and get some answers to apply on my day to day.


>>2257
That's what depressing behaviour looks like to be honest, usually serotoninergics would uplift you in this situation, while ritalin would let you focus at something enough for you to get this work.

>>2252
Still didnt try anything new yet, but just got the opportunity to do so. Cant wait to analyse it all, lol.

Ive been considering living in the mountains like my gramps did, I just cant stand live in the city anymore Im just too angry all the time.
I've also considered going to church or some christian stuff but sadly all the christian related things in my area are just to commercial? standarized? I dont know what the right word is but they feel just too "fake".
I dont know I might try some buddhist shit.

Recently had a really bad trip on DXM, triggered the worst (maybe the only) panic attack I've ever had, and I ended up with all sorts of paranoid delusions. Was convinced that I was going insane, or that I had permanent brain damage or something and that I'd ruined my life forever. I totally lost my sense of self, and became convinced that there was no difference between myself and some deranged psychopath or a serial killer or something, to the point where I was just repeating scary thoughts to myself like "I am not a killer, I would never kill another person" to myself.

Not sure what triggered the bad experience, might have been from redosing after throwing up, taking more than usual, or the weed. Or maybe it just exacerbated the stress I've been feeling lately. In any case I thought I should warn anyone else thinking about taking DXM that it might have this sort of effect. I feel like I'm recovering now, and the anxiety is fading, so hopefully there was no permanent damage, but it was probably one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

>>2270
I heard its easier to have bad trips if you are feeling sick. For example theres a plant here that is poisonous and hallucinogenic, but since its poison, it mostly gives you bad trips.


>>2263
i feel the same about the christian stuff around here, buddhism works plenty for self improvement and finding some peace. What worked for me was entering to greek paganism, though.

I self medicate with weed. I've tried all sorts of weird herbal highs though (standouts being blue lotus, dagga, and lsa).

My worst trip was on Lsd off 4 strong tabs, doubling my normal dose. I was also still pretty inexperienced with psyches. The effects were so strong the only explanation I could come up with was I had died. I heard my friends clearly and understood what they said when they told me I took acid with them in an apartment, but I had no idea what that meant.

Fun times. One of them actually wants us all to come together soon and have a repeat. Not sure how I feel about that considering my mind this holiday season.

>>2293
Who do you worship sushi roll? I'm not a pagan per-se but I do worship someone from the pantheon.

I was diagnosed with bipolarity after entering the mania phase ( the hiperactive delusional stage ) for the first time in my life. I was hyped about my hobbies and college and with energy to organize myself a lot and take care of the house, so much i couldn't sleep and just kept going doing stuff until i could sleep few hours and repeat. Then i took risperidone, an antipsychotic, and slowed down but felt like shit for days, vague unpleasant feeling of inquietation. Currently went all the way to the depressive stage, weed makes it way easier to deal, but gf doesn't accept it at all and im just feeling shitty all the time. Also gonna try lsd for the first time with some friends soon.

>>2315
I know there are some ways to find your patron god, but i didn't yet. I was doing small rituals for any of the gods that seemed fit for the situation and trying to follow the calendar. Good mentions are p
Phantasos and Pasithea, did a ritual for Pasithea to get higher on weed and it worked. I used to not dream anymore, did a ritual for Phantasos and dreamed again on the same night and kept dreaming after. Both were the most fun.

nothing worse than taking meds to unnaturally force yourself to be what everyone considers normal. take a trip to the woods for a month

>>2211
>Everyone is fucked up.

some people just don't know it!

Dropped two tabs today, but it was underwhelming. No thought loops, strong visuals, or acid thinking, just that yellow tinge and soft high sensation. Spent the afternoon lazily listening to music, which was pretty comfy.

I guess a week really isn't enough to down your Lucy tolerance, huh?
… I think I'm getting addicted to this thing. This could be bad.

I've stayed away from drugs for most of my life. There was just one person who I admired who did some crazy creative stuff on weed. I've once tried it while partying with them, and it only gave me a hellishly bad trip.

Fast forward to now, I've made a friend who doesn't really stray from the drugs. Acid went around and wow, I finally felt happy for the first time in a while. No creative thoughts tho.

I've previously been prescribed Ritalin, but that sucked. There was a 10% chance it would help me sit even through the most boring stuff and focus on it, and 90% chance of feeling crazy exhausted yet still unable to sleep. No dosage seemed to be correct.

