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I know this is probably a super common question but I have no clue how. I work full time and everyday my schedule is wake up, go to work, go home, sleep. I don't really have any interest outside of my house and anyways I'm a shy and anxious person. I've tried discord servers as well but its difficult to join an already existing social group.

The saddest (and most hopeful) part is that I know there are tons of people in the same situation as me. The problem is getting these people together. More than anything I wish to be around people that make me feel safe and not always on guard.


Yeah I was too in that situation, well i guess i still am regarding the irl situation, but ive gotten into some discord communities.
Basically, dont join the ones that have like a 1000 users, try out small servers that revolve around a basic theme you like, and try just talking to people there, don't immediately search for the love of your life or a bff in those people. We've got a whole thread about communities >>1640 as you probably know, so keep an eye over there i guess.


Well, internet is not a place that will help you develop your social skills.
>I don't really have any interest outside of my house
Change this. Find a (new) hobby. I always liked music so I decided to join a non-commercial radio. You like reading, join a club. In big cities there is club for everything.


I went to an arcade to play taiko no tatsujin and found a group of people. But I can't consider them any more than aquaintances. Sure I enjoy hanging out with them but I've been shown apparently there's no real relationship.

I've never been able to relate to anyone on a deeper level. People say you need to concern yourself with their feelings but my very own feelings hold no meaning to me. Feelings for me seem to be more a physical reaction or sensation. For me they appear as a hallucination not a reality. When a current carries you downstream are you the current? This is the way feelings are for me. It's as if the body is reacting, like a muscle spasm, I experience the senation of emotion but I genuinely feel nothing. This however doesn't mean I can't lose myself in their sensation.

So how do I interact, I only talk about shared interests, and if I share nothing I don't interact, I just watch and listen.
Whenever I've shared my innermost thoughts with people they never talk to me again.

I don't want to fake it because decievers are the worst kinds of people.
One way or another you always lose something from interacting with them.

If socializing is a skill you are required to hone then it's something not genuine.
Also randomly picking a new hobby isn't going to get you any closer to finding more people like you.


The sensation of emotion is feeling it. It may not feel like enough, but that's because it takes bigger stimulus to give you a sense of novelty. I think you might be conflating feeling and accepting.

Social skills are tools, not ideas. You have to hone social skills in the same way you hone math skills, or music skills. The genuine part of socializing is being able to express yourself clearly and without (terribly) offending the other person/people. It's a skill for two like dancing. Sure you can dance alone, or only dance with people who know the same dances as you. But that lack of growth isn't genuine


>I don't really have any interest outside of my house
You don't have any interests at all? For example, I love swords and swordfighting and could study THE BLADE as much as I wanted at home, but I found out about a local swordfighters guild and joined them through an introductory class. I won't say I'm friends with anyone there yet, but its a start. Perhaps theres something similar for a subject you're interested in?


Perhaps try making light jokes to people who you hang around often and establish similar interests


Has anyone here pulled off a "social re-integration" later in life? I find myself in the same position as OP, 27M, and my life consists of working, coming back home, wasting some time here and there, going to bed, repeat. I don't have any friends, and I'm not on social media either since that would make my life crushingly depressing.

It seems that Western society is structured such that it's very difficult to meet people that can become more than passing acquaintances past a certain age (say, college), if you don't have a pre-established group you hang out with. Everyone already seems to be part of something, or already in a couple doing couple things, and they're not looking for any new people.



Kind of. 32, moved across the US with the gf, knew absolutely nobody coming into it and I'm not the type to hang out with coworkers after work. Joined a tiny gym and after a few months there I met a couple of people with some crossover interests (photography) just because I overheard them talking about it once. We're probably not going to be best friends or anything, but it's something.

I'm pretty damn introverted and not great at blind conversation starters, but if I overhear a keyword I can relate to I at least have something to work with.


My problem nowadays is turning acquaintances into friends. I know a lot of cool people through work, meetups and the like but they are much younger and in the case of work, they are my subordinates. I don't want to break the ice in case things get awkward, which is definitely a no-no at work. le sigh.


Watching a feeling or emotion closely will negate much of the effect it has on your actions. Pain is the best example of this: it is designed to drag your attention to the site, but once it has achieved this it loses its bite, only to reemerge as your attention wanders.
For other emotions if you watch for too long they melt into their noisy components, or unravel upon finding their cause.
You do not need to empathise with the sensation of another's feelings to relate. Treat them like the biological machines they are, with feelings as a sparse representation of an information processing subroutine.


I met all of my current IRL friends on the Internet, or through those friends. I joined online chat groups or hobby groups with lots of users who shared my interests, and then sought out people in those groups who lived nearby, and did offline meets. I met a lot of interesting people and made lots of lasting friendships that way. All of my roommates currently are people I met online or through online friends. I find it way easier to get comfortable with someone by talking to them online first, than trying to get to know someone in person. Then when you meet up you already know each other a bit instead of feeling put on the spot and like you have to come up with talking points super fast to break the ice.

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