I've always been curious about psychedelics. I hear a lot about people with depression using them to good effect.
But I'm a hikki with no friends and I'm afraid to break the law

>>3078
Tolerance to psychedelics builds up extremely quickly, try to put at least 2 weeks between uses. That combined with the fact that they're no more physically addictive than a grapefruit means they can't really be abused, but I know what you mean about feeling addicted. A good trip can feel so incredible that it makes you wonder why you'd even want to stay sober.

>>3083
I was in your position a couple of years ago and read all the same stuff about lsd/mushrooms. If you're searching for a panacea to cure you of yourself drugs probably aren't it, but it can be a novel experience to kick you out of a bad cycle. Personally it made me internalise some things I already knew, but didn't fully appreciate, but I wouldn't go in expecting enlightenment, I think that's mostly baggage from the 60s. My life has improved considerably since then, so who knows, maybe there are longterm effects too.

Honestly, I think it's good that they're illegal. Hallucinogens aren't trivial or something to be played with, it's important to maintain a bit of seriousness about what you're doing. Don't be afraid of the law if you're not affecting anyone else, just be cognisant of the risks.

I still have no idea how normal people get this stuff, but I'm lucky enough to live in a place where they literally grow out of the ground. Going for a hike on a rainy day foraging for fungi in the forest was honestly one of the best parts of the whole experience for me. I learnt a lot about mycology and the sorts of plants and animals that grow in my area. It's something I like to do every winter now, even if I'm not interested in getting high.

>>3083
I had hard depression and anxiety
Tried shrooms and lsd few times on various dosages.
Nothing helpful or eye-opening, just "I'm high af ayyy".
>>3087
Most of countries that have banned them still have no regulations on growboxes

>>3078
You're naturally going to develop some base tolerance to psychs so eventually, assuming 1 tab = 100ug, 2 tabs might not be enough anymore moving forward. Even taking that into account though, the body develops a really high short-term tolerance to LSD. It drops off exponentially after the first few days but a week is still too short of a break for most people.

>I think I'm getting addicted to this thing. This could be bad.
I started to get back into acid now that I have nothing better to do due to the pandemic and all so I feel you on this one. Being psychologically addicted to something does suck.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'll just quietly hope to meet a friend someday who's knowledgeable and trustworthy about such things. The other big caveat of mine is that I'd want to have someone else there with me, which I understand is the recommended way to do such things.
>>3088
>I had hard depression and anxiety
>had
Happy 4 u sushi

Another trip today.
100 ug is enough for me. Maybe not life-changing, but makes going through the pandemic easier for sure, especially with good music around.
I wonder what thoughts would I even get after dropping more.
Lucy is pretty neat - discreet, the effects are reproducible and in expected ranges, wears off quickly too.
Remember to eat your apples, they taste amazing.

>>3099
I find it hard to eat anything thick or hearty while on it – feel bloated too quickly. Even drinks are to be had in moderation.
>discreet
Except for that big smile!

>>3100
I usually don't eat anything but apples. They just taste 20x better and I don't get hungry too.

>Except for that big smile!
I meant you can hide the tabs pretty much anywhere. It's hard to hide the fact you actually took some.

What a nice image!

>>3101
I'll be dumping some more in >>>/kawaii/1002 .

I'm kind of a semi-hermit, somehow still have friends. But my issue I wanted to ask about, been taking walks both to take care of my body and to get more used to seeing strangers again, get out of the cave, but I'm always at a loss what to do when passing people by. Don't feel comfortable looking at them, but everything else also becomes so contrived, purposefully looking away and so on. Feels like I'm too painfully aware that I can't act "natural", no idea what the natural is, and you can't really get the idea of what it is by others either because all your actions affect theirs, if you go around checking them out to see what they do of course they're gonna look back.
I guess TL;DR, how act human passing people by?
>>2238
Just a tidbit maybe you knew, but dude in your pic wrote a book, pic related.

>>3128
I usually smile and wave at strangers, and they will smile back. It's dependent on your country's culture though. But where I am at, you can't go wrong with a closed mouth smile.

Hey, its been 1 year and 5 days i made this thread on a really intense period of my life. I guess there's a lot of confusion on my part on some posts as i was still studying and discovering a lot about what was happening and what it all really is.

Its really fun seeing how the thread evolved and directions it took, also made me happy seeing it still alive,,

On the past months i overcome depression and apathy and felt it was the right moment to use the LSD i got, 150ug, it was really good to enjoy some friends and make they watch sewage bipolar as it was for psychonautism and get a better grasp of what this experience is. Then i smoked a lot of weed for a week while reflecting on the experience, until i just sat for some hours and draw a 16 page comic scrap to process and got into studying psychonautism again. Since then its been quite good reset, got my sleep fixed to 8-10 hours a day and im being productive.
The other notable experience was a zolpidem internal trip i had few days ago that felt like being reborn, snuffed tobacco(native), smoked weed and there were a lot of incense. From outside my friend related i started talking almost inaudible and then asked where i was, he answered joking "hogwards" , internally it was the trancendental feminine, Chaos, God, that answered i was with her representation and on that internal place and had to deal with a lot of issues and stuff to leave behind which she would help me. Then it was a whole different experience of conciousness dealing with it and coming back from this reset. It was quite different from a lucid dream, and a really deep emotional experience when i was recollecting.

I would love to hear more relates from sushi

>>3102
Thank you! I had nothing to add, but I enjoyed it.

>>3140
We just are under the right time to try this stuff out, it seems.
I'm planning to drop 150 sometime in the future, the charts it starts being eye-opening at this point.
How did you overcome depression and apathy though?

>>3143
Hope you have a good trip, please relate sometime. LSD to me feels like it have a really good advantage of taking a lot of hours, so you can explore a lot of different directions or relax and take your time to enjoy the current one. Most people related bad alone trips on it because it took too much time, they didnt have much more to do and the trip went to a bad place, i feel it can be avoided easily proper preparation. Im more used to weed and zolpidem which i have to work in shorter frame of time.
Overcoming depression had to do with dealing with the bunch of negative thought patterns that stagnate around during it and finaly accepting i didnt actually want to become a doctor and moving cities to be alone at medschool was really miserable. So i had to gather a lot of strenght to get out of this hell even if i had to dissapoint everyone. I had to go back to parents house to study to enter software engineering and while i was there i worked on shifting the nihilist world view depression puts you in ( i didnt really have this world view before spending all day in bed at the most annoying parts of it).

Hey I'm at the dextroverse and i found Éris.

I tried ayuhasca with this thread in mind to post about, but i can hardly see it as pharma anymore, althought now i get how it can help so much in mental health. I guess DMT is way way more about the transpersonal effects.

I take Risperidone and Carbamazepine daily to bear this world, and sometimes Xanax, can I post here?

>>3189
Yes ofc, please relate, I really want to hear since my experience with lithium and risperidone was rather shitty, it made me really emotionless and at some point I simply had no pleasure in life anymore and would just stay in bed waiting time to pass. Those meds together made my world full grey, it was a great relief going off them.
Althought I can see how they can help prevent or contain crisis in people to have a normal life. Those meds are too strong and restraining to me probably bc my mania was only induced by a whole mixture of stress and desperatedly taking substances together in a test week ( the final result was ritalin mixed with edible, ssri and zolpidem )

I know it's a really terrible mix now that I study a lot about this, I was at first desperate to study and then desperate do sleep. I'd never risk myself again like that. Currently I'm fine with my psychiatrist and off all meds.

>>3193
>Those meds are too strong and restraining to me probably bc my mania was only induced by a whole mixture of stress and desperatedly taking substances together in a test week
Maybe you weren't very specific with your psychiatrist, stress and anxiety are very abstract terms, I literally told him that I want to kill people because of minor issues, and that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I would be in a classroom and I'd get furiously mad with someone in front of me because he was eating his nails for example.
Starting medication and dropping some imageboards that were doing me more harm than good is thankfully helping me get my life back on track. I wish I could live without them, but I'm too impulsive and prone to hurting dear people otherwise. I also wish I didn't waste so many years falling for political shenanigans, but I guess sometimes you have to break yourself down to know how to lift yourself up.

Recently I found out if you meditate on a 2mg dose of zolpidem ( 1/5 of a pill ) you can very easily have hipnagogia and it's pretty fun! Almost like looking at a dream while awake!!
I did ayuhaska as the ritualistic place oriented us, depersonalizing and letting go with your eyes closed until you are barely thinking, like meditation. I decided to try the same with DXM and it felt like being taken to the same places.
There's also new researches being done about DXM being used as fast acting drugs for depression and anxiety, same for DMT, but this one also for instant relief of panic attacks. In this case DXM medical potential would be very much like ketamine.
As for nicotine it is being researched in the treatment/prevention of Parkinson and Alzheimer. Cortinine, a byproduct of nicotine is being shown effective for depression and memory loss treatment. Another interesting thing is that it is being speculated that way more people with ADHD disorder rely on cigarette abuse because nicotine very effectively ease their mental discomfort. I hope for a day nicotine is not only seem associated with tobacco, but also a very useful medical tool, since we don't need to inhale toxic smoke anymore to consume it.

>>3197
I can see how this change of context can be of great help for mental health too, changing which chans and social media I frequent was really nice too, almost as refreshing as moving out of a bad part of a city, which mostly had people who pissed me off or made me feel too weird and left out ( nothing too wrong about them, our cultures just didn't match ).

Thank god Xanax exists, I feel so relieved after enduring so much stress

>>3222
Hey how have been the context of your xannax use? I only know some about benzos, the most notable use I can remember is xannax on liliad story,, some friends and family people have been on alike meds

>>3223
I mostly use it when I'm about to start crying over something really pissed me off but can't be changed and I just have to endure it. It helps me when I don't want to feel anything.

Mental health:BPD/Schizoid depression anxiety PTSD OCD diagnosed the following I have been told by a psychiatrist I have but have not been diagnosed. Autism , schizophrenia…

I have been hikikomori for near a decade had mental health issues since I was a child I struggle a lot with life being empty and have realized that nothing will make me happy I used to try to make a friend online to fill the void but being schizoid it is near impossible to feel any connection to people and being borderline as soon as I do I become crazy and spiral down very hard if I lose someone. I am still recovering from losing my last friend a few years ago.

I have not been psychotic for a while and have not hallucinated much in the past 6 months which has been ok but I have depersonalized I barely feel anything and wish I could cry.
What happens is you start by running away from the bad feelings using copes but in the end misery becomes your cope and then you just lose all feeling and depersonalize.
I am sick of feeling like an alien unable to care if even people in my family that care for me are hurt/sick or crying.
I self harm although I did some therapy that actually helped me quit doing that so much.
I used to be an alcoholic I abused drugs most of my life and honestly have given up and do not see any point in trying to improve as I am s far gone and there is no reward for myself by being functional as I do not want what normal people or even most people I meet on sites like these tend to want.. I am strangely tranquil having lost a lot of my sense of self and also attachments but ascetism is a meme beyond letting go of frivolous desires because really we may as well let go of food and water and waste away if we were to become an ascetic.
I struggle as I am aware I never know what is right for me I am technically disabled and non functional but do not wish to rely on social workers.
The reason this bothers me so much is I am unsure if suicide is for the best as I cannot trust myself I can rationalize everything but myself well.

>advice for others
A hobby is essential in life especially if NEET and connecting with others online is fine you will come to learn it can be more real of a friendship than offline friends and then see that most people even normalfags do not have real friends even if they are social or especially if they are very social.

Meme advice can help you if you try it all and combine it all but my biggest warning is not to try intellectualize the world and look beyond the curtain because you may well ruin yourself by becoming disillusioned.
The OP is right in that we each need to find out own way to cope.
I warn the younger people wo read this to learn how to think and do not follow the group nor be a contrarian learn how to gain from everything and pick out the bullshit.
Reminder that normalfags never had to do any weird quirky things to be normal they just are normal.
Consider quitting 3DPD porn it is mind poison.


>meds therapy
I have been on a bunch of SSRI/SNRI and antipscyhotics and can say the following.
If you are schizo and need it take antipsychotics also give anti depressants a go but do not expect them to help also therapy works however we can learn all the toolso n our own and anyone who self studies mental health is aware of what would work in therapy it becomes obvious and common sense however being in a therapy session makes you more aware you should be using the skills.

Life is fucked good luck you guys and remember if you plan to kill yourself get yourself some sodium nitrite before they make it too hard to get <3


Oh god I am try so hard to become a follow of a religion but cannot and wish I could all that abounds me is bleak I can only hope life is better after life.

>>3239
Hang in there, Sushiroll. I was a NEET for 5 years and started to experience some of the things you have. The longer it goes on the harder it is to cope, but the harder it is to do anything. I also tried to console myself with asceticism, but the loneliness and emptiness got too much. I'm trying to slowly better my situation now, but I still suffer from sometimes overwhelming anxiety, bouts of depression and a general feeling of distance from everyone around me.

I'm a terrible friend, but I'll do my best if you leave an email, discord, or some other means of contact here.

>>3240
Oh I would like to chat I do not use discord or anything but I warn you I am a worse friend I cannot form emotional bonds with people so never been lonely but would love to try make a friend.
Leave a throwaway I will email the email I use for chats (I chattedt o someone else before).
Thank you Suhi <3 maybe I can encourage you too

Do sushis have any good experiences with supplements?

>>3243
Sure, you can email me here: https://pastebin.com/6XRBAivU
Just using pastebin so my email doesn't stick around forever in this thread, even though it's not a personal one.

There's no pressure at all, I understand how much of a burden maintaining a relationship can feel like sometimes.

>>2223
How is kratom? I was thinking of ordering